BootsnAll Travel Community

The NY Times published an interesting article a couple of days ago about workplace bullies (excerpts below).

quote:

When the Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle

Bullying in the workplace is surprisingly common. In a survey released last fall, 37 percent of American workers said they had experienced bullying on the job, according to the research firm Zogby International. 40 percent of workplace bullies are women.

The work bully sets out on a course of constant but subtle harassment. The tactics used by workplace bullies usually are insidious and difficult to complain about. Often, the only way the bullying stops is when the victim quits.

This month, researchers at the University of Manitoba reported that the emotional toll of workplace bullying is more severe than that of sexual harassment. And in today’s corporate culture, supervisors may condone bullying as part of a tough management style.

I suppose it makes sense that schoolyard bullies tend to continue their harassing behavior into adulthood and whatever work environment they happen to land in. I hadn't really thought about it before, but it certainly explains a lot of the bad behavior I've witnessed. Just yesterday I had to stand up to someone who was trying to manipulate and coerce people into doing several months of overtime on work that isn't remotely related to their job descriptions.

Who else has encountered these folks in your work? Got any stories to share or good strategies for dealing with them?

My old boss was a bully.

It was horrible. I tried the kill her with kindness route...to no avail. Eventually, I left. But, it was awful, because I am just the head down get my work done type, and she wanted to do what she could to upset me.

My friend saw this covered on Good Morning America, and said most of what they mentioned were what I had dealt with.

My colleague was better at dealing with the boss; she had a more forceful personality and pushed back, which, I think, startled the boss.

Glad to be done with her.

My current cubicle neighbor is quite the cubicle bully, and he is also my boss, and one of the most immature, insecure people I've ever worked for.

I wear Noise canceling Headphones for as much of the day as possible. When I don't or can't be wearing them for whatever reason, I pick up the phone headset immediately whenever I hear him get up from his seat & head my way. I then turn my chair so that, with phone in ear, I'm facing him as he approaches.

These don't solve the problem at all, but they do help curb the input of his bully-ness.

And, of course I'm keeping my resume updated and am on the lookout for something else.

Think of primates and how the big, rude one rules. We're not so very far away from that.

Typically when I've had a bad job, I've moved on. Only once did I stay too long working for an abusive boss. I found myself getting hives on my hands. I had never believed in workplace stress before that, but now I understand.

It became harder to leave as she told me I was worthless. Fortunately, I was able to take a "rotational" temporary assignment in another department and I managed to get away long enough to get my self-respect back. Now I look back on it and I can hardly believe how stuck I felt.

Weirdly enough, at one point she was so eager to get rid of me that she volunteered me for a special project which led to me getting a much much better job. Her dumping me in that project has led to a career that has been wonderful. Who would know!

I am working in a great environment now - but before this job I had an awful co-worker.

For a start she has little-person's syndrome. From day one she decided to be against me and the only explanation I can think of is that she felt threatened by me. She would do anything and everything possible to make me seem stupid in front of the boss and when the boss was not there would openly speak to me derogatorily. I hated it and sometimes got stressed about it but I had a plan. The plan was to learn as much as I could and if I could not get the breaks I wanted there, then I would go elsewhere.

When I finally quit I am sure she was happy - but I was happier!! She had a whole new person to direct all that negative energy at and I was Free! Also I was valuable in the industry - so my next job I could choose who I wanted to work for. I chose a place where the culture is one of support, trust and encouragement and now my industry knowledge and capability has expanded enormously and the opportunities with it.

The best thing I learned was the sort of person I do not want to be.

I just recently dealt with some bullies at work. It was two women who decided they ruled the world and never made mistakes. The situation here is that I am very good at what I do and I support these two people so much that they actually really do depend on me. I would put in a couple extra hours here and there and would be flexible when it was month end to help out. There was no problem until something big (bad) happened and everyone on the team made multiple mistakes and I was the only one who owned up to them. I was all of a sudden put on the chopping block and told I needed to pay more attention even though the responsibility is not mine at all. What did I do? I became the "clock-watching" employee. I came in right at my start time. I left right at my end time. I stopped personal communication and kept it completely professional. Her: "The kids were so sick this morning that is why I am late" Me: "Do you need those checks overnighted?" I was not flexible with my schedule and I spoke to management about my situation. The result...they now kiss my ass and are extremely nice to me around month end so that I will help them meet the deadlines. I don't hold grudges and I now treat them as I did before but the difference is that they now know I make their job easier and I have the option of not doing so without affecting my job so...treat me with respect and lower their stress level.

