BootsnAll Travel Community

Who here has done it, and how did it turn out?

Done it a few times...Japanese, Honduran, Dominican, Israeli, and British. Worked out fine, a couple were reasonably long term but nothing serious-with-a-bit-S, except for my current squeeze, who is a Scot. Does that count? (I'm American). There were definitely some cultural differences, but it was never a real problem.


La

I wonder if the experience is different for men than women. As an American female, in a lot of ways I have more freedom than a woman from any other country on earth so it is a little different to navigate w/ men from particularly hard-core patriachies. But love is love so you soldier on. Good question, who else has gotten the goods with a multi-culti hottie?

My girlfriend is from Belgium, but she is going to school here in the states, so it kind of counts haha.

I've dated girls from Ukraine (where I live) and it can be hard. When your dating someone from a country where getting visa's is hard, and moving to another country is not really an option, it kind of makes you not take it as seriously. Because I know that I'm going to leave, and they know that, and they can't come with, it only lets you grow so close. but it's still fun and interesting. And the differences in expectation from dates is very interesting, and though I usually find out the hard way about what you should do, I think it's a good learning experience and makes you a better person. just my 2 cents.

I've casually dated across a number of different cultures while traveling and living abroad. Nothing ever turned serious, but I wondered if sometimes it was due to the language barrier. Even if they spoke fluent English, I couldn't help but think they couldn't fully express themselves nor completely understand the meaning behind the words I was saying.

quote:

Originally posted by FUNCHILDE:
I wonder if the experience is different for men than women. As an American female, in a lot of ways I have more freedom than a woman from any other country on earth so it is a little different to navigate w/ men from particularly hard-core patriachies. But love is love so you soldier on. Good question, who else has gotten the goods with a multi-culti hottie?

There was a study recently published on binational marriages here. They found the divorce rate among couple where the woman was Austrian and the man from another country to be far higher than when the reverse was true. In an interview with a counceling center for such couples the topic was adressed pretty openly: if a woman comes from a stricter, more patriarchal system and marries a modern European man then she is likely to benefit from the broader freedoms and enjoy them. But when a man from such a culture marries a woman who expects to lead an equal marriage as partners - well then the tensions are pre-programmed. Some make it and build new models of relatinships for themselves, others can't move beyond patterns they grew up with and the relationships end.

I met and married a beautiful Zambian woman when I lived there and at first it was wonderful. We did not rush into this we dated a year before we were ingaged and engaged for another year. Our problems really didn't begin until we moved back to the USA. The problem really wasn't a cultural one that caused us to break up. It was the same thing that breaks up all my relationships. I get itchy feet and have to move on. I cannot stay in a city more than a year and I have to move. She wanted a home. She left me to have one.

Another snag I noticed in the cross cultural dating thing is the rest of their culture.

Both the Honduran and the Japanese guys I dated really kind of liked it that I was outspoken and independent - when we were alone or with Americans, that is. It was even okay being around their local friends for short periods, but it got old fast. I'm sure that they got sick of saying, "Yes, she speaks up like that all the time" and "No, I really can't control her", and I got sort of worn out on the fact that just being myself seemed to be insulting to my bf in the eyes of his culture.

La

quote:

Good question, who else has gotten the goods with a multi-culti hottie?

This line is classic.

I dated a Slovenian guy for three years and it didn't work out - I think it's always hard to figure out how much different culture was a factor as opposed to just different people.

I think if you care about someone, cultural differences are possible to overcome between you - but of course you do have to live in the world, so other people definitely play a role.

I also think specifically being from two different countries can put pressures on a relationship that wouldn't be there otherwise: should we get married so we can both work in the same country, and which country should we settle in permanently etc.

The study about Austrian divorces is VERY interesting and it may fit with somethign I've noticed among: it seems more common, among native English speakers anyway, for the guy to be a native speaker and the woman to be the one speaking a foreign langugae in the relationship. I personally know of fewer couples of the reverse.

Or, this could just be my excuse for not having a foreign boyfriend.

I've dated across cultures many times.
I like it.
I think it's fun.
And, dont hate me, but I tend to favor men of the non-North American persuasion (Canada, USA, Mexico). I think it's because in some of the cultures I've dated in men tend to flirt and be curteous not to get into your pants (like it seems with my current culture) but just because, it's what they do. They flirt for fun, they like to take care of their girlfriends. That's that. And I'd also like to note that many are much more apt to be open and honest about where/what's going on with the relationship. Is it a fling? Do they expect more? They tend to not be so freaked out by the topic.

Now I will say with a few Arab relations I've had a few problems can arise with the idea of 'where is this going'. Not really with the men so much as the family. To much of the culture dating is a prelude to marriage. If you are dating for any amount of time it is expected that you would not stay with them unless you planned to marry them. Why waste your (percieved) abstinence?
But the families, while they may judge you quietly, will almost never say anything directly to you or to the son you are dating (Arab politeness dosnt favor such intrusions). Basically they'll voice their concernes behind your back (which you have to decide if you give a crap or not about)until you DO get engaged in which case they suddenly decide you are fabulous and welcome to the family (at least with expereiences I've seen/had).

In some European relationships I've had I notice that the men tend to take things much less seriously. They dont even really expect the relationship to be a monogomous one, unless you are specific, and then sometimes it seems to be met with...well...reluctance.

In Korean relationships I notice the fathers will LOVE you and ...even thank you for dating their son (if the relationship is going ducky) and the mother you MUST impress with your wifely abilities...because those woman know wifely duty (cook, clean, kids) and they will hold you up to par.

Most Native Americans I've dated seem to have a very serious outlook on things...not just the relationship but life in general. So it tends to flavor that in a (for me) not so fantastic way.

I dont know if you would consider the black culture of America any different then the white. I would, for the most part. And I will say that dating a black man is VERY difficult in this culture. Stares, whispers, ideas that the black man is selling out, the white woman has jungle fever or is a nymph. That makes a relationship very difficult. Not to mention you have people asking you "So what about kids, are you okay with a mulatto?" ...which I never understood because I think biracial kids are adorable.

Latino men have a lot of machismo at times and I can dig it. It can even be cute at times. I noticed Latinos are very family oriented (like Arabs) but the difference is if the Latino mother or sister or brother or cousin or cousins' cousin has an issue with you...you're gonna know about it, pronto. But the parties are to die for.

I advocate dating across cultures, it's a great way to explore one...so to speak, ha.

Elis: that is really interesting re: australian study, but maybe its intuitive that there would be problems in the scenario where the woman has to curb her independence to accomodate a stricter view of feminine roles in a r'ship.

Kate: I'm glad you like that "multi-culti hottie" line, work it into a sentence whenever you can!

quote:

Originally posted by Prisa:
I've dated across cultures many times.
I like it.
I think it's fun.
And, dont hate me, but I tend to favor men of the non-North American persuasion (Canada, USA, Mexico). I think it's because in some of the cultures I've dated in men tend to flirt and be curteous not to get into your pants (like it seems with my current culture) but just because, it's what they do. They flirt for fun, they like to take care of their girlfriends. That's that. And I'd also like to note that many are much more apt to be open and honest about where/what's going on with the relationship. Is it a fling? Do they expect more? They tend to not be so freaked out by the topic.

While I haven't dated any foreign girls, I was over in europe for 3 weeks, and the girls I met were more open and less frigid than american girls... easier to talk to I guess.