BootsnAll Travel Community

Thank ya Captain!

I know, it's kinda funny huh? We are told that being a parent is the most important job we will ever have, but no one has the consideration to teach us how to do it. You have someone's life in your hands! That's not the time to take educated guesses.

And I've been there. I was my mums first, and I was the guinea pig for the other children

I guess I just see parenthood as a very serious issue. It's sad, you get these people you do try to help, and what do they say? "Don't tell me how to raise my kids!" Then they take the kids home, light up a joint, and half ass look for a job in the paper while watching TV for the next 6 hours.

Can ya tell this strikes a nerve :P

Too bad we can't make people get licensed to have kids. Prove that you have half a brain and the finacial resources to raise the child. I would say that's extreme, but it just makes me sad to see what some kids put up with.

Ok, I will try not to derail anymore!

I hear you, loud and clear. I find it disturbing as well. I can watch countless movies with blood and guts, death and violence and not be affected but I can't handle parents being a bad example to their children - it breaks my heart.

They have recently screened a tv show here in the UK about kids with behaviour problems. The amount of foul language and disfunctional behaviour the parents showed towards their children and to their partner was unbelievable. It was so obivious why these kids have problems....

I second your motion about licences, its not extreme. We have to get a licence to drive a car. Is that the message that society is portraying that cars are more valuable that children? Or that a driving is car is more of a skill than raising a child? Mmmmm.

I'm just picturing what happens if someone fails....(my sick sense of humour is coming through) to the chopping board, miladdo ....

Ok, my turn. I admit, that I was one of the first to jump in here and read the first post, but then think "ah, I'm past that" and moved on, but then one of you mentioned the string in another and I thought I'd come take a peek again.

It is a fascinating phenomena, the 1/4 life crisis, and one I'd love to gather info. for into a book someday...

I can't remember where I first heard the term, but it was from an elder of some sort, mentioned as an earlier occurring parallel to the traditional mid-life crisis. NOt so much a crisis of course, but an "awakening." A kind of internal wake-up call. It's been fascinating, especially in travelling around, to hear others refer to it. I was given a long advisory lecture about it by a tattoo artist in Queenstown, NZ, while he was waiting for my nerves to calm after getting my first ear piercing.

Mine has been more of a lengthy phase, beginning when I was 25. It was then specifically because that's when I got divorced. You've heard the story before: married young (19 for crying out loud!) to someone I was "in love" with but had no real compatibility with, not the kind that matters as I know now. Long story short: growing into the woman I was to become, I realized my direction wasn't right, my partner was in no way supportive, respectful, motivating, evolving, etc. as I needed and wanted, and I wasn't even who I wanted to be, let alone the best parts of who I was! I put my foot down, got the courage to change things for myself, and the rest has been history.

I think it is just what you, OldHippy, mentioned in an earlier post: tending to follow along with what society and everyone you know feeds you growing up: make the most money, get the most education, the highest degrees, the highest rung on the ladder, securely married, two kids by the time you're 30, bla bla bla. There's this transition period where you become independent enough or free-thinking enough to question what's fed to you and begin to develop your own perspective and even ask yourself what you want.

You either have to sincerely question everything, even your own methods, priorities, or sense of right and wrong, or you fall back into it all again. That awakening comes when you open your eyes enough to see what's really going on, to see how you're really feeling....the cutting of the umbilical cord you have with society. And some people don't do that until they do reach 40-ish, maybe because some big life change steps in there, like kids leaving home, parents dying, something to set their mind into a different way of thinking for just long enough.

Some of us stumble along longer than others, like me shutting myself off from the growth path I was on by marrying early. I've had a lot of catching up to do, and that's what the last 5 years have been. I'd say the "big push" is over, that big window of awakening has been entered, but I can't say the whole period is over because my eyes are still open. I look at everything in life differently, I walk through each day differently, I choose friends differently, I use my time differently....all in an effort to take all the meaning and enjoyment I can from each moment and ensure everything actually points toward my own purpose, personal happiness, and the highest point of self development I can possibly reach.......rather than risking regression in any way.

I'm living proof of anyone's theory that you can actively change your path, what good comes your way, the amount of positivity in your life. It's all personal choice.

And all of us are lucky these questions came into our head long before we did reach any additional milestone or checkpoint where we could easily still be just floating along.

Hey Justine,

I have had a brief glance over your website and it rocks....

It sounds like you've got it together and doing everything you want. Hopefully without sounding mushy, you are an inspiration to us all.

In a true howdy captain style, Salute,

Kudos to you!!

I started having a quarter-life crisis last Nov. I'm 25, have an MFA in Writing (the height of my academic career) and am now working in a corporate library and slogging my way through my masters in library science. I remember the days of clubbing, look at the old clothes in the drawer with their faded sequins and think of how different it was THEN, how i had all of the hope in the world, all the promise, because I wasn't there yet. And then I started freaking out. My boyfriend moved several states away for a job. Even my cat seemed disinterested. I wasn't writing, I had just finished a marathon and was now injured. I was in this weird state of I don't know. Oh yeah and Dubya had just be elected (WTF?). So I was in a total depression.
What is the purpose? What happens when you die? Why am I hear? Will I ever be satisfied?
I was really freaking out hardcore and decided to travel. That curbed my crisis b/c now I know I have that to look forward to. When I come back from my trip, I have some resolutions to keep (just to keep writing, practice yoga, keep doing things that are good for me). Hopefully this will be avoided till I start going through menopause and looking at red convertibles.

