BootsnAll Travel Community

Maybe I'm just over-stressed and it's not a good time to post, but this has been getting me down lately.

I have two part-time jobs in public health research centres, managing databases for a variety of research projects. I'm also 2/3 through a Master of Public Health degree. All of this came together with very little planning or sense of direction -- I started working at one of these places as a lowly data entry clerk, they saw my potential and trained me for grander things, I started the Master's to learn more about the field, and I sort of got headhunted for the second job.

The trouble is, it seems so virtuous and useful to work in public health, but I'm not as excited as I was when I was an undergrad and studying Australian social history or French literature, for example. Next year I'm supposed to do a year-long project to complete my master's. I think I would spend the year stressed, exhausted and frustrated if I continued studying epidemiology or data management, which is where my career currently seems to be heading. I could do a project in medical anthropology or history of medicine, and I would probably be very interested and engaged in that. Friends ask me how an MPH with a humanities specialisation is going to further my career and my responses tend to be 1) I've already come this far without a health or science qualification and 2) I'm not sure I want to continue in this direction anyway.

I feel guilty because I've never wanted to work in the conventional corporate wasteland and I'm now in a position where I can play a small part in contributing to the improvement of people's lives. But I want to take a long break and maybe go vagabonding, and definitely do things that interest me even if they seem frivolous or selfish. I've always avoided being frivolous or selfish, and it seems the price I've paid is stress and guilt.

I guess my questions here are, does anyone recognise this sense of guilt at taking time off for myself, and can I do anything about it?

The funny thing is that I'm going to be travelling overseas on my own for the first time next January, and this is an outcome of my studies. I'm going to be spending some time with a small group of fellow students at a rural primary health centre in India and will be doing a related assignment for course credit. It's quite possible that this will change my outlook on life in a big way, and perhaps I will feel less confused and torn after the experience. But I can't rely on that. In fact, it could also turn out to be a disaster, and the exciting thing is that I've never taken such a risk before.

Funny thing is, you've near answered your own doubts, and as you say, your NY experience may alter your outlook towards even bigger and more challenging opportunities that could interest you more.

I would not be concerned with any guilt, and though I've not been in similar circumstances, but perhaps the reverse in that work was too much a focus of earlier life only to find that in any organisation you are only going to be there for as long as they want you regardless of how well you have applied yourself.

For sure, your value will be a direct result of job satisfaction, and that is maximised when you have work that interests and challenges you, so it is important to think outside the square to achieve that, and your Masters with any specialisation coupled with the skills you obviously have should allow you to excell in a range of fields.

Sometimes the hardest things to look at are the ones we are directly involved in. I think most of us have this problem from time to time.

You obviously see the value of the work you are doing. I hope you also see your own personal value. Now you just need to strike a balance between the two.

The way I look at it is that by leaving, you won't put an end to the work so that people can no longer benifit from it. You have helped it progress and there is nothing wrong with letting some one else taking over your place. If you stay, and are stressed out for staying, will you be as useful is if you weren't stressed out?

If you take some time to travel or do something else it is always possible to come back. If you can't come back, there are many ways to help people. There are also many ways to help people while you are travelling.

I think the guilt you are feeling can be usefull if it makes you look at your situation and find a good solution. But don't let it take over and create indecision. Let us know what you decide.

I guess your confusion may be from considering work and travel to be separate activities, but as you've answered your own doubts, your work already allows you to travel - what could be a happier situation for anyone who loves to travel, but is not a millionaire ?

gonorth and my2thhurts, I think looking after myself has been a real challenge for me, and I'm only starting to recognise that I should balance my needs with everyone else's. Guilt keeps coming back to bite me.

moldyolddough, I'm not being paid to travel (yet). I'm paying my own way to India and it's considered part of my personal development, not directly related to my current work. But it's true, academia is probably one of the better areas for finding opportunities/excuses to travel.

I've got one year's worth of study left for this degree. I think I'm going to try to stay put and complete it next year before making any big decisions. It doesn't seem such a frightening prospect now than it did a few days ago (when I'd completed an assignment and was feeling very negative about it).

This is such a hard issue and I sympathize with you. But it looks like you are thinking through it and getting useful feedback here, so that's good.

I've thought about these kind of things as well, and one thing that I read somewhere comes back to me often...probably nothing new, but the idea that you need to "help yourself" before helping others. Obviously it's not an immediately drastic situation with you, but in the long run, I like to think that experiences that (seem) to benefit mainly you personally - like travel - do in fact help you help others because you grow as person, think in new ways, become more open to other possibilities, etc etc. And you will be volunteering in your travels as well, which will contribute to others directly.

I also think that if you continue in something that you don't feel okay with for too long, it kind of drains you as a person and you may not end up acheiving all you can with that either. Still, it can be hard to make he decision to do something that seems more directed to yourself.

Good luck to you - I'm sure it will work out for the best.