I currently work with a bully and, despite having reported her behaviour, nothing is being done about it. She yells at employees, calls them names, makes inappropriate accusations, touches inappropriately (lingers her hand on your back, gets within your personal space and physically crowds) and lives in a perpetual state of high stress.

What do I do about it? For a bit there, I was feeling pretty victimized, but have since started to turn things around. Some of the tactics I am now using are pretty simple: when she comes into the room, I stand up so that she can't crowd me in my chair (part of the inappropriate touching thing). I also tell her when she is yelling and when I am feeling attacked. The upside is that I can be reassigned and I am on my way to another gig at some point this week.

I've had several jobs with bully issues.At my current employer yet different position my immediate supervisor was a horrible bully. It got to the point where she was flat out fabricating infractions to report to the head of our lab. Weeks later it would trickle back down to me at which point anything I said just looked like I was grasping at straws/lying. I documented everything I could and did what I could to cover my ass but it frequently came down to her word against mine and she holds a MUCH higher position than I do. It got so ridiculous that I had numerous people come up to me and ask, flat out, why this woman hated me.

It took numerous meetings with the chain of command from me all the way up to the head of the lab including such documents as my time sheet, a schedule lining out what I did each day and how much time it took to complete each task (times had to be verified by various managers) and a call log from my cell phone. (I called in sick, she said I just didn't show up for work). All in all it made me physically shake and feel ill before each meeting. Everyday I had to defend each of my actions and was constantly called a liar.

I only stayed at my job because at the time I really couldn't afford to leave. There wasn't another job I could jump to, I looked. Eventually I got moved into a new position with a supervisor I adore, mostly because he isn't a raving lunatic. I still have to work with my old supervisor on occasion and while she has backed off she still takes every opportunity to fuck with me. Everyone is pretty clued in about her dislike for me and when she complains to the manager all he's says to me is an exasperated, "Why do you talk to her?" To which my response is, I have to in order to do my job. Believe me I'd rather not.

We just started a project together and thus far I've forwarded every email from her to my supervisor. I'm using him as a human shield. He's ok with that.

As a side note, I've dealt with female and male bullies and in MY experience male bullies are alot easier to deal with but I've run into more of them.

Wow. I'm glad I'm not alone, though it is unfortunate how many people have to deal with this. I always thought grown-ups were called that for a reason, but now I realize that it's meaningless.

That article really hit a lot of things on the head. How subtle it can be, and how damaging it can be. My current supervisor makes me feel so worthless, I don't think I've ever had such low self esteem, and I've had esteem issues my whole life. I've never been able to stand up to bullies (though I've gotten better as I've gotten older) - but how are you supposed to stand up to your boss without being called impertinent, or insubordinate? She never tells me when I've done a good job (she's just 'not like that', and her boss and HR accept that), but she's quick to point out what I've missed, which is a lot. Yesterday we found a big mistake that she'd made, and she assumed it had been my mistake. When she discovered that it was her mistake, she did apologize, but I didn't appreciate the assumption, especially as that particular task is one of my strengths. (and she was certainly ready to give me shit for it, though after discovering it was her mistake, played it down as no big deal)

When I tried to address the fact that I was feeling picked on, she 'called me on it', basically calling me a liar. um, how do you lie about that? Then her boss, and then HR got involved, trying to help me work on 'my issues'. How insecure I feel and why I'm so emotional. Not addressing the fact that maybe my manager makes me feel like shit. And can HR be at all surprised when I quit? Of course, their reasoning will be that I simply wasn't cut out for the job, which is certainly how my boss paints it. I've only been there 3 months, but my self-esteem and self-confidence have been shattered. I can't imagine what bullying does to people who have to put up with if for longer.

I am currently looking for other work, but the unfortunate thing is that it is always the people who are picked on that end up leaving. Often they are intelligent and capable people, and that is a big loss for organizations.

I've had my share of bullies in my life.

