BootsnAll Travel Community

I have reached that age when I think there must be more to life than working for a living, so I have decided to set off and spend the rest of my life doing the things I've always wanted to do, traveling, walking, mountaineering and exploring other parts of our planet. My problem is I would love my girlfriend to come with me. I put the proposition to her, lets go together and spend the rest of our lives exploring, but she is dragging her heals over making a desission. So come on guys give me a clue, how can I persuade that this is the thing to do.She is the adventurous sort but just needs a little push, and I love her and won't go without her.

that's a huge decision to be made.. especially if you asked her not too long ago. you're asking her to leave everything she knows behind. no more of her other friends, her family, the comfort of home. and for forever too! if you weren't exaggerating about spending the rest of your lives exploring, that is. however sweet, romantic, adventurous, daring, and liberating this idea sounds, these kinds of decisions shouldn't be pushed-- you shouldn't pressure her. make it clear to her that you would love it if she came with, but i think it'd be unfair for her if you tell her 'i won't go [after my dreams] without you'. because, what if she doesn't value travel/adventure the same way you do? that would either force you two apart, force her to do something she doesn't want to do, or force you to give up on this extended trip (which you may end up resenting her for). or all of the above.

some good point there, thanks.

my advice is start small. I had the same issue w/ my boyfriend and honestly it took well over a year for him to see this decision as a truly positive thing (and sometimes i still wonder). It's hard to imagine that others don't view it the same as you but a lot of people have never thought about the idea of long term travel and it literally flips their world upside down. As for my boyfriend, he felt that professionally he was getting to the place he wanted to be and to up and leave seemed like bad timing. it took a long while for him to realize that he could work on the road (he's a writer) and actually use this to help him. I know it seems bizarre it took that long. Also, keep in mind you probably have been mulling this over in your head for a long time now, even if it was just a daydream. This could be the first time she has ever really thought of something like this.

Also, pick a fun place to discuss traveling. In my experience talking about it at night when video games or the tv is on, just doesn't fly. My boyfriend loves watching games at bars and i'm not that into it, then we found we could compromise and bring maps/books to the bar. We do that now and it works REALLY well. we both get something we want. We both get excited and now I feel like he is finally, really on board and he gets to think about it while having fun instead of feeling like I am nagging him. If your girlfriend has something she likes to do, think of a way to incorporate travel talk into it. Works well!

Plus, it is a lot more fun drinking wine and planning our trip than just sitting on the couch in our p.j's.

Thank you, Its nice to get a female point of view. I think my plans for our future are water tight but I think my girl friend just does'nt believe this could happen to her, and she's not sure how serious I am.I love her to the ends of the earth and just want to try and give us both a little more in our lives.Anyway, thanks for your reply, any advice is welcome.

You don't indicate whether you have traveled together befor- I would never take off on an extensive trip with someone I had not done trips with before. There are people I dearly love but would end up hating by the second week. My idea of travel is to come up with an outline-go and deal with whatever happens- there are many people who are very uncomfortable with that and some who want every detail planned which drives me crazy. Try for a couple of multi-week trips and you may find she either loves it or hates it- better to find that out before you commit to a lifestyle of travel.

I, too, was faced with a decision. I wanted to travel the world while my boyfriend just didn't think it was the right time. Instead we figured out how to do it together where it met both of our needs. We know we are the one for each other, there is no question about that. And he wouldn't truly love me if he tried to hold back the river of my heart and dreams of seeing the world. We came up with that I would do the first leg, alone as a self-discovery trip 4 months through south america starting in november and ending in feb quito to rio. Then the 2nd leg will be in a few years in Africa after he gets his plane hours in (he's a pilot and in a plush job he can't leave). Every few years we will take a year off and explore a continent no matter what phase of life we are in. If we have kids, they will come. If not, it will be just us. We will also explore living outside of the U.S. He is a pilot so he gets to travel a lot day to day and explore on someone elses dime which is why I get my own trip this year. If you and her were really meant to be together it will all work itself out. True love doesn't hold you back. If it is true love then you will work through it and the universe will work with you to help make it happen. Once I decided to make my trip, everything fell into place. It also took me a year to get this idea fully realized in my boyfriends head and get it all worked out. Before we each had separate dreams, now we have a dream together and a separate personal dream. We work together to make sure we each are on our paths to wherever it is we want to be But most of all we are there to support each other.

I always find that this situation is very simple and doesn't really take much consideration. Here it goes:

If you feel that you need to do all these things, because the 'other' life doesn't make you happy anymore, then you need to go - with or without girlfriend. If you stay because she doesn't want to go, then you'll eventually become bitter, because you feel you 'missed out'. Sooner or later, in one silly argument or another, you'll blame her for your own bitterness. Once you've said these words, the relationship can only end one way.

Remember, if you're not happy, she won't be happy. If she isn't happy, you won't be happy. If you feel like you need to do this...do it. If you're meant to be, you'll find eachother again (I speak from experience in that matter.)

Just leave her behind for a few months. Thats what I did.

Are you that co-dependant were you will die if you are not around her 24/7, in each others faces all day long?

Get some independance and live life for yourself.

If she dumps you for it then you are better off. You shouldnt be with a girl who is like that. Thank goodness my girlfriend trusts me and I trust her too, and we have no issues with jealousy or envy.

I will probably go back once she is finished with college and marry her and bring her with me on my life of dreams and amazing adventures. But if somehow we break up, then fine, more adventures for me. I know that we wont break up with eachother because there is just no point. Nobody else can even come close to tempting us more than eachother.

But my life is too much of an amazing event to let anyone else hold me back even one inch, and she knows this.

From the first word of your post it's clear that you've made a decision for YOUR future without consulting your gf. No matter how perfect your plan may be for you, singly, you have to accept that it may not be perfect for you, the couple, and that decision is a joint one because there are two people involved.

There's a lot of good advice in the other posts here so I won't reiterate. But I will suggest that you back off on the "the rest of our lives" goal and suggest a shorter expedition together. You have a much better chance of selling her on that, and afterwards you'll both know whether a permanent commitment is feasible.

Well.
Why not this?...........forget the long run plan. Ask her, where is it that she would love more than anywhere to visit. Ask her for a short list and a long list. Take the short list match it to yours and take her there. Explain that you want as much for her to feel the same as you do about exploring new places, experiencing new things. If you both give a little and try one that appeals to both your short lists, you may have a start, right?
My husband and I, (only married a few years and we are in our fifties) decide on a new place to visit each year. Since we started this 5 years ago, we are hooked and now both want to travel about with no roots. We are working on that together. I think someone mentioned baby steps. Calm down, find patience, show her the time of her life.
So, where are you going?