BootsnAll Travel Community

My tag line should read: Solo Solo. I've traveled with others but other than the financial advantage I find that I'm just too independent to give myself over to joint decisions.

If I had listened to the bad mouthing about Turkey I would have missed out on some amazing experiences. In my upcoming, and first, RTW, the only country I'm visiting again is Turkey. I was told that Turkey is the most sexist country in the world. That women are second class citizens, etc. etc. etc. (To that I say, name me a country that isn't fundamentally sexist and where women are complete equals of men.)

I never felt so safe as I did when in Turkey. Of particular interest to women is that their toilets are the cleanest I've ever seen in a developing country. This is part of the Muslim tradition, this observance of cleanliness about bodily functions. Even using an outhouse in a remote village was a decent experience.

About the men: many of them are touts trying to get you into a shop to buy carpets or such like. I was distressed the first few hours there because I didn't know what to say and it was quite an onslaught. I asked the young man at my hotel what I should do and he suggested rudeness. I couldn't as I know these men are just trying to earn a living. What I did was to not say anything and not respond but to smile nicely if approached directly. Within about 12 hours I was labeled a deaf-mute and the rest of my days in the Sultanahmet were glorious!

While I would never counsel rudeness, I do counsel women especially that they should be able to readily access anger or at least righteous indignation. Men in overtly sexist countries are terrified of angry women. If ever you feel like things are getting out of hand and there's no one around to help, become like a cobra: raise yourself up, square off your shoulders, find your angry face and if need be your angry voice. Look your swain right in the eye and start swearing a blue streak. Do NOT try to swear in anything other than your own language as it just won't work. They won't understand the words but I can assure you that they will get the meaning. It's a very little used tool: I've only had to do this a couple of times in my many years of travel. But it works and in one case I was told by my companions (a Mexican father and son who were giving me a ride) that I saved their lives by standing up to bandits posing as Federalies.

im much more fearful of traveling with people than without, only because the "extra baggage" could ruin a trip (depending on numerous relationship and personality variables)

One big negative I didnt see on the list is injury/illness. I had both on my first solo trip, two diffrent things in two weeks. It put me down for a few days, and reduced my activities for the rest of the trip. The first was I had a severe allergic reaction to a delicous seafood salad. Had to spend the night in ER, and then stayed the whole next day resting in my room. The 2nd incident was, I was drunk and fell coming out of a train station and sprained my left wrist! So I was incapacitated for the rest of that week. It was funny though, because after I busted my ass in front of the station, I saw the bus coming....so I ran and hopped on it, and busted my ass again in the middle of the isle.

Now the friends thing, it definitely depends on the destination or purpose. Its better with a male/female mix....but if its all women you have to deal with pms or attitudes at some point. And joint decisions can be disappointing, because Im independent, and get disappointed when I really wanna do something...and have to pass because no one else wants to do it. Or if everyone's beat, and Im still going strong, and we end up turning in. I inevitably end up going off alone at some point, thats happened everytime.

One the other hand, I miss having friends when I go tanning on the beach....or want to have a drink in the bar. You feel a bit exposed.

Very informative thread!

In one month I will be in Brazil on my own. Then I'll be with people for 2 months and then it's off for some more solo traveling. I can't wait!

quote:

Originally posted by jjdpallday:
One big negative I didnt see on the list is injury/illness.

excellent point. obviously things could be a lot more serious if you need help and no one is there to provide it. also you never feel as bad if there is someone there giving you a 'there there' - its true!

I've gotten sick twice while traveling, once solo and once with two friends. It was better solo as I didn't have to feel guilty for holding back the friends. Luckily they were relatively mild, self-limiting illnesses. Might have been a different story if they had required a trip to a doctor or hospital. One of the aforementioned friends and I were traveling in southern Mexico when she became ill. She was lucky that I was with her as the doctor didn't speak any English and she needed my Spanish to help with translation.