Mr. Chris D, I'll vouch for the book too...for me, it wasn't so much the career stuff, although that was helpful of course, but rather it was the exercises on what you find meaningful, what's most important to you, what your values are, likes/dislikes when it comes to your life, (particularly in jobs), and goals.

When you factor in passions, likes/dislikes, meaning, and values, you can sure whittle away 90+% of the jobs out there!! It may be true that several times during our life we will redirect our energies and head on a slightly new path, but I also think if we really keep the values/priorities with us all of the time, and keep checking in on our life, any step we take is a step in the right direction...we're ultimately moving in a positive direction, even though 5 yrs down the road we might decide the specific job we picked isn't quite right. I think if we really stay focused and in tune to our needs/desires, life is about finetuning things. So job 1 might be 90% good, job 2 92%, etc.

Lynn

[QUOTE]Originally posted by kyretech:
For those of us who struggled to find work out of college, do you think the system failed you? Sociologists, and economists I guess, here in the US suggest that this QL generation will be the first in about a century or more not expected to become more successful (financially and materially of course) than their parents.

kind of a harsh blanket statement. Besides, the same thing was said about 15 some odd years ago about gen x.

but I think maybe, something I read about consciousness raising, it's beneficial to look at your personal experiences in terms of a larger picture. We're natural animals and it goes against nature and all fundamental laws to stand still and not grow. No one, no matter how much they love their job, can be expected to work the same place for 20 or 30 years. But people do it because they really don't have a choice; it's not because they don't want more out of life. At my sister's school, everyone is under constant, unrelenting pressure to get into an ivy league school and everyone is rich....Myself, no matter what job I have, it'll never be my only job. THat's true for many people I know. Maybe there should be a change in the work force. I know I can't stand to live without change. I am assuming most people if not all are like me.

yay for the quarter life crisis club! we should make t-shirts. for those who've posted their stories in retrospect, congratulations on a successful prelude to the mid life crisis. and to those (like myself) in the throws of qlc agony... well shit happens i guess.

it's clear to me that the theme here is "what the hell am i gonna do with my life?" personally i find myself asking who am i right now, and who do i want to be? i don't think that the qlc is necessarily a bad thing, though it undoubtedly sucks. it shows that you critically examine yourself. those who don't do this i think are cheating themselves out of the most important gift life has to offer: the opportunity to become a better person!

my story is similar to previous ones here, so i won't give the play by play. what i will share is that from a very young age i've had this strange little sense of purpose telling me that i have some important work to do in this world. ironically, i have no idea what that work is! it's not a desire or a hope, but rather a KNOWING that i'll do something big someday. it always comes off as arrogance when i try to explain it... does anyone have, or at least understand, this deep down intuition?

(side note) i've finally learned what real, selfless love is all about. but as soon as it appears before my eyes she pulls it back, due in part to my decision to travel. the love's still there, just on hold until we both do whatever it is we need to do and "find ourselves". isn't finding yourself a lifelong endeavor??? isn't that kind of love too precious to put off until another day???

anyway, so no sooner than i turn 25 do i start to freak out about this unknown mission of mine. i continue to scour both my inside and outside world to find some clue leading me to the reason i'm here. meanwhile, i'm terrified that i'll take a wrong turn and the opportunity will pass me by. or maybe (as i've heard happens) i'll lose focus and passion and idealism as i get older. and all the while every moment seems diminished by my angst and uncertainty...

ahhhhh... venting does help! many thanks to you, oldhippy, for all the time and effort you've put into helping others on their path up the mountain. as a parting question: does anyone have a method of coping with the dreaded quarter life crisis? i know the only real solution is to put one foot in front of the other, but if anyone has some wisdom on this it would be very cool to share it with the club.

What age would a quarter life crisis occur. I'm assuming about 20ish.

RE: Todd's question...How to cope while you are in the pitts of it?

Taking Action is the best cure for what ails you!

Taking some kind of concentraited effort to dig yourself out is the key to your query.

If your only action is simply to wallow in your pain/agony...then you have only yourself to thank for your condition...but if you actually start taking even small steps at first, to "figuring out the riddle"...then that very thought is now turned into an "active concerted search"...and that my friend puts you into positive territory...because you are now actively moving in a new direction...and away from your despair!

So to sum this up...make a hard commitment to yourself, such as:

"My goal right now, is to figure out, what my life is all about.
I may not know now, or even how...but the one thing I do know...I'll do what ever it takes, to get there somehow!"

Now you must actually take active committed steps...such as:

Just 1 example: Start by taking the personal invetory found in an adjacent post for seekers.

Iis based on: You are actually your very best friend, that you'll never leave or lose...and arn't best friends the best person to turn to...when you need a little help...to figure it all out?

