quote:

A few years ago I was house-sitting for some friends and they called to ask how things were going. I said, "Do you remember how the upstairs furniture used to be upstairs and the downstairs furniture used to be downstairs?"

Okay, that's just frickin hysterical. Except you're not allowed to housesit for me, rawjer.

My friends in Italy who I mentioned in the OP made up the "you must leave for a few days in the middle if you're here for more than a week" rule after a couple family visits... And then it's family, so you can't really not have them back. Well, I suppose you could, but... *awkward!* But after they made that rule (which they did mainly because she works at home, and couldn't get any work done b/c people were hanging around, waiting to be entertained, or just hanging around the house and she felt obligated to entertain them), I think things have gone much more smoothly for both them and their guests.

Anyway, I would imagine if you're up front about any rules you might have for hosting and people violate them, it would be easy to say, "I said no X and you did X. That's a problem for me."

I have told one houseguest that they were not welcome anymore and they couldn't understand why. When I listed the many reasons(folks I did not do this lightly) they said this was how they lived at home. That made up my mind right then that when I visit D.C. to either stay with other friends I have there or get a room. Her feelings were not hurt(I don't think they can be) and we are still Acquaintences. Here is her list of infractions.

1.Leaving soiled femmine products on the bathroom floor.
2.Shaving legs in living room.
3.Cooking herself a meal from my food then leaving me all the pots and pans and dishes.
4.Expecting me to do her laundry.
5.Expecting me to change her bedlinen daily.
6.Telling me to call in sick because she wasn't well(i.e. hungover).
7.Changing her flight from Tuesday to Friday so she wouldn't miss a TV show.

Folks if she wasn't one of my best friends sister. I would have kicked her to the curb.

Having family all over the world and being a Wwoofer I have been a guest in many people's homes - both people I know and people who started out as perfect strangers.

From what other people have been saying, it looks like I am pretty well house trained and there isn't much I can add to the list of things that make a good guest. Other than making sure you let your hosts know that if and when you have a home of your own thet are more than welcome to make a return visit.

Having a wide experience of hosts though, I do have some tips for being a good host:

- when you're a couple, don't tell your guests, out of the blue, that you and your partner are getting divorced after they have been there for 1/2 a day. Tell them before they arrive and they can decide whether they want to enter into the emotional war zone.

- when your guest offers to buy you a meal, bear in mind their budget. If they are a backpacker (in fact, no matter who they are) don't take them to the most expensive restaurant in town and proceed to order the most expensive thing on the menu plus lots of overpriced cocktails (especially in a country where alcohol is already expensive). Seriously - it would have been soooo much cheaper to stay in a backpackers.

- be clear as to what your plans are and what you expect of your guests. There are nice ways to do it. Saying things like 'I'm going to be back late from work tomorrow - are you okay to cook for everyone?' or 'I've got loads of studying to do at the moment so I'll need some space and quiet time in the evenings'.

This might all seem like common sense, but believe me, it's not...

KPG

quote:

when your guest offers to buy you a meal, bear in mind their budget. If they are a backpacker (in fact, no matter who they are) don't take them to the most expensive restaurant in town and proceed to order the most expensive thing on the menu plus lots of overpriced cocktails (especially in a country where alcohol is already expensive).

Here's a trick - when you're already going out to dinner with your hosts, wait until you've had a chance to look at the menu and then casually say, midway through the meal, "By the way, tonight's on me. I just didn't want there to be any fighting over the bill when it arrives." Then you've already had a chance to see how much things are going to cost, and people have already ordered, so it'll be a bill you can kind of anticipate already. Sneaky? Maybe. But you're still treating your hosts to a dinner out.

Jessie, that is genius.

I forgot to mention one of the sins our houseguest committed. Two years in a row he managed to infect our tub with athletes foot. At least this year it was only passed on to feet. Last year, we made the mistake of taking a bath after he'd showered. I don't want to go into details, but ringworm (the same fungus) can infect a lot of different places and is hard to get rid of...

wow, i like this thread. i've been a guest many times and there are several things pointed out here that i never would have thought of, never having been in the position of a host (having a plan/itinerary to tell host, instead of leaving them not sure what to do with their day).

i had some excellent (first time) experience with hospitality club this past november as i traveled across the country-- my first host was a complete dream. she cooked for me, wouldn't let me do the dishes (even though i insisted, and managed to do some when she left the apartment for a bit), acted as tour guide, opened up a bottle of wine for me...i told her she was setting the bar at unattainble heights for of all my future hosts.
the second hosts were wonderful, as well- loaning me a house key, including me in dinner plans, going biking together, etc.

the basics for me, as a guest are:
*no sleeping late (although this tends to be impossible for me when i'm traveling, anyway)
*do the dishes!
*clean up sleep space as promptly as possible
*don't mess with tv/media equipment unless i'm sure i know what i'm doing
*ENTERTAIN MYSELF
*be of as little inconvenience to the host as possible
*ask where things go/how things should be done (learned the hard way when staying with a cousin and was constantly berated)
*express gratitude, ask if there is any way to help out
*be the most friendly, open-minded version of myself imaginable

Funnily enough, I've just been reading a wee debate that's been raging in TNT magazine about guest responsibilty:

http://www.tntmagazine.com/letters/topic.asp?ID=206
and then..
http://www.tntmagazine.com/letters/topic.asp?ID=216

Admittedly the london dosser is a much different creature than your average house guest; they have been known to outstay their welcome, have all the housemates move out from under them and then outstay their welcome with the new tentants too!

As a serial crasherer-overer (some of you may have noticied my location has been "couch surfing" for the last 6 months!!.. ) I've been really lucky; I've been on and off my best friends' couches since July and am still allowed to stay because
1) I have very tolerant mates
2) my best friend has had 3 different flatmates during this period (for reasons completely unrelated to my presence, I hasten to add) so none of them have really had time to get sick of me
3)I think I'm a pretty good guest;
I do the dishes/clean the house while they are at work.
I buy groceries and cook for everyone in the house; not just the person who invited me.
I make sure I'm not always there; sitting on the couch, watching Tv, when they get home from work and need some chill time.
likewise I make sure I'm out a couple of evenings a week so they can vege and not feel the need to entertain me.
I always pack my stuff away, they don't have to stare at a suitcase spilling its guts all over the living room.
I try to never stay more than a week at a time and to have a decent grace period between each visit.

However, I am now just in the process of finding a place of my own to live and will finally get a chance to pay back some of my dossing-karma as all my friends move out their places and need somewhere to store their stuff and a comfy sofa-bed for a few or more nights.

Swings and roundabouts.