O/T: He was one of the best clinicians I ever observed. He took an amazingly careful history and did a thorough physical exam. It was very nice to experience the practice of good medicine without all the fancy equipment I am used to as a nurse in a high-tech urban hospital.

tammy Blue, you're a selfless, selfess thing! I guess thats the difference betwee guys and girls - as much as it pains me to admit it, i think girls are more likely to 'get on with it' (although male bravado can be a force to be reckoned with ;-)) whereas the guys - judging people by my own standards here - are more likely to wallow in their own self pity! LOL
Looking back over the Pros and Cons post, its clear that its been written from a male's perspective. The replies so far have been great as they have looked at the issue from both sides - and it highlights a completely different set of fears, concerns, and values.
I'd love for a girl who has traveled a bit (both solo and with someone else) to knock up a post on this subject, but purely from a females point of view. I think two articles of this nature, from two completely different points of view, would complement eachother very well indeed.
if there are any girls out there who fancy writing such a post, and wish to see it posted on ubertramp - please PM me and we can sort something out.
Ta, Nath

Just a quick note about solo travel as I have gone solo for many years... just because... I had also decided that after a long trip to Europe in the arly 90's alone I would not solo again. Mostly out of being lonely. I did several adventure and church trips over 8 years. But this winter I did 3 out of 6 weeks in Thailand solo.

My tip is the best place to meet people is traveling between cities on the transport...buses... ferry... plane is where I met people I spent time with. In the big cities of CM and BKK I found hard to meet others outside of the tour packages. but the freedom to go as I pleased was great.

Go for it... girl or guy... we should all be careful.

Cheers.

I guess sometimes you've got to hit the traveler hangouts to meet people (well known stop offs with cheap accom is always a good place to start)- and also frequent palces where there maybe other solo travelers.
I agree that this isn't always possible, and from time time to time pangs of loniness can set in - still, just another trial of being on the road i guess

Pros and cons aside, it looks as if Ill be solo for as long as it takes. I dont have any world-traveller friends. Anyone who can take months off of work--let alone in sychronization with me--to travel around. And most people wouldnt think of it and/or cant afford it anyways. Ive been blessed with a new job where i CAN take of months in between-assignments. And when i AM working, they provide housing and transportation. All I pay for is food and gas. Oh, and my cell phone bill. I just opened one of those online accounts to store all my extra savings! Although I cant say when or where Ill start my travels, Im playing it by ear.

This has been a great thread to read through. In general, I don't mind traveling alone but I've only really done it in the US. I managed to get the flu on my solo-leg from Dublin to Barcelona and that was not fun at all -- but I made it through.

I've been thinking about doing a 3-4 week jaunt around SE Asia next year and I'd like to do it alone, although I am a little worried. But I think the shortness of the trip will ease me in nicely to solo traveling.

'Sounds like a great idea, Amy. There's so much to see and do, and there are still oportunities to get off the beaten track - yet you are never far away from any place that can potentially be chock-a-block full of backpackers for a company fix should one be needed! Have a great trip.
Regard, Nath

Any news on your next trip yet, travel_tech?

This is a piece I wrote on my travel blog some time ago...maybe a little too flowery for some but I tend to be a bit reflective. Most of this is from de Botton's book anyway.

There is a great book by Alain de Botton called The Art of Travel, (2002)

Friends often ask why I want to travel independently and even alone and when they do, it sets off a flood of thoughts and images.

Being a wanderer, says Alain de Botton, crossing different lands among people who speak languages strange to one’s ear…meditating dreamily to the rhythm of train wheels, allowing the sounds of the world to be one’s mantra, enables one to grow…to transcend one’s known life. The silence of being alone (much like being on retreat in a monastery) without the ease of familiarity allows one to stand outside oneself… large sublime views and new smells revealing new thoughts and emotions…thrilling or disappointing aspects of oneself…heretofor hidden from one’s awareness.

If we find poetry in tattered old men weaving home on bicycles, a grateful charm in smiling young country girls… and a shared intimacy in the look of recognition in the eyes of kindred travelers we have found “an alternative to the ease, habits and confinement of the ordinary rooted world.”

introspective reflections revealed by large sublime views and new places may reveal thrilling or disappointing aspects of ourselves heretofore hidden from our awareness. Another travel writer says “it is not necessarily [only] at home that we encounter our true selves. “The furniture insists that we cannot change because it does not; the domestic setting keeps us tethered to the person we [think] we are in ordinary life…who may not be who we essentially are,” says the author.

Traveling companions can keep us tethered to our predefined idea of ourselves. They may expect certain reactions from us that obligates us…underneath our awareness…forces us to accommodate in a way that feels unnatural. Or in our companion’s desire to have their own experiences, they may not have the patience to reciprocate and share. In traveling alone we are free to connect with what and whom comes our way, as a friend puts it…”chasing a new flicker in the water or diving under it just for the pleasure, not knowing why, but just responding” to the spirit that moves…like the koi in the pond at home.

And if it is true that love is the pursuit in another of qualities we lack in ourselves, then in one’s attraction to people from another country, one’s underlying desire may be to acquire values missing from our own culture or in our own personalities. What we find exotic abroad may be what we hunger for in vain at home.