The first serious work bully was my boss, who seemed to find everything I did wrong, even though I was on the management path of a retail situation with the other boss, a much more competent person. Once he was so upset that I took time on the order for my department that he just signed off on it and sent the vendor away. It was a very big mistake. My vendor and I had an agreement. He would put down what he thought was correct, and I'd go through the list looking at the stock levels one by one. Usually he was right, often he filled me with a few items we didn't need. I had no problems with this. I always corrected the errors. My boss signed off on about 30 cases of paint thinner, when about 5 at best was required. Guess who had to stock the paint thinner?


He managed to get a loyal employee of 20 years to quit, one who didn't NEED the job. What does a retired cop on a pension need with a 6 dollar an hour job?

Then I finally quit, just after he demoted me from dep head to retail clerk. From that moment on, if any question involving expertice came my way, especially in other departments, my answer would be: I don't know, I'm only a minor clerk, and its not my department. Mind you, before this I had expertise in every department but seasonal, or at least more than most, not including my mentor, the ex cop who pretty much had the book written on electrical and plumbing.

In the old management, the expert on seasonal was, surprise, the store manager, who had no shame in going out on the shop floor if there was a difficult planting or fertilizer question.

I was the one who calculated the number of pieces, and kinds of pieces for suspended ceilings. No one else had the education or interest to do it.

Anyways, I quit, and found a better job selling software.

With a better boss, and a far better salary...

end of story.

Ugh.
I am dealing with the bully TODAY. The bitch called me incompitant in a work-wide email. So basically she shattered any chance of an internal promotion for me. And the worst part...I didnt actually do anything wrong. She assumed I had made a mistake and before consulting me, plead out that the 'situation was caused by an employee that dosent know how to take their job seriously".

Today I'm going in, and I'm demanding that she treats me with respect or I have absolutly no reason to stay. I have money, I dont need this job. The only reason I'm staying is because I've been too lazy thus far to look for a new job, plus she was chilling out for a while so I thought everything was fine.

But there is no way I'm going to be treated with such disrespect. I dont give a fuck if she's my boss, my preacher, or my president. She has another thing comming if she thinks I NEED this job so bad I'll debase myself with her petty bullshit.

Word.

Make a copy of that email at once and send it offsite for safekeeping.

Call a meeting with your boss and the woman.

Ask her why she is engaging in constructive harassment.

If no answer is forthcoming, take a few days off while they sort it out. If it is not sorted out, resign.

I have done that, also created a list of my issues with her that will be mailed to her boss and cc'ed to her should this meeting not go well.
Problem is, other then the CEO who is ALWAYS busy or out of town, she's the next one in line, the HR lady...so I cant even call HR. She's it.

But I'm not worried. I've put up with her petty stuff for quite a while. Everytime I push back she wilts. She's incredibly passive aggressive. If we cannot sort this out in the meeting today I will either pack it up, or call in her superior to have a double meeting. Problem with that is, I dont think I want this job that bad. So I might say peace-out regardless.

Allthough I will use that phrase 'constructive harassment'. Thanks!

Update:
Disbelief and shock. She didnt own up to it. I never really thought she would. But I at least gave her a quick chance. She thinks she's completely in the right. And when I brought up just how wrong she was I got a tight smile and a "I dont know what to tell you.". Well it's a good thing I know what to tell her.

Suck it, you rancid bitch.

Come Friday, once my paycheck is secure and my email to her boss and associates is written describing just why I wont be comming in on Monday, I. Am. Out.

Yay! I wish I had the balls to do that.

I worry too much about references. Too bad references can't work both ways.

Good for you for taking a stand.

Looks like the time has come to call it quits.
They sprung a sort of surprise meeting on me today, to address my 'inadequacies'. My boss, her boss, the HR lady involved in the hiring process, and the head of HR.
4 against 1.
And I'm supposed to react how?

the gist of the meeting was, A for effort, but you suck. My communications skills suck (holy crap, did anyone think to address those of my supervisor, who assumes I can read her mind??), my people skills suck (despite having worked in customer service for years, now), I'm overly defensive, I lack tact... oh, but I have strong technical skills.

So why haven't they fired me already? I think they are trying to encourage me to resign, without saying so. They said that we would meet again in a couple of weeks to see how things are going (I'm away next week, thank gawd!). So, I'm thinking, the Monday that I'm back, I'll just tell them I'm leaving.

