Anyone who likes to travel on the cheap has probably spent more than a few nights on the sofas or spare beds of friends and family. Those same people have hopefully returned the favor occasionally, too. So, what does it take to be a good guest as well as a good host? A few thoughts...

• Friends in northern Italy have laid down the law when it comes to people who visit them - if you're going to stay more than a week, you've got to leave for a few days in the middle of that stay and give your hosts a break. They're very diplomatic about delivering the news (and so far we've not been given this directive personally, only been told about it!), and it seems quite reasonable to me. I'm going to remember this one if/when the husband & I ever make it to expat-hood.
  
• Having people visit is wonderful, and can be absolutely exhausting. Nick talks about this after some friends visited him in Bali recently, and it reminded me of the times I've had visitors and been equally glad to see them go as I was to see them arrive. Does it make me a bad person? I don't think so - I just like my routine, just as much as I like the occasional breaks in it.
  
• The holidays are a perfect example of when I tend to let my "good guest" ethic slip. I have no idea why, but when I'm at my mom's for a few days over the holidays I just want to sack out - not help with the dishes. I made a pledge to myself that this year things would be different, and I did pretty well. Even though I doubt she'll be reprimanding me anytime soon, I'd like to do a little better at the whole being a guest thing anyway.

What do you think about when you're having company? What about when you are the company? Do you behave differently when you're a guest than you'd like someone to behave as a guest in your home? Have you blacklisted some people from ever staying at your house again? Have you been blacklisted?

Funny that you should bring this up: I was just explaining to my host how houseguests are like fresh fish (they both begin to smell after three days).

While staying with in their house, I made sure to wash my dishes. (That is something that I never do in my own home)

A few years ago, I blackisted a couple of Germans from ever staying with me again. It was as though they had moved in permanently.

I tend to couch surf a lot when I travel as I have friends all over. I try to never stay more than three days unless its Mom and then trying to get away is hard. But I have picked up a few tricks that I use when I stay wiht others. I don't use all of them with everybody as it depends on the persons perosnality.

A.)I do the dishes.I don't mind and it usually turns into a group thing.
B.)Offer to cook a speciality meal. I tend to cook a gumbo, suce piquante, or shrimp creole as those are what I grew up with.(Never as your host to supply the ingredients. This is ruder than not offering.)
C.)Offer to babysit. As the oldest of seven changing diapers and wiping noses is easy for me. I like kids and it can be fun. I offered and ended up with three families worth.
D.)Help with the chores. Hey, they really aren't chores if it isn't your house.
E.)Offer to take them out to eat on your dime to someplace nice but not too expensive.
F.)Keep everything of mine out of the way.
G.)Be nice to whoever they try to pair you up with. I've seen people thrown out because the hosts went to the trouble of geeting them a date so as not to be odd person out and they were downright rude. I've had great times and made lasting friendships with blind dates that seemed horrible at first.
H.)Be couth. Some house guests are so rude it boogles the immagination. I've had guests or seen others who; 1. Shaved in the kitchen sink, 2. Clipped their toe nails during meals, 3. Put their smelly shoes in the oven, 4. Walked around in their underwear, 5. Played the TV or music so loud that it wakes the neighbors.
I.)I go to bed when my hosts need to so that they'll get the sleep they need.
J.)Leave at the first hint I've stayed too long. Even if it is only the first night.

Above all respect the people who are giving you a bed to sleep in.

That's a pretty good list there BT, and other little things like recognising whether it's a lid up/lid down door open/closed scenario re WC is well worth observing.

And ceiling fans are just that and not a means of drying off damp clothes by hanging them on blades and having fan in operation at same time.

Had a not yet SIL at the time come to Oz (with yes her German fella no longer on scene fortunately for whole family) on visit when we were in a relatively new abode that had a wood fire we had not even bothered to check, it being summer btw.
Anyway, guess who decides in my absence to fire it up and smoke the house out, has to have sausages and eggs cooked for him for breke rather than just have our normal summer breke of cereal/fruit etc. and then when he's going to bed, he proceeds to turn off a light in living room I'm using to read by.

He was definitely on the never again list.

quote:

Originally posted by Bush Trekker:

H.)Be couth. Some house guests are so rude it boogles the immagination. I've had guests or seen others who; 1. Shaved in the kitchen sink, 2. Clipped their toe nails during meals, 3. Put their smelly shoes in the oven, 4. Walked around in their underwear, 5. Played the TV or music so loud that it wakes the neighbors.

Why the hell would anyone ever do that?

quote:

Originally posted by gymboy689:

quote:

Originally posted by Bush Trekker:

H.)Be couth. Some house guests are so rude it boogles the immagination. I've had guests or seen others who; 1. Shaved in the kitchen sink, 2. Clipped their toe nails during meals, 3. Put their smelly shoes in the oven, 4. Walked around in their underwear, 5. Played the TV or music so loud that it wakes the neighbors.

