BootsnAll Travel Community

I never seem to have anything to say during awkward moments in the kitchen or water cooler chat. One-on-one, I can bs with coworkers about the weather, or discuss work-related things, or they'll ask me about my running (the one thing everyone knows about me), but in larger water cooler crowds (before meetings), I am silent. My department had this bonding lunch and I spent most of it silent. I like most of my coworkers, but feel like we don't have heaps in common.

A lot of the people at my job talk about television shows, movies, celebrities. This is why I stay silent. The most I know abt Brittney's bad parenting or whatever is from the cover of the tabloids I see when I go to Eckerd every month or so. I don't know the name of movie or TV stars, don't watch many movies so I can't discuss with people what I've seen. I always feel so awkward and they think I'm weird. My dad gave me his old TV but honestly, I don't think I've turned it on to watch television in....months at least. Occasionally I watch movies on it.

Can anyone else commiserate?

Yes, I'm much the same way. I rarely have anything substantial to contribute to workplace conversation. I don't think I seem quite as strange though, since no one is really surprised that I'm not up to speed on the latest Desperate Housewives developments. (For some reason, something like 90% or so of the office staff at my company are women)

I was really awkward about three weeks ago, when my department's weekly lunch came around, and most of my coworkers couldn't make it, leaving just me and my boss. So, lets see...there's me...basically broke, interested mainly in history, computers and travel, and my millionaire boss whose main interests are his tropical fish, and the possibility of buying property in Mexico. Anyway, lunch was full of awkward silences...eventually we discovered that we both scuba dived, so at least that gave us something to talk about.

quote:

Originally posted by cherie:
The most I know abt Brittney's bad parenting or whatever is from the cover of the tabloids I see when I go to Eckerd every month or so.

Girl, you don't know the half of it! While she was pregnant they got pictures of her smoking a cigarette. Can you believe that? Then, when she was running from the paparazzi, she threw her kid in the backseat and totally forgot the baby seat. Then, while not specifically related to her parenting, a few weeks ago she was wearing a short skirt sans panties and while getting out of a car and totally flashed everyone her baby factory. Can you believe that!!?!?!

Wait, what was your question?

I feel the same way! But, mostly I think it is because right now I am focused on the trip and not really wanting the people I work with to know what I'm planning just yet. I tend to be quiet in general but yeah I really don't have much to say about the latest gossip. Not having cable also keeps me from being up on the latest shows.

We had a lunch recently as well and luckily there were a lot of people there, so I just found myself laughing/listening to other people talking. That's fine... I find my current position to be temporary... 332 days!

On the one hand, I like work environments where everyone is encouraged to take their legally mandated breaks, where people feel comfortable going to the coffee room together instead of taking their breaks at their desks (which really isn't healthy, nor productive, BTW - studies have shown that working through lunch is actually less productive then taking a proper break).
On the other hand, I have absolutely nothing to contribute to conversations about Avon products, or the RV show and sale, where people are taking their cruise vacations this year, or where they are taking their RVS, and what the newest RV trends and accessories are, etc.
It seems there is always one person in the workplace who is always talking about something to buy. Be it Avon or Pampered Chef products, or time shares or recreational properties or vehicles or .... whatever.

I've learned something very important in all of this - as much as I sometimes enjoy window shopping, and am very attracted to "shiny's", and feel good after buying something that I've really been wanting, I'm really not that consumeristic in the grand scheme of things. One set of kitchen knives and basic utensils seem to suit us just fine.
So I don't always like feeling like the outcast who has nothing to say, but then again, I don't feel like I'm missing out on things that are really unimportant to me (and some things that I disagree with on a philosophical level, like Hummers and massive RVs).

Cherie, I'm with you on the crowds. I'm fine in one on one or talking with 2 others, but more than that and I tend to become the observer. I don't think there is anything wrong with staying quiet when the conversation is about something meaningless to me - the eyes glaze over, I'm day-dreaming about being in an airport...

But hey I'm up to date on the Britney stuff (at least up to about 6 months ago) as I have been to see the doctor a couple of times recently for shots. The choice is trashy mags or "Ways of our Wives" on TV in the waiting room. I watch some evening TV but it's not worth flapping your jaws over unless it's about an interesting documentary. I will admit to having splashed out on the entire M*A*S*H series (from movie through to end of Season 11) and cannot account for many hours due to it.

But like The Wanderer, I don't intend to hold on to it. It will make the rounds of my family and friends for as long as the discs hold out. I'm also annoyed at the number of 'SUV's and other unnecessarily large vehicles on our roads in Oz. I swear there are more 4wd/SUV's per capita of city dwellers than there are of country dwellers. It's madness - and most country dwellers don't need them!! What a mad world we are living in.

It's funny how people who don't talk a lot, always seem to think that everyone round them thinks that they are somehow strange.