Now it's back to the drawing board.
I would like to find a job where I'm respected. why does it sometimes feel like that's a monumental task?

Wow..jeez...how do these people get mgmt positions??? Makes the lil petty stuff at my job seem like a birthday party. Bullies target specific people, and I havent seen that where I work. The people who make insidious remarks (I love that term, lol), I have learned, are that way with everyone. The one person in-particular that I have a hard time dealing with, my biggest challenging is not letting her ruin my mood and not stooping to her level by getting on the defensive. She ALWAYS has some condescending shit to say. But this person isnt in mgmt.....this is where earplugs would be great. Ive been told not to take it personally. LOL

Prisa, make them fire you. At this point the chance for a good reference is finished, so at least make them pay you in unemployment insurance while you look for another job.

Start out by a work slowdown, and take it from there. Oly do what requested of you, and only at the minimum level. your HR person, your boss, will not give you a good reference in any case. His or her pride is on the line. Oh, by the way, if its a female, you're truly in the deep end. in my experience, women bosses can be more backhanded and treasonous than male bosses.

YOu'll get six months of unemployment insurance, and keep your savings for travelling!!!

(somewhat relative article)



Power, Seduction and War - March 3, 2007
Angles, Hustlers And Suckers



I forgot something important that you must remember until you go six feet under.... There are only two kinds of people in the whole wide world, grifters and suckers.... [With suckers,] let their stupid brains stay asleep in their chump world. Keep your own brain honed to razor sharpness in the secret world of con. --Iceberg Slim

A few years ago, to help my mind get over the grind of the WAR book, I bought a pool table. After a hard day's work, I would settle into the game of pool and make myself completely focus on the green felt, the cue stick, the stripes and solids. It ended up being the perfect choice of a diversion. Pool, it became clear to me, is all about angles. First, there are simple angles, as you must hit the cue ball to either side when you are not straight on. This is often not as easy as it seems. Then, there are the angles you take when you bank the targeted ball off the sides, an entirely new game in and of itself. This goes further with the double bank shot.

There are the angles of the combination shots, and even more slippery combinations, when you use a solid to slide off of a stripe and knock in a solid. Then there is the whole language of angles that comes into play when you are thinking ahead and trying to keep the cue ball in solid position, working with the open spaces of the table.

Finally, there are the abstract angles in psychological space and time: playing with your opponent's mind, letting him get ahead, but putting himself in a corner in relation to the final balls on the table, or snookering him into impossible positions (the trick bag), or seeing the entire table and how you will run it in short order. In other words, there are layers of angles, all more subtle and artistic as you go up the ladder and improve your game. I am no longer a rank beginner, but I am certainly no hustler, not yet.

To play well, to raise your game, your focus must be total.

As in pool, so in life. Suckers and beginners are locked into the single-ball-at-a-time mentality, and get all excited when they knock one in on a clever shot, but leave themselves nowhere to go. They never learn the angles above the angles above the angles.

Then there are people who raise their game a little, who give the appearance of knowing how to hustle, who can actually knock in a few shots in a row. In Hollywood, I worked for some people like that. They would let others do the work and take all the credit. One writer/director I knew would constantly play the game of hiring someone else to direct the pet script he had written, someone young and eager and inexperienced. This person would inevitably fail rather early on in the process; the writer/director would have to come in and rescue the situation. Better to set it up that way, than for him to be seen as always wanting to direct his own projects. Similar to how Pat Riley engineered his whole return to coaching.

But these types did not really see the whole table, or have a good endgame mapped out. They had some angles, but not of a high order. They never really got that far. They are low to mid-level hustlers.

An acquaintance of mine who runs his own media business came to me a few months ago with a problem: a high-level female employee had leaked something embarrassing about him to other employees. Her angle in leaking this was to get his attention and warn him about what else she might do. She was disgruntled, worried he might fire her, and this was her shot across his bow.

My advice was to be aware first of this game of hers and on this level to not indicate any kind of negative reaction on his part. He was to continue seeming friendly, as if nothing had happened. This was a front, a distraction. She would have to focus on this and figure out what it meant. Was he being coy? Did he not care? Was he trying to win her back over? Was he intimidated? This would buy him time.

