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Have you learned any tricks to making life's decissions a little easier on you? Let hear about it!

Who has noticed they have a fear of making decissions?

Who here hates to make misteaks enough, that they put off making decissions just to avoid the possibility of making a wrong one?

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Have you learned any tricks to making life's decissions a little easier on you? Let hear about it!

"Begin with the end in mind."
I've been struggling on the decision to hit the road.
The comfort, the paychecks, the health coverage...all are strong ropes holding me down and telling me not to go.
But then I picture myself on my deathbed looking back over my life.
"Will I regret this decision on my deathbed?" I ask myself now.
The answer is clear if I use this forward thinking prespective.
I also feel that once one becomes at peace with their own death, one can truely start to live and make these hard decisions.
"Death be not proud" as John Donne wrote.

Also, just talking with others one have chosen the road less traveled is of great comfort.
Enter BnA...

glad you are asking questions of us again oldhippy.

Here are some recent things I have learned / come to believe.

- Fear and hope are the same thing.

- Fear and hope arise from self-deception.

- Increased lying to ourselves (Self-deception) means increased lying to others and vice versa.

- Clinical studies of depressed people show they are more honest with themselves and others. When the depression disappears, these same people start lying to themselves again and others.

- So the question is -- how to achieve a state of self honesty without being depressed...

oh...

If you prick your skin with a pin - your brain doesn't register the pain for 0.5 seconds. Meditate on what that means.

Perhaps a hint is in the transformative experience you just went through with your near death....

My, circus, you are quite indirect. Did you really even answer the question??

I don't know if I really have a snazzy 'trick' to making life decisions easier; all I can say is that until recently, I was horribly hard on myself for making poor decisions, or was hard on myself for certain 'mistakes' I made in the past. However, just a little shift in thinking is needed...going back in time, at the time I made those decisions, I didn't know better, or didn't know myself well enough - so at the time, they weren't mistakes. It's just that I've changed over time, or have learned lessons. Actually, both. And, oddly enough, it's a little circle - and taking all of this into account, I no longer consider them mistakes anymore. At least in a negative way; more of an acceptance, I guess. ;-) So, just that recognition, eases my fear of making bad decisions -- you can only decide things based on what you know at the time you make the decision -- we'll never be all-knowing, we'll never be able to predict all of the subtle outcomes of each decision that we make. That removes much of the fear for me.

Also, just a recognition that it's *ok* to change my mind in the future -- a decision doesn't have to be final (ok, with certain vows/etc I'd like them to be final, but otherwise...). I have felt much lighter lately, just knowing that even if I decide to go down one path today, it doesn't have to be my path permanently. If I learn new things along the way, I might head off the path and try a new one, or modify the path. Stuff like that. :-)

I'm also a big fan of following your intuition - if you *know* something is good or right, then it usually is. If you have to think about it a lot, or have a lot of indecision, and can't make up your mind, then it might not be the way to go. I also like what Karatemonkey wrote about it -- just keeping a really long view of what you ultimately want out of life, and what you'll look back at positively. If you think you'll regret not doing something, then you'd better do it. I think there is always an element of risk and fear in major life decisions, but I think there should also be an underlying feeling that you're doing the right thing, or going the right way.

I recently made a huge decision. Life changing, one could say. I took a risk, and while I don't regret my decision, I'm still scared that it hasn't been completly the right one.

It took me 3 years to follow through. Why did it take so long? Because I want to make exactly the right decision. I have seen so many people I love make bad choices and live to regret their decisions. I've lived my life playing it safe. Taking this new step has showed me that risk is not a bad thing, it's a good thing, too.

I'm working on it.

Jet

several questions to ask leading up to decision time:

-what's the worst case outcome? is it worth it?

-will it affect (effect? i could never get that straight) you in 10 years. if not, why make a big deal out of it

-will you be kicking yourself for not doing it down the road?

for me, the "what if you die tomorrow" question isn't really that useful because well, then you'd be dead, too late for regrets. but say a person (God forbid) had a horrific accident tomorrow and they would be put on a ventilator and life support and all that and have to live their life conscious, but in a hospital attached to machines, unable to do those things. yet, you would have the rest of your natural life to contemplate the what ifs and the what might have beens.

Sometimes I have a hard time making decisions, or I stress and worry to no end about possible short and long term consequences and then just decide based on something relatively unimportant.

Like "If I take this apartment and it's awful/too expensive/too far from work and I have to leave later (because my boyfriend changes his mind about coming here/I lose my job/etc), I may have to just leave it and break the lease and this will give me bad credit and it will later be harder to find a place to live/get a loan/etc." Clearly, this seems like too much worry, but on the other hand, if you really want to consider the long term possible consequences, these could happen.

One useful piece of advice I have just started trying to keep in mind is something along the lines of "It could go either way, but whatever happens I will deal with it." I guess this is most useful for people who have trouble making decisions...

So here I am, writing from gracias honduras, and rather than perhaps writing my family, or sending a mass email to catch others up on my life I Am responding.

