My biggest gripe is actually at the the baggage carousel. If you're going to stand right next to thing so no one else can get in and get their bag, don't be shocked when I move you out of the way when I see my bag.

And why do the carts have to be right up against the baggage carousel?

First off, CoOp: that is awesome photoshopping!

I usually go into the zen-like disengaged state when in the airport. It makes things so much easier. MY issue is on the plane. Its a small space with lots of people and baggage obviously you need to be careful and considerate. Once, while everyone was standing in the aisle of a just landed plane, gathering baggage, getting themselves together and ready to get off the plane, etc. A young frat boy type guy standing in front of me and joking around with his buddy (thus not paying attention) grabs his giganto-I-can't-believe-they-allowed-him-on-the-plane-with-that-fucking-suitcase by the handle and jerks it out of the overhead bin angling it behind him as it falls straight towards my head. Dude didn't look behind him to see if anyone was there and when people are trying to file off the plane someone is always right behind you. Since I had my own bag in both my hands I did some weird drop to the floor and roll thing while the nice man behind me shoved the suitcase so it hit Dude in the shoulders. Dude got pissed while nice man bitched him out and I extracted myself from my fellow passengers feet and ankles. Dude apologized, eventually to the nice man who bitched him out but never apologized to me! I thanked Nice Man and restrained myself from tripping Dude while we left the plane.

I have more terrible queue-in-plane stories involving luggage and people who don't know the rules. We should compile a pamphlet and make the TSA hand it out.

I resent the stereotype of "a young frat boy type guy" thanks...

Interesting topic...

Id say what bothers me the most are people that like to get to their seat on the plane, and take off their coat, take out stuff from their bag, dilly dally around WHILE STANDING IN THE AISLE. For the love of g-d, sit down, wait for everyone to clear, and then take care of your business...don't get my all fired up before a 16 hour flight to Hong Kong (direct), thanks dear...

Also in a lot of airports in Asia, they have a clearly marked line saying "no trolleys," which is usually a good 10-15 feet away from the carousel, solving that really annoying problem...

I also don't like while standing on line to check in how people are so pushy..."like holy crap, i didnt see the line move up, I'm sorry but it is 630am, I AM TIRED," just wait a second and don't give me the eccchemmm, or nudge me, just give me a second to gather everything up and move the 2.4444 feet up in the line, jeez...

the free for all at security check points, and the line switching at passport control centers also gets me going

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Originally posted by Callilucy:
First off, CoOp: that is awesome photoshopping!

Not at all. That's an actual photo of Prisa compromising a narwhal.

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Dude apologized, eventually to the nice man who bitched him out but never apologized to me!

Hmmmm...or perhaps, in your zen-like state, you'd reached a level of kensho so powerful as to be completely invisible to Dudes. I hope one day to achieve that level of pure Being. Until then, I'm just going to keep hitting stupid people until someone with a badge makes me stop.

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And why do the carts have to be right up against the baggage carousel?

Oh, I just figure those must be there for anyone to use

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Originally posted by Eppyboy:
I resent the stereotype of "a young frat boy type guy" thanks...

Why, were you the jackass who threw his suitcase at my head? He was wearing his greek letters hoodie and acting like the stereotype associated with moronic fraternity boys. I know plenty of wonderful gentlemen who are also fraternity members however I also acknowledge that there is a damn good reason the stereotype persists and why I feel comfortable using it.

My apologies if you are one of the gentlemanly frat types.

haha fair enough, and I accept your apologies...I hope I am considered one of the gentlemanly frat types...

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Originally posted by Continental Op:

Ahhh yes, I remember when this picture was taken. We were off the coast of Turks, no? Vacationing with that Greek couple? They were nice.
Thanks for saving the picture though and posting it here, though. Such fond memories of Ned the Narwhale.
If only we hadn't eaten him.
Sigh.

quote:

Originally posted by halfnine:
My biggest gripe is actually at the the baggage carousel. If you're going to stand right next to thing so no one else can get in and get their bag, don't be shocked when I move you out of the way when I see my bag.

Oo...good point, halbneun. I forgot about carousel crowding.

And I like Callilucy's pamphlet idea. But I don't think the TSA really gives a hoot about the traveling public's stress, time, or whatnot.

What we need to do is start a non-profit, get a warm fuzzy mission statement, and create a series of pamphlets on "How to Queue". It can be a guerrilla-like operation, where we canvas airports and discretely replace whatever warm, fuzzy TSA or airline produced booklets with our much more informative pamphlets.

The pamphlets can be written in eye catching ways that will inspire people to read them (if only so they can complain to their local tabloid news station or paper). Titles like How to Queue At Airports For Fucking Morons and No, This Is Not Your Own Personal Airport, You Selfish Git. Maybe we can have a special frat boy edition with lots of color, simple sentences, pictures of scantily clad women, beer coupons, and imply that they will get more sex if they can learn to board an aircraft correctly.