James, my quarter life crisis started around 24. Seems that for a lot of people I've met, it's in the mid 20's.

well mine started when i was 28 onwards... close to my big 30...does that qualify.

I think my QLC started when I was about 17; started thinking about who I was and the purpose of existence. I was severely depressed, stopped going to school and dissociated from my friends. I spent a lot of time in rush-hour traffic, feeling a sort of common purpose with the commuters, only I would turn around and go home when the traffic died down. It was a comforting routine for me in that time.

I barely graduated from high school (the principle let me pass even though I was a couple of credits short) and I really did not want to go to uni. For the next 3 years or so I bounced around, living in a couple different states, going to community college and working.

At the end of this period I had done a lot of personal balancing and growth work and had rebounded from the depression. I decided I wanted to pursue my love: music. I enrolled in a Music Technology program, but by the end of the 1st year, started to wonder if producing and engineering music would be a selfish use of my time.

Feeling somewhat aimless, I chose to take some time off to travel. I spent 9.5 months abroad in Europe and for the first time felt like I was actually living life. I had amazing and horrible experiences, but all were completely worth it. I felt I had really metamorphosed. I knew it was important for me just to live and experience as many different places and friendships as I can before I am given back to the Earth.

Returning to the US was a bit of a shock to me, but it hasn't sent me back into depression, even living in Florida. I know what I want to do with my time: travel, learn languages and play music. I still don't know, career-wise, what I am going to do with my life, but for some reason I'm not anxious or stressed about it right now. I guess it took time abroad for me to work through my QLC.

To indulge my father I'm finally working to finish my Associate's Degree (it has only taken me 5 years!). When I am done, I am off to travel again and it seems these next few months can't pass quickly enough! In the meantime I am trying to pay off some of the debt I accumulated on my travels and have learned not to take so many credit cards next time.

thanks for the wisdom, oldhippy. in reference to the questions on the other post, i've been asking myself for quite some time. but it might be a good idea to put it down on paper. and i've also been doing a fair amount of wallowing... i'm aware of it and know that's the key. now i just have to change it. i'll keep you informed on my progress with the questions.

-todd

I don't know if I've had the QLC or not - I'm only 21. I am indecisive, however, and have no idea what I'm doing.

Maybe I'm in my QLC right now - I've changed my major from International Business to Accounting. I've also started seriously researching and talking to recruiters in the Big 4 firms, and I even have a first choice firm picked out.

I've cancelled plans to take time off after university and go frig around. Maybe I never had a QLC. Maybe it's realism? Maybe it's a need to go out and start acquiring posessions? I'm scared of committment, but having a space to call my own for a while sounds more and more appealing to me. I want stability. I want to be that businesswoman in heels with an expensive leather briefcase and a tailored suit. I want the respect and recognition those two little letters, "CA" behind my name will bring me.

I bought a set of carvings for my parents from Korea for their house (my father is a woodcarver as many of you know). After thinking about it, I bought myself a similar set for my future apartment/condo/flat/house/whatever.

I'm starting to think of things in terms of one or two week vacations. Like, "I think two weeks will be enough time to see what I want in Japan."

I don't know what's going on in my head, or what has been going on in my head. Maybe, because I've always been so ambitious, the idea of taking time off is too much for me. It's something I can't do. Something that, as the idea of freedom approaches, I need to fight.

I've been a BnA members since 2001. I'd be reading the community since well before that, and if you go back and research my posts you will see an interesting evolution of thinking.

Maybe I'm just scared of never realizing my dreams, because they are so out there. Working on an expedition ship for an Antarctic season. Taking the Trans-Siberian. Am I failing myself by entering the corporate world?

How do I know if I'm failing myself?

Hi Meagicano,

I'm only recently new to BNA so I don't really know your history but I can understand where your coming from.

You alone can only answer whether you are failing yourself but what I have done in the past is imagine myself an old lady sitting in my rocking chair looking back over my life.

I know I only have this one life to live. I ask myself what I will satisfied with? What is important to me?

I think alot about these questions and the answer becomes clearer.

I hope this helps.

Hi Meagin,

I'd agree with Howdy on this one. You must decide what is most important to you. If you want to be wearing the heels, taking the two week vacation, and make heaps of money, do it! Don't let anyone influence you otherwise. You know what's right for you, no one else does.

On the other hand, I would definitely say look at things from a long term perspective. What do you think will bring you the most joy in life in the long term? Who do you want to be as a person? Do you want to be remembered for anything, and if so, what?

And don't settle for anything less that what you want.

To summarize, nothing is wrong with wanting the coporate wourld and short vacations. Nothing is wrong with working as little as possible and travelling either. And think long term.

The end

Chris, you seem to think my same thoughts every time you post.

Great minds think alike! So maybe I was meant to be a smart and sassy hottie after all

PS-Know any groupies?

I'm telling you, it's those soul searching books, they did it to me!

quote:

Originally posted by Mr. Chris D:
To summarize, nothing is wrong with wanting the coporate wourld and short vacations. Nothing is wrong with working as little as possible and travelling either. And think long term.

yeah nothing is wrong with it..I have been a part of and parcel of it for years now. Given that you are young you have to see this part of life and then dec