any suggestions, tips, advice on dealing with loneliness?

I have loved my 2 weeks in South Africa but keep feeling lonely as a solo backpacker, just starting my 9 month long RTW. Can you give me any suggestions for how to deal with loneliness when most people you see are in couples or groups and you are not?

I would appreciate it!!!

Renee

Being somewhat of a solitary nature, I cannot say I ever exprienced loneliness, but even couples I found were all too willing to engage in conversation when I've traveled. In fact I found it difficult not to connect with other travelers. I mean, you certainly have a common interest. A simple Hello, where are you headed or from will usually suffice as an icebreaker. I've found connecting with locals even quite easy. It's possible that if you are new to traveling, you may be expriencing a bit of initial travelers blues. On my first trip I found that there was an adjustment period and depending on your nature it could a bit more time to get comfortable as a solo traveler. Myself, I found a groove about a month into my trip. I retired 3 years ago, and as ready as I was to be free of the yoke, I found that there was a learning curve even with adjustment to retirement. Hope this is of some help.

I found I end up being more lonely when I stay in hotels. Generally hostels are pretty open places where you can connect with others. Since you said, backpacking, I'm thinking you are hanging out more in hostels so I would think you could look around for others who are by themselves.

Sometimes I also would take a day tour to be with other people. Sometimes I met people through the tours.

Also, when I get lonely, I tend to sit and write my thoughts into a journal. I find that helps me some. Or I decide to do something really active, like hike to some monument or something - then I find I'm too busy to be lonely. Often touristy spots you end up waiting in line, and that's a good way to talk to people. I ended up meeting another person who was by themselves once at a castle, and we had lunch together.

Just some thoughts that hopefully will help.

I didn't realize how much I forced myself to be outgoing with a simple "hi, how's it going?" etc until I returned from my rtw to the USA and was striking up conversations with TSA agents and they were responding. (Which is where I started my new tradition of always trying to make an agent smile while at security!)

Seriously, everyone has the occasional lonely night so it's great to have a book or some writing on hand that you can delve into (and yes, there will be nights where you want to hang out with ppl but there's no one to hang out with!). I noticed during my travels that it's always way better to check into hostels that have a restaurant/bar on the premises as it makes for a great place to meet travelers and strike up conversation- nothing easier than sitting at the hostel bar and turning to the person next to you and saying "where are you from?" And if that doesn't work out you can usually chat with the barkeep or waiter, often they have tips on cool stuff to do in the area as an additional bonus.

this can be tricky on so many levels...a couple of things:

the key is to CONNECT with others; locals, travelers, a stray dog. i am relatively social but still initially shy, and i find that often times you have to take the first step. it can be extremely hard, and you may wonder why no one is talking to you first, but once you get the ball rolling with a smile, a nod, a handshake or a "hi, i'm xxx. where are you from?", than its all pie from there.

i also find it easier to connect with others when i am staying in a hostel type area. this doesn't mean it has to be dirty and disgustingly cheap, but there lots of great! hostels with open and welcoming social atmospheres. spend more time in the social areas rarther than on your bunk, even if it means initially burying your head in a book because you don't know anyone else yet, look up every once in a while and CONNECT, meet the old timers, welcome the new, ask others what they're up to or where they've been, and invite some of the interesting ones out on short trips around the area with you. you can always take a break from the social stuff and find yourself a nice quiet spot whenever you want. after all you are ultimately traveling solo.

don't be afraid of the locals! be reasonably wary, but do not be unnecessarily fearful. even if you can't speak the language, don't hesitate to communicate. you'd be surprised at how much you can get across by using sign language and sound effects. in general, the locals you will be curious about you and where you are from, and they will try their best to make sure you leave with a positive impression of their area.

anyway long post short (or is it too late?) you will have a great time, just CONNECT...and check out my blog if you want, i have a few articles of stepping out and fitting in and adjusting to being on the road, more for long term moves but applicable for short travels as well.

enjoy! JR@TheDriftersBlog

While the prospects of a solo RTW might appear daunting at first, the truth is that meeting other backpackers on the road is easy—whether you’re travelling in a group or are rolling solo, there’s a real sense of community among vagabonders.

I always travelled solo until I got married and we had kids. I found it was very helpful as it forced me to get to know the locals, which I feel is what travelling should be about. Although it is nice to meet up with like minded travellers on occasions what is the point of travelling if you are not going to exchange ideas and cultural differences with the local population. If you are now in South Africa it can be a bit daunting as many people warn you about not going here or there, and tend to exagerate the dangers real or imagined. Instead of taking the Baz bus try City to City buses. They are very cheap and used by the locals I have always found speaking to South Africans of all tribes/colours easy on these buses. Most backpackers hostels will give you a free pick up from the bus station and you will spend less than a third of the price of the baz bus and get the real opportunity of meeting a South African person sitting next to you. I am sure you will start to relax if you take this kind of plunge and gain in confidence. I recommend a trip to Botswana where the people are amoungst the friendliest in the world and it is a very safe place if you really want to make friends I cannot immagine an easier place to do so. At least you are more than half way to an amazing experience so take a deep breath smile greet people and I am sure in a couple of weeks you will wonder what all the fuss was about. Hope this helps Jason.

Check out
www.hospitalityclub.org
you can meet up with local people in the countries you are travelling in, not only will it make for an interesting experience it will give you a break from being on your own.
Also keep a journal, get a good book, check out the tourist offices there are usually group walks you can go on to meet people and have a chat.
Best of luck
Jean

Just wanted to report back that after maybe 5 days or maybe 1 week of feeling a bit lonely I have had 2 awesome weeks of totally connecting with locals and other backpackers and am feeling much better. I had a rough couple of days but I totally loved my hostel in Cape Town and met awesome people and was invited by some locals to some events rarely attended by tourists and am enjoying myself. The truth is, I might feel lonely when I go home after getting used to hanging out with people all of the time, LOL. And I have found a book I am totally enjoying in preparations for my time in China.

Renee

Great to hear you feel better now. I felt lonely a bit on my rtw. I beat it by staying in the one place for a while and really getting to know people. I was sick of the constant, 'Where are you going, where are you from, where have you been' conversation. I wanted to talk to someone who knew me even a little better.
So I cut out a few countries and stayed put. I never regretted cutting out some countries, I wouldn't have enjoyed them.

Hope you stay lonely-free from now on!

Renee, so glad to read you are now out of that black hole. Always have a plan B in place.
Keep safe
Jean

Renee, glad to hear the update! And yeah, funny thing about travel is people would get all sympathetic if there were evenings I was by myself, until I pointed out this was probably one or two evenings in a week and no one would blink twice if you found yourself in such a situation at home. So perspective can have a lot to do with it too.

@renee, i just read your update now, and i'm really glad youre feeling better. once you get into the groove of things it will be a continuous party until your ticket home. the good thing is youre traveling solo, so you can turn the social overload off whenever you feel like it. stay safe and have fun! oh an your question inspired me to write a post...check it out on my blog if you want!

oh, hehe...i forgot, here's a link to the specific post: http://www.driftersblog.com/1/post/2010/05/3-steps-to-squashing-on-the-road-loneliness.html

I took up a hobby of carving wood spoons and making Kuksas (Swedish wood drinking cups)
Great ice breaker - people are fascinated !