As we then investigated the situation, we saw more of what was going on and a solution came to us. First, he fired two other employees who were friends of hers and troublemakers. A third he got transferred to an office in a distant location. All of this was ostensibly done as a reaction to their lack of performance, and had no apparent links to the leaking woman in question. The purpose was twofold: to isolate the target, make it harder for her to conspire and stir things up; and to send an indirect warning to her that the boss was not someone to mess with in this way.

His moves were not simple to figure out; they got her attention and iced her. As we considered her possible reactions to this and how she might ratchet it all up if she felt threatened, we worked on a higher angle to this reaction, so that we had as many bases possible covered. We had mapped out a way to even checkmate her if she maneuvered to go public with her information.

Lately I have been rereading Iceberg Slim, one of my favorites. To Iceberg, the world is divided between hustler and sucker. You are either one or the other. The sucker has no angles on life, no sense of the art of indirection, can only make one stupid play at a time. The hustler always aims for the angles, learns how to play them, becomes an artist in the game. The following are the main distinctions he makes between the two types:

"Chumps prefer a beautiful lie to an ugly truth." The sucker wants to believe certain things about life and so projects these wishes on to the real world, seeing what he wants to see, not what is. A hustler thrives on reality, ugly or unpleasant--finds his poetry in the real. He sees the whole table and plays it as it lays.

"No point in getting upset about the unknown. Only suckers do that." A hustler has to deal with danger and risk. It's part of the game. You cannot control it all, nor would you want to. Chaos, unknown factors are not something to be anxious about. They represent opportunities for new angles, new hustles. The sucker cannot stand the unknown and so either fouls up by getting impatient and over anxious, or retreats to a false world of security and the known.


"Stop letting your mind leapfrog like a screwy sucker." A sucker's mind moves all over the place, forgetting the order of things and making chaos where there is none. Hustlers have to stay cool and focused on the chain of events as they unfold, the various angles that are being played, with the possible reactions. A hustler never forgets where the 8 ball lies and how to get to it methodically.


"You can't learn con by memorizing words. Every mark and every play of any con game is different. You have to memorize the elements of con." A sucker wants formulas he can memorize and plug into situations. He has no flow because he is so rigid in his mind. The hustler has flow because he plays for the overall game, knows the elements, can improvise and make angles where no one else sees them.


"I don't lag my bills like a sucker." Suckers have the wrong relationship to money. They try to save pennies here and there, or grasp for the big kill that has all the odds stacked against it. Money brings out all of their neuroses. A hustler understands money. It is a tool for power, for con, and a resource for pleasure. And he always knows the odds.


"Don't get foxed out of your bankroll. The con is made for everyone, you know." Anyone is susceptible to being conned. The wisest hustler can suddenly fall for the worst tramp and lose all of his money on her. The hustler is aware of his own weaknesses and openings to con. This awareness is his edge. A sucker thinks he knows it all and cannot be fooled. That is his fatal flaw.


"Never forget that a grifter's word has to be like a gold bond to his associates." Honor among thieves, in other words. Lower-level hustlers forget this and the importance of reputation. They get lost in the moment and screw the wrong person. Greed should never trump consideration for your credibility. If you don't understand the subtleties of this, you are a sucker.


"I went to the phone to call the Goddess. I walked away from it. It was a sucker play to call her so soon." Impatience is the hallmark of the sucker, and it is never clearer than in matters of seduction. He can't wait to call, spilling out his guts with a confession of love, or trying to reveal how eager he is to impress and please. Emotion trumps strategy. Patience and time is the hustler's creed. "I play for time and see what happens," says Elizabeth I, the great hustler Queen of England.


"...since you blew your top like a mark. You should have stayed cool and figured some con with me to separate that sonuvabitch from a few grand." Anger is deadly and stupid. In a competitive and dangerous world, anger is a great temptation. But only a sucker gives into natural anger at the state of things by reacting with rants and outbursts. The hustler plays the bigger angle and gets revenge on the target by hitting him in his pocketbook, or his reputation. Anger is not repressed but properly channeled.


You must keep raising this game to higher and higher levels, as on the pool table--mastering eventually the psychological angles. Your playing is a pleasure, all the way to the end, to death, when the game is over.