I've always thought that there are those who talk and those who listen.

As a therapist, I would say pick up a news paper each day. I'm not sure where you are but in the UK most major cities have a free news paper each day. The Metro, here in Cardiff. It is full of crap, but if you give it a quick scan over, there is usually enough to comment on if you do get trapped in one of those positions where you have to talk.

The other thing of course is talk about holidays. People always seem to love that, I guess that's why a lot of hair dressers use the 'have you been anywhere on holiday this year' as their opening remark.

I've had many a random conversation with people about places they've been, or where they would love to go.

But like I say, the world needs talkers and listeners

Dante

A saying I once heard and has stuck with me...

"The Wise Owl listens more than he speaks."

Seriously, thats enough seriousness now! Smile - it makes people wonder what you've been up to, not to mention being the second-best thing you can do with your lips!

quote:

Originally posted by TheWanderer:
BTW - studies have shown that working through lunch is actually less productive then taking a proper break).

Do you have a web address or some other reference for this? I'd love to read it.

I know exactly what you mean. The atypical banter bored me so much, I just ask it like its a survey, then doze out until finnaly if the person interests me the slightest by saying something out of the scope "I didnt like it cause of A, its ok cause of B, Did u hear about blah blah?" ect., THEN I can intrued with something we actually have in common. Otherwise I can bs listening well to people. On top of this, we communicate more with our bodies, so I guess I get talked to alot because I looked relaxed all the time and open for conversation. And I never ask a question that doesnt interest me just to fill in blank time, or else I get drained by thinking I have to listen because I asked it.
(PS currently someones talking to me, and Im doing it as we speak, its great!).

quote:

Originally posted by Dharker:
It's funny how people who don't talk a lot, always seem to think that everyone round them thinks that they are somehow strange.

For me, it's more that *I* feel strange in the situation and so I tend to think that that's palpable when really everybody else is too concerned with other things to notice. I do find that people tend to think that you if you don't talk much that either you don't have a personality or are boring.

at my work it's all about babies, husbands, babies, mothers-in -law and, oh yeah, babies. And a lot of "well hey at least tomorrow's friday"

argh! doesn't anyone do/think/know anything interesting?!?!

I mentioned that i rock climb at a gym, which I love doing but they looked at me like I said I enjoy eating the heads off of newborn kittens. It's not THAT weird!

You're a therapist Dharker?!! Does this mean we can pick your brain for free therapy here? I'm overjoyed! When can we start? How about with my 17-year old son whom I can't seem to convince that europe is clean and won't be boring?

Why dont you all who are having problems with "water cooler" talk simply just talk to the other person or people like you would with your friends instead of coworkers? If they dont pick up on the conversation then nothing lost I guess.

Hey just do what I do during those awkward silences break out in song. Last time that happened. I started sing "Look at me I'm Sandra Dee" from Grease. A 48 year old guy with a very grey beard standing 6' tall weighing 250lbs sing that song, will guarantee that everybody else will speak to keep those awkward silences from ever happening again.

Wow, I would have liked to have seen that performance! Can you do "Surrey With The Fringe On Top" from Oklahoma?

quote:

Originally posted by Haci Richard:

quote:

Originally posted by TheWanderer:
BTW - studies have shown that working through lunch is actually less productive then taking a proper break).

Do you have a web address or some other reference for this? I'd love to read it.

Sorry, I totally missed this post.

I've been looking for the research, and unfortunately, it's been a couple of years since I came across actual studies in journals and academic resources. I have, however, recently read several articles along this line in local papers and the net. Few of them actually reference the original studies or research. I also know that in some 'enlightened' management circles, this is one topic of great interest, along with taking naps during your lunch-hour, promoting fitness in the workplace by having a gym, or in the least a small game room for ping pong, foosball, etc.
Anything that generally encourages people to get away from their desk for a bit, to socialize, do something even remotely active is encouraged by more progessive management teams.
But again, I have only anecdotal evidence of this.

bigmaude, No but I do sing "Oh! What a Beautiful Moring" from Oklahoma, "A Modern Major General" and " A Pirates Life for Me" Water cooler talk is usually about crap I could care less about including such "HOT" topics as "Desperate Housewives" and "American Idol" I much prefer to talk international politics or philosophy when I have a conversation or even more importantly where the best prices for one way tickets to anywhere overseas can be found.

well imagine you work in a job thats basically a big "water cooler"!!! I work for a local tv station, so I watch tv about 8 hours + a day! All we talk about is what is on tonight, what happened last night? and WHY THE HELL ARE WE STILL ON ANNA NICOLE?!! oh yeah that one really gets me!
If you can't think of anything to say or contribute you can always talk about the big 3! Reglion, Politics, Money. althought I wouldn't touch them within a 10ft pole!