Occasional i used to wonder about the descisions i was making, or rather when faced with a fork in the road would ponder as to which fork would bring me the most beneficial decision. after a while i started learning the right fork in the road was to go with what felt right and not think into it..... or perhaps to go with the flow, whatever came into my mind first, or whatever option left a great impact. rather than procrastinating or possible pondering as to what would reap a great reward I now find I would rather live in the moment, when faced with really awesome coincedences (such as a moment ago when friends from the same program happened to walk in to this cafe) and trust in self... trust in self...

the ponderer-reflector ' or

Usually major decisions are not to tough for me. The ones that get me are the "what should I have for dinner" sorts of things.

I recently talked to a friend about this and we decided a good way to look at it was that no decision you make is either 'right' or 'wrong' it is merely your decision. It is the path you chose. You cannot predict without a doubt that your decision would have been better or worse than the other possibilities. If it is obvious as you were making the choice that it was the right/wrong one then at least you didn't have a hard time making it.
Look at your options and inform yourself as best you can, then go with your gut.

I know many people who have a REALLY hard time making big decisions. I try not to get frustrated when I see them wasting time and energy getting caught up in yes or no when they could be enjoying the outcome already. I also had a friend of mine shocked when I made a very quick decision on a pretty serious matter. "What if it doesn't work out?" she said with her mouth hanging open. Then I'll have another decision to make and therefore another chance. Very few of our decisions will lead to life or death consequences, so relax. Theres always tomorrow.

As a Libra, it's especially difficult for me to make decisions because I'm able to see both sides of everything! However, as a manager for my job, I'm required to make decisions all day long. The best way to make a decision to to think into the future: is this my best option? Have I ruled out every possible option? Will this make me (or whomever else the decision affects) happy? Sometimes it's easier for me to make a decision when I bounce the situation/scenario off someone with more experience. Other times you just have to go with your gut, cross your fingers & hope for the best. The last resort for personal decisions is: if I don't make this decision, will I live to regret it? No regrets, that's the way to live.

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Flicka said: As a Libra, it's especially difficult for me to make decisions because I'm able to see both sides of everything!

Well, I'm a Capricorn, which means I'm kind of a chiken shit when it comes to anything new, so I won't make any decisions until the outcome becomes rock solid. But I never rush my decisions. I always wait until everything becomes clear and the decision comes naturally.

Nic

Ooh, I just thought of another piece of advice that I use myself...post on bna when you have a decision to make and get lots of ideas!

Hi all

I think most people are far too hard on themselves when it comes to making the right decision.

One of the problems with Western society is our freedom of choice, because we are free to choose from such a be-wieldering array of options people fret unnecessarily over taking the wrong choice. Why worry? There are no right or wrong decisions, only decisions!

Seriously though, as long as you have a roof over your head and you know where your next meal is coming from isn't everything else just a bonus? Just count yourself lucky that's all you have to worry about!

All the best
Smuggs

I can usually see many sides to the same question. Which can be useful--except when it comes to making a FINAL decision.

What I do now, most often, is look at a question from all sides--until I'm totally confused--then I give up and follow my intuition.

Heh..I'm actually like that sometimes myself soultime.I think through things so much that I totally confuse the situation then I just pick and choose based on intuition.Seems to work most of the time

Luckily, I use as a guage , in my decisions, some of the alegory & teachings from my fellowship in Freemasonry.

I certainly used to be if not scared then certainly hesitant about making certain decisions. I am however much better at it now.

What works best for me is to not dwell to much on the situation either before ot after making the descision.

Sound judgement is certainly important but I find that however much thinking I do beforehand i can obviuosly never no for certain the outcome.

I find it helps to just use my intuition and then not dwell on the situatuin to much if the outcome isnt particuarly favourable.

A certain amount of belief in determinism and fate helps aswell. That no matter what happens there was no possibility of anything else occurring

me!!!! ME!!!!!!!!!!!

I was really awful at making decisions--calling my mom in a store, "I found this purse for $40 that is Kenneth Cole and jsut waht I want but $40--should I get it?" and to my boyfriend, "Does this look good? Or should I wear this?"

Traveling alone was the best thing for me. I am MUCH better at making decisions, and though it still is quite hard, being alone forced me quickly to figure out which was the best way to go.

I know i certainly do! For decisions that wont impact me extensively either way, ive been known to flip a coin, or anything around that will land on one side or the other, haha.

Decisions and me are such a struggle that I feel best when I don't have any decisions to make at all. I have tricks yes: forbidding myself certain options and have others following that rule. That way I am focussed on the path I want to wander, without having to constantly over-analyse.

I should mention though: I have AS and anxiety disorders. Overanalysing is a compulsive thing for me, it's a neurose. My mind never gives me any rest and constantly makes me think about things over and over again. I call it 'voices in my head' as a metaphor for thoughts you don't want and that you consider as exhausting and unpretty, but that you can't stop from coming. It's quite common for people with my disorder, and after a while you need to establish yourself some tricks and rituals to control it, otherwise you end up mentally exhausted.