BootsnAll Travel Community

So my wonderfully optimistic mom told me that she is sure that I am going to die during my rtw.

This isn't Mothers intuition or anything, just her being as pessimistic as possible. I keep telling her that I have almost as much chance of dying walking to work everyday as I do during this trip.

I just don't know what to say to her any more to reassure her.

If that's her attitude probably the only thing you can do to prove her wrong is come back alive!

Good point, I plan on doing that!

I just wish she could be more behind my decision. I guess that she is in her own way though. Everything I got for Christmas was stuff that I will use on the road, including a digital camera. Maybe she just likes to give me a hard time.

It's tough to get support from family when they don't travel themselves. I'm going on my first RTW trip in June after I graduate, and of course my parents are worried about it. My grandmother told me something unnecessarily harsh last week...that my trip would take years off my mothers life, and that I should cancel my plans if I cared about my family. My mother is worried, but it isn't that bad.

My cousins are supportive, but my aunts and uncles are calling every country that isn't in Europe a "backwards" country that might kill me. Like Midlife said though, don't give up on your dream...just come back alive and tell them about your trip, so that next time you won't run into the same problem.

Look at it this way:

Because you are taking the time to see the world, when your future son or duaghter comes to you and announces they can't wait to travel around the world it will fill you with Nostalgia instead of fear.

In the meantime, I try to skew my traveling discussions towards topics relating to how common and safe some of the places are. ("Thailand has more westerners than locals in some of the touristy places in the high season", rather than "cambodia still has land mines lying around, thats crazy huh?")

I recommend rubbing her nose in it when you get back.

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I recommend rubbing her nose in it when you get back.

Wow, ouch.

Isn't it nice that you have a mom who worries about you, rather than one who couldn't give a shit what happened? That's how I look at those things. I would feel sad if my parents didn't worry about me. She is just nervous for you, and unsure of how to express it.

Parenting doesn't just suddenly end. It is nice you have a mom who cares about you

Part of me feels like rubbing it in would be good because even though in the smart part of my brain I know that she is my mom and she loves me. I also know that she is a pessimist and has always been. The dumb part of my brain feels like its an attack on my travel abilities.

I just wish that there was some magic sentence that could reduce her worry and make her more excited for me.

There is such a thing as too much parental support. See my thread on Eeek! My Mum announces she's coming on my RTW.

I've said this before but those closest to you often love telling you your limitations and what you can't do. So long as you don't start agreeing with them, you'll be fine.

Hi there!
I have heard the "It's a dangerous place" and "What if you die" comments many times before.
My answer to my mom?
I believe in destiny. If I'm meant to die tomorrow, I will whether I'm here or in India. But if I do die overthere, then please console yourselves in knowing that I passed away while doing something that I loved... while living my passion rather than staying here and being miserable...

Of course, my mother hated it when I told her that, but I told her so many times that she no longer tells me "What if you die..."
Good luck!

What a great idea, thank you.

Tell her you live in New York where people get pushed in front of subways and hit by cabs and all sorts of other bad things and she should worry about that more. Hahaha...no, but seriously, tell your mom you will be very careful, you won't take drinks from strangers, you will phone her/email her as frequently as possible, you will be smart in your travels, you won't take risks, etc.

Then give her a big hug.

I met this very cool director of a film called "Amandla!" -- a music documentary about the resistance songs of South Africa under 40 years of apartheid.

Before he set off to South Africa years ago for research and filming, his mother, being a mom, of course worried no end about him, tried to convince him not to go.

One day he gets a call from the U.S. State Department, about the dangers of going to South Africa or something along that line. He was understandably rather freaked out that the US State Dept knew about his trip somehow and was calling him about it.

Later he discovered..... his mom had arranged the phone call!

Wahahaha.

Anyway, Kathryn, don't worry. You can't do anything about a parent's compulsions or personality traits, just be patient with her and don't get sucked into it. Just tell yourself "she's just being mom and it's not going to change. Oh well.... I'm going around the world and it's going to KICK ASS! Wooooo! ."

Travelclown's idea is rather sound, methinks.

And when you're at patience's end, you can tell yourself "hey at least she didn't arrange a call from the US State Department..."

At 29, I left for my RTW and my father arranged "interventions". It was that bad. He's incredibly conservative and acted like the Great Depression was coming. I told him point blank, you can either hate me until the day I leave and then regret it, or support me in my decision now and help me prepare. He opted for the former, surprisingly. I also proved to him that my company would hire me back, and they did twice so far...Good luck!!!

Ha ha. I went on a 3-week solo trip to Mexico once and my mother arranged an intervention with my grandfather. He was cool with it, though.

I know it's sad not to have parental support, but picture the kind of life you'll have if you always live the way they want you to.

A lot of parental disapproval boils down to selfish interest in their kids having a safe life and career such that said kids can have lots of healthy, well educated grandkids to promote the grandparents' genetic legacy and all that. Most of the rest is fear of the unknown (that a bunch of people here have described).

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A lot of parental disapproval boils down to selfish interest in their kids having a safe life

My guess is that all parents want their children to have a safe life, period, regardless if they're going to procreate.

I guess I have the unpopular opinion on this board gives parents a bit of a break, especially those that have never traveled. And even those who have are allowed to be scared for their children.

Sometimes, we have to cut our parents a little slack.

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Originally posted by anniebanannie:

My guess is that all parents want their children to have a safe life, period, regardless if they're going to procreate.

I should have used the words "low risk" instead of safe. There is a big difference. No one wishes their kids to have a dangerous or unsafe life.

If this helps, while we were on our RTW, some people were horrified that we are from the US, "the most dangerous country in the world." One man thought that we wouldn't answer the door w/o a gun in our hand. And you're from NY, so all of the above, only double. I think they think we all live in a CSI type scenario. It just goes to show how perceptions can be so mistaken.