I do get lonely travelling alone, but it is so wonderful to have the freedom. I've travelled with others and it seems like every little decision becomes a debate. Where to eat, when to eat, where to go, which bus to catch, which hotel to stay at....the list is endless. These things are very easy when you are alone, if you are with a partner then it's a little harder, depending on the kind of person you are travelling with. Travelling in a group is a hassle. Every little thing takes forever to decide, such as which bus to catch....if I were alone it would be a fairly quick decision...but not so with a group!

If I had a significant other to travel with, I'd take that person.Theres no better way to discover each others faults and qualities than in travelling.


It can also be a relationship ruiner, but no less so than leaving them behind for a one year trip.

I get lonely, yes. But I'm a selfish old coot, and I have certain needs.One of them is NOT to always be consulting others about where to go, when to go, and how to go.

It is more expensive, both to eat and to sleep.

It can be a royal pain when one wants to take a momentary dip in the ocean, or wants to leave ones heavy pack down and check out something.

Luckily, I'm not a lover of beach worship.

I like making friends as a independent traveller.

One thing I HAVE learned is because one needs be ones constant companion with ones backpack,its better to carry the smallest possible amount. Now I have well too much, but then, I fully intend on going home VERY soon, and had packed for a year in an apartment in Spain.

Next time,I promise, I'll take my 40 liter pack and only two changes of clothes.!!!!!!!

This thread was very helpful to me as I plan to travel solo for a long time 2 years-5years.

Loneliness is a factor granted but I am happy with my own company more often than not cuz I am the sort of person who gets iffy when I have o consult, check, confirm and reconfirm with others when we decide to do something. Especially annoying when I am the minority for a decision (as in the only person saying 'no' when everyone else is 'yes!').

I have always been happier deciding my own schedule and pace (VERY Slllllooooooowwww~). Not to mention, it is a pain to budget with other people when definition of 'budget' is different. To me, something cheap is too expensive to another person or vice versa.

Thus, my decision to RTW long term solo. I am looking forward to the experience The only thing is I plan to scuba dive and whatnot abit on the way so baggage will be an issue but *shrugs* I will work it out.

As for harassment issue as a young woman solo traveling I don't know what it will be like for me as I am asian, not Caucasian. No doubt I will have a different perspective in different parts of the world.

Would love to talk travel with other Asian women RTW... Let me know if you know any plz!

This is a great thread. Reading it has brought many ideas to me. I would say I am very happy I was not traveling solo on my backpacking trip through Europe. Like many people here I am very happy being by myself but I also tend to be a person that lacks the drive to make the most of my time. It was nice to travel with someone who helped me get my butt out of bed at a decent hour every day. Had they not been there I probably would have answered the question "What did you do while you were in Europe" with an honest "nothing". However things have changed since returning home from the trip and I now have a little more passion about doing things. That said I have seriously been thinking of solo traveling. I have decided that perhaps doing my first long term solo trip in my own country (the US) might be the right thing to ease myself into it. I would have the comforts of "normalcy" while still experiencing my travel independence and time away from the cubicle grind of everyday corporate america. Of course the biggest draw is I own my vehicle and it would be much easier to travel this way and I have the option of extending my trip to include Canada and Mexico without too much difficulty.

Now I am off to do some research because now I am really excited about making a new plan. That is why I love reading these threads. It takes me to my planning heaven and renews my sense of self.

I like your point on budget clashes, shazie - its so true, not everyone feels like splurging at the same time (i guess we all have to have a treat every now and then) and if it doesnt coincide with your travel buddy's way of thinking (and vice versa) then it could feel a little awkward if you still want to go ahead with the posh room or the big, slap up meal. at least the room would be half the normal cost though! lol

while i have not had the opportunity to travel extensively solo. I have done several months at a time and I have to say that I fully agree about budget clashes which inevitably lead to awkward moments. I have seen it happen a lot...I think that the biggest issue is when travelers who have met up and have gone on the road together want to do different things in terms of places to go. At this point each has to make a crucial decision on their travel plans. Yes most times you will have a 6 months to a year and will be traveling slow and might have the ability to incorporate a side trip in but thats not always the case.

I think I would caution anyone to make long term plans with a traveler you meet up with. you never know what will happen and you certaintly dont want to be changing flights and whatnot weeks in advance with someone you have just met up with. money could run out, things come up and you leave yourself high and dry.

If a costly meal is the issue, I go to McDonalds, you can go eat at the posh restaurant.

some random thoughts