BootsnAll Travel Community

Hi All,
It's funny - I didn't anticipate my family's reaction to our travel plans. I'm wondering if you all had similar experiences and how you were able (if you were able) to get your parents or others to come around and be happy for you instead of terrified.

My sister has been great, really supportive. She even wants to take a sabbatical and meet us for a month somewhere(with her baby). My Grandpa got all excited (which I didn't expect). He went on and on about how he was stationed in Spain and Portugal for over a year with the Air Force in the 40's. He loved Portugal and talked about the Azores as well.

My parents act like if they don't talk about it, maybe it will go away. They kind of humor us, like they don't expect it to actually happen. My Mom comes right out and expresses a huge amount of fear. I've tried talking about where we are going, what we want to see, etc. It's hard for me to imagine someone not being interested or wanting to do such a thing themselves. I don't need my parents blessing - but it would be nice if there were some magic words I could say to put their minds at ease. Did any of you have an experience like this? Were you able to get your parents or others to come around? I'm trying to get them to meet us somewhere - what do you think would be a good tatic?

Family opinions will always cover the spectrum. The fact that your mother expresses fear is because she's your mother and she loves you.

When I left it was with no return time planned. After a while my family saw that I was happy and safe. That was when my mother excepted it. She still wished I was closer to home and living a more traditional life. But she was happy for me.

My grandmother told that if she was single and 60 years younger, she would go with me. That really would have been fun! The rest of my family thought that it was a little crazy and were a bit envious - in a good way - about my travelling.

I think that in a short time, when they see that you are safe and happy, everyone will come around. Emails, postcards, letters and phone calls can help a lot.

Good advice Thanks.

quote:

Originally posted by Bri:
My parents act like if they don't talk about it, maybe it will go away. They kind of humor us, like they don't expect it to actually happen. My Mom comes right out and expresses a huge amount of fear.

My mother has traveled and lived in a developing country before and she still acted that way. She was excited for us in a way but the excitement was tempered with a lot of fear. I think worry and fear is just part of being a parent. She also ignored our plans for a few months hoping that we would forget about it, but that's how she deals with a lot of things. We asked her to meet us in Bali (somewhere relatively easy to travel in) for the last 3 weeks of our trip and that gave her something to look forward to.

Keeping a blog is a great way to stay in contact with your family and help them understand what you're doing - but only if you update it often which can be a pain while traveling.

Yeah - we are definitely planning on keeping a blog.

I'm not a mother - and from what I understand, once you become a mother you worry about your kid and want to protect them so much, it's like, crazy. Like a non-parent can't understand it. So, I guess I will see my Mom's worry as love and continue to try to talk them into meeting us.

My parents were really supportive when we first told them about the idea for our trip. And then less and less so as the plans actually began to materialize. When I called to tell them we bought the tickets, my reception was really rather cold.

They're scared for you. They might think you're being irresponsible. One big fix in my family came oddly when I was just chatting and mentioned insurance. My Dad's entire outlook on the whole thing just completely shifted.

Maybe it would work just to figure out one key thing that they're worried about and address that.

quote:

Originally posted by my2thhurts:
The fact that your mother expresses fear is because she's your mother and she loves you.

I would agree with that. She is just worried about you. She was probably worried about you when you first left home too.

For me it was my daughter. She would freak out everytime I went somewhere. The only thing that helped was coming home in one piece over and over again. Now she doesn't even flinch when I tell her where I'm off to. Her only responses are "how long will you be gone"..."do you need a ride to the airport" and stuff like that.

My parents (who are separated) had some interesting responses.

My Dad who busted his arse through medical school, the ER, and still to this day, well he was all for it. Which was a surpise to me. I thought he would have thought I was being irresponsible and should just focus on work, starting a family, etc. After all, that's what he did.

My Mom, who has traveled quite a bit, was totally against it. She thought I was throwing my whole life and career away.

Now, if that was just the end of the story I would have never posted. What's been interesting in the last 5 years as I continue to travel is that my parents have totally swapped positions. My Dad thinks I have overstayed my welcome on the travelers circuit and its time to settle down. Where as my Mom has come to accept my vagabonding ways.

Go figure. We'll see what another 5 years brings.

I agree with everyone that parents+fear=natural. I must confess that even as a mom who has spent time in a mexican jail and fled the scene of a fire bombing in a milk truck, I was absolutely white knuckled when my daughter did her first major trip - even though it was Europe, even though she took a friend. I dunno...it feels more dangerous when it's your offspring, not you. Give them time, they'll hopefully adjust. If they don't want to talk about meeting you somewhere now, think of some good places to hook up and suggest it again later.

My folks are bemused by and vaguely interested in my travels. When I call them to say hi, the first thing they say is "Where are you?". They are just as surprised when I say "home in Texas" as "Hawalli". Funny story: one of my aunts put together one of those vanity books where they do a geneology and a bio of everyone. My 'rents put my bio together while I was gone, and it reads something like "Larri does Sohokan karate, works on computers and goes places like Japan and Israel."

