May 28, 2004

My day began at 5:30 this morning, unable to sleep further due to jet lag. I have to admit that I am enjoying Phnom Penh more today than I was last night, most probably because I was just so exhausted. A good night’s sleep helped quite a bit. We found our way to the Department of Tourism this morning so Chrys could begin his research and where we had our first quasi-interview. The gentleman we spoke with spoke decent English and, to my surprise (though it shouldn’t have been) he spoke much better French. Not speaking French myself, I could only nod as Vicky spoke with him and translated for us. His own Khmer Rouge story seemed to fit the preestablished pattern. He was one of few survivors in his family, evacuated from the city and hiding in a small village. He farmed with the other families and said they just didn’t talk about Pol Pot or the regime, mostly out of fear. He also said there was no news- radio, television, papers, etc. so it was akin to being like “a frog in a well.” He, years later, feels that the ensuing tribunal for the Khmer Rouge leaders is necessary, which did and did not surprise me all at the same time. What did surprise me was when I asked whether he thought international presence in the trials was a good or bad thing, he said he thought it was a good thing because otherwise they would not get a fair trial. That shocked me because I felt that perhaps it was almost pompous of the West. I was pleased to stand corrected. We took our leave and began a long trek toward the Ministry of Tourism for further information.

On our way, we were hassled by no fewer than six motorbike boys trying to guve us a ride. Our trip to the Ministry was well productive- we’re to attend a tourism conference in a couple of weeks in Siem Reap. On the other hand, I couldn’t get much information out of them regarding the Khmer Rouge business (literally). But, they were quite hospitable, serving us tea and cake before we left. The way back to the hotel was filled with more evidence of the economic problems that seem to characterize Phnom Penh- but what do you do? I think I know that I cannot help everyone, but it doesn’t keep me from wanting to. Its so tough to know that no matter how many you help- for every one, there are hundreds more I can’t help. I wonder what is being done, it really is tough to witness. I sit now with my daunting research project in front of me and I find myself with more questions than answers, as per usual. There are just so many memories swirling in Cambodia and it is difficult to find some clarity for it all. Every person over the age of 30 in this country has a unique story of how their lives and their families’ lives were turned upside down and destroyed by the Khmer Rouge. Despite it all, here I am, still, searching for peace…