Why the hell would anyone ever do that?

Because they're following rule B. of Bush Trekker's guide:

quote:

B.)Offer to cook a speciality meal. (Never as your host to supply the ingredients. This is ruder than not offering.)

ooooooh....now I get it. Well then putting shoes in the oven is just downright logical!

Bush Trekker, I totally agree with that list. I try to make myself a good guest by doing most of the things on that list. I also try to buy some kind of gift and thank you card for the hospitality. Oh yes, I am happy to go out and do things by myself. I don't need to have my hosts show me around.

That said, when people are in town, I tend to show them around, tell them about places to go and things to see, favrouite restaurants, good shopping, etc. They can stay for one day or a lot more, but I expect them to entertain themselves at least part of the time.

Oh, and I HATE it when they leave garbage lying around after they leave making me have to pick up after them. After letting them stay at my house, paying for additional food, having to do additional laundry, adding to that the role of maid is likely to not earn a return invite.

I went to the North America section of BootsnAll and you know how it gives little snippets of what is being discussed in the forums? This is what I saw:

quote:

BootsnAll Members' Forum » Being a Good Guest, Being a Good Ho... - Sky Annie (7)

lol skobb

What really got me about the shoe in oven incident was that the person who did it was complaining about their bad house guests.

quote:

A.)I do the dishes.I don't mind and it usually turns into a group thing.
B.)Offer to cook a speciality meal. I tend to cook a gumbo, suce piquante, or shrimp creole as those are what I grew up with.(Never as your host to supply the ingredients. This is ruder than not offering.)
C.)Offer to babysit. As the oldest of seven changing diapers and wiping noses is easy for me. I like kids and it can be fun. I offered and ended up with three families worth.
D.)Help with the chores. Hey, they really aren't chores if it isn't your house.
E.)Offer to take them out to eat on your dime to someplace nice but not too expensive.
F.)Keep everything of mine out of the way.
G.)Be nice to whoever they try to pair you up with. I've seen people thrown out because the hosts went to the trouble of geeting them a date so as not to be odd person out and they were downright rude. I've had great times and made lasting friendships with blind dates that seemed horrible at first.
H.)Be couth. Some house guests are so rude it boogles the immagination. I've had guests or seen others who; 1. Shaved in the kitchen sink, 2. Clipped their toe nails during meals, 3. Put their smelly shoes in the oven, 4. Walked around in their underwear, 5. Played the TV or music so loud that it wakes the neighbors.
I.)I go to bed when my hosts need to so that they'll get the sleep they need.
J.)Leave at the first hint I've stayed too long. Even if it is only the first night.

Above all respect the people who are giving you a bed to sleep in.

Wow, sounds like the definition of a dream house guest.

Recent experience with a less than ideal guest prompts me to add a few more tips:

If you meet someone, go home with him or her, don't bring your new "friend" home at 3AM.

If you insist on getting stoned all day, at least open the window and air the place out once in a while.

Don't rearrange the living room when your hosts are out of the house.

Don't leave nasty stuff in the fridge when you go.

I think realizing that your host isn't responsible for entertaining you constantly is important - and one way to acknowledge that is to make sure you have reading material or take a walk to check out the neighborhood while your host works at home or whatever.

I concur on doing the dishes. And one nice way is to just start doing them and not worry about asking.

I just had a houseguest - my marvellous cousin - and she was a great guest. (Court was also a guest here in Bratislava and did wonderfully as well).

-don't hog their t.v./family room
-do the dishes or cook
-walk their dog without offering
-pick up some grocery items you see in their fridge or cupboard (replenish bread, milk, sodas, o.j., t.p.)

i haven't had my own place in a year (yay for couch surfing) so have literally been a guest everywhere from the parent's to my brother's pad and every friend in between. I try to cook a meal at least once or take them to dinner. I also will get groceries that they use even if they haven't run low, stuff they'll use at some point, a contribution to the household if you will. And I try to leave or arrive with a nice gift of some sort.

i want to be invited back and do unto others...!

quote:

Originally posted by KateL57:
I think realizing that your host isn't responsible for entertaining you constantly is important - and one way to acknowledge that is to make sure you have reading material or take a walk to check out the neighborhood while your host works at home or whatever.

This is exactly what I wanted to say. I recently had 3 houseguests - my sister, an Aussie friend traveling the world, an a Spanish couple visiting NY for the first time. They were all good guests. But it was tiring feeling like we had to entertain them all the time.

The Aussie was the best - she went on solo walks, cooked us a great dinner one night, never counted on us to do things for her (drive her to the airport, etc), and went off on her own and stayed in a hostel a few days. And of course, offered to pay for a meal once or twice.