Kind of interesting what my life looks like to them...

La

My parents have been great. They gave me a bunch of cash for christmas so I could by my expensive pieces of gear. I'm the oldest child of 3 and single, child-free and I think they know that I have handled myself and my finances since I was 16. They are incredible as are the siblings. No one I've met yet has been negative.

Fun

Everyone was supportive of my trip...except my mother. She had nightmares about me driving over a cliff on a scooter a week after I told her I was going and continued to fret for the first several weeks into the trip.

My blog has actually helped her deal with her motherly paranoia because she can keep tabs on me. :P She even comments on it regularly. (She also thinks I swear too much on my blog, but whatever.)

Bri: are you going to be blogging your trip? or at least writing big group emails?

Yes, Blogging, Emails, Postcards, Calls home - the whole shabang.

My sister & bro-in-law, brother, mother in law, aunt in law, and two sisters in law are planning on meeting us different places as well (probably for sure). So plenty of family contact.

Anything outside of the U.S. is exotic to my family, and the whole wide world is a very scary place to the majority of my relatives.
Because of this I tend to wait until about 2 weeks before I leave before even telling them I'll be travelling. Not one of my family members knows yet about my April trip to China.
Call it total avoidance on my part, but I've chosen to allow them 2 weeks of anxiety versus my telling them now and listening to them fret and worry for months.

When on the road I try to email them once a week if possible to let them know I'm still alive.

zeke: that puts a whole new spin on "relationship management" LOL

I guess b/c we were a military family and spent 8 years in europe plus my parents like to travel (albeit not on this level) they "get it"

Fun

My friends and co-workers are excited for me but worry and are always giving me safety tips like "wear a wedding band" and "don't get drunk and and walk home alone at night". My parents are not thrilled, but accepting. My sister, however, in describing what she thinks of me traveling solo can only put it in one word, "STUPID". She is the type of person who has never spent the night alone in her own home and won't even go grocery shopping alone. I tell everyone I've never felt lonely while traveling, I don't even know what home-sickness feels like, and I'm smart.

FUNCHILDE, I like your term "relationship management"!
It puts a name on what I've spent years developing with my family of keeping them in the dark about a whole lot of my activities.

You guys are cracking me up - and it's nice to see that I don't need to feel guilty about similar "relationship management" that I have been partaking in for many years and many reasons.

Interesting reading everyone else's stories. I started traveling abroad & alone about 10 years ago. The first time I called home upset because I was in Paris by myself and had lost my friends my parents told me that it was great that I was alone and I should see it as an opportunity.

Each trip I took my mom showed more and more concern. I guess part of that was because each time I went to a more "exotic" place. Even though I have tons of experience under my belt she has started voicing concern to me and even saying "you're not going there." And that's funny because I smile and say "yes, I am." Just at dinner tonight she said "you're not going to Nepal, right?" and I said "probably." She went on telling me that she saw something on the news about something happening there. It's best to keep parents away from the news, and the US ocnsular sheets and warnings. It's usually easy because she only watched local news which doesn't really mention international issues.

quote:

Because of this I tend to wait until about 2 weeks before I leave before even telling them I'll be travelling

Yep, that's pretty much my approach too. Of course, the longer I keep them in the dark, the less I look forward to actually telling them...but I guess its got to be done. But I must admint, it was a lot easier to announce a trip to Europe (where my parents have visited a few times), than to announce a trip to the middle east...I'll get to it yet...once I have tickets.

My mom has always been very supportive of my traveling, and has even come to visit me on two trips. I think it's because my sister has a lot of trouble handling day to day things, whereas I am pretty good at handling myself in changing situations. Compare me to my sister and I look like a superhero - even though I'm far from one!! I also leave as much info as possible for my mom - such as my mobile number when I know it, the American embassy phone numbers of the countries I know I will be in, and I usually call/email her every couple of days to let her know where I'll be. (Yeah yeah, I know there's a big debate about this type of contact on another thread, but I'm not trying to escape my family, I miss them when I'm away and enjoy talking to them, and know it's important that SOMEONE know what country I'm in at any given time...)

I just recently found out, however, that the REST of my family (aunts, grandparents etc) has actually spent my last 3 trips in a state of panic! They weren't aware of how often I talked to my mom, etc. and they were freaked out that no one would even know what country I was in, should I disappear or something. I wish I'd known I was causing them so much anxiety, I would have made sure they were a little more filled-in (no skin off my back either way...).

But that's it, my grandparents don't "get" wanting to go to certain places (like my grandfather fought in Korea and can't understand anyone wanting to go to Asia at ALL) but they still support me financially and emotionally for the most part.

All in all, I guess my point is that providing information can be the key to gaining support.