And maybe a chicklet-like series too. And make up some sorta name for bad queuers ("Quewads"? "Linetwerp"?) that will enter into people's travel nomenclature. When someone is misbehaving, others can quietly mutter "damn linetwerp". Thus, they get their message across in a passive-agressive, don't-get-punched-in-the-face kind way.

We can call this organization Queues-n-All

anniebanannie said it well. The other thing that constantly amazes me is the sheer volume of metal that people carry on their person. Through a security checkpoint no less! Women with huge silver bracelets from wrist to elbow on both arms, giant clunky necklaces, huge rings on every finger(too tight to remove easily of course), giant earrings, broaches, and god knows what else. The men are no better. Softball sized wads of coins in every pocket, belt buckles the size of Montana, gold chains, zippo lighters, biggest Rolex they make on each wrist, 3lb. key rings.....

I've seen both men and women FILL two of the small hat shaped trays with metal. And as others have said, they usually don't start dumping their pockets until they are right at the metal detector, or have already set it off.

And btw the people who crowd the boarding line before it is their turn are known as "gate lice" on Flyertalk.

Airports don't really bother me. I'm either too excited about leaving, or too exhasted on my return, to really notice too much. But I feel your pain, Stoo.

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Originally posted by Pete Teoh:
Throw out all the rules in Asia. It's just a free-for-all out there.

Ukraine queuing was definitely a little annoying--parictularly at the train station. Be prepared to push, nudge, and give some dirty looks to keep your spot. And don't leave more than a 8 inches between you and the next guy or someone will slip right in.
Waiting in this very slow line of about 25, this lady walks up and stands next to the fourth person in line, as cooly as can be, eyes straight ahead. Some people say stuff to her, point to the back of the line, give her looks, but she just plays dumb. Eventually everyone quiets down and just lets her ease her way in! They must be used to this kind of stuff. Of course, you know, as number 5, I had to hold my ground and keep her from getting in front of me.

All this cleansing and venting - hope it's good for you all.

I dunno, people and people, and more animal than civilized. And most people are dumb, or self-absorbed, or distracted, or simply just don't care about the infinitely complex nature of getting a ticket, checking baggage, going through security, and getting on a plane. In my eyes it does no good to get mad at the idiots and "gate lice" (I like that) -

I've come to realize it's a part of traveling, and I can see it coming a mile away. I've found ways to exploit the stupidity, often to the advantage of everyone. Example: If someone just starts to peel off all their metal gear as they reach the security table, and a gap starts to form in front of them, I'll take my grey bin and leapfrog the dis-rober. This is efficient for everyone involved, and 99% of the time the dis-rober never even notices. I have many tricks like this. Keeps traveling fun.

Of course my best trick is to put on a pilot uniform, jump the line entirely, and go lock myself in my office at the front of the plane. As crew I've seen way way way more stupidity than I ever saw as a passenger, and sometimes we need a break.

Speaking of air crew, let me narrate the second little drama where I nearly got punched in the face.

It was about two years ago in Rome heading back to Zürich after a weekend in Napoli. It was early, around 6am, and all of the security screening stations were open. Most of the queues were about 20-30 people deep. My keen traveler's eye spotted the shortest lines all the way to the right. Seconds later I'm in the second to the farthest right queue, the first being reserved for aircrew and staff.

The thing is, the aircrew line actually just feeds into my queue at the very head. Just as it is my turn to put my bag through the scanner, an entire flight crew of about five shows up in their dedicated express queues...and it feeds into my line as I am there. "OK, whatever...you win some, you loose some" I think to my self. Stoo's Airport Queuing Ethics, being what they are, I pro-actively let the pilots and flight attendants through. The first one or two is ok, but after the third I start to hear grumbling behind me. On the fourth 'cut', I hear in English "Are you stupid?" and so one from this one man.

It's early, I've not had my coffee and queues just sorta stress me out. So I do something somewhat questionable and I am half embarrassed about it: I turn around to face this tallish Italian man in a business suit. Speaking calmly and clearly ans I gently extend my arm and give him a seconds long middle finger, I say "Fuck. You."

He is shocked. Says nothing. Good.

So I turn back to see the last aircrew member putting his big bulky bag onto the scanning machine. He smiles at me, says thank you...and then proceeds to get his luggage (one of those technical, black leather and cardboard things, that carries maps and spare parachutes) all jammed up in the scanner.

Bad timing for me. Now I am hearing "Hey! You can't do that to me!" and "I'm talking to you!". Mr. Italy is getting excited. I just want my coffee.

Next I feel a hard finger push into my shoulder accompanied by "I said, you can't do that to me!". Not good. He's getting physical. I turn around and say (calmly again) "What can you do about it? Here?" and turn back around. There is more mumbling from him but nothing too serious. An insolent "Where are you from?" sticks in my mind.

Thankfully, just a few moments later, the last crewmen is through the scanner and it is my turn. I could at last get my first coffee of the day.

The price I pay to defend Capt Steve's rights!

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The price I nearly paid to defend Capt Steve's rights!

I'd call it more a courtesy than a right -- but seeing how un-courteous some travelers sound, screw them, I'll assert my "right."