BootsnAll Travel Community

I've been reading this thread off and on now for three days, and decided what the hell. I'll give it a go.

My quarter life crisis started exactly on Oct. 31 2002, I was 25 years old, and in love with the girl of my dreams. I had picked Halloween as the day I would confront her and ask if she would like to make our relationship official and more permanant.

Before it had been a dance with me, dinner and a movie and friendly love making thing, and well it just took me awhile to realize I was in love. Well finally I got the urge to tell her "I'm in love with you. Do you wanna carry this thing we have going any further?"

Her response was ":Trav I'm 10 weeks pregnaunt and engaged to the father he asked me to marry him this morning."

A hammer hit me right in the face, it was two months of anguish and hell after that. Till New years, I really thought I was finally getting her out of my system, but I went to a New Years party and she happened to be there with her new fiance!

They sat in a corner making out. I sat in another corner drinking vodka straight from the bottle my ball cap pulled down low over my eyes, and tears running down my face.

My friends tried to stop me from driving home that night, heck I even punched one of them in the chest, but I managed to get in my car and drive off just after midnight.

I remember going down the road and watching the spedometer hit fifty and pressing the pedal even further, 65, 70, 75, miles an hour!

I didn't care I even started thinking about the perfect large oak tree to crash into. Was almost there too, thats when I slammend on the brakes. Luckily I didn't skid or flip on the ice.

I came so close but my nerve gave out. I promised myself right then that next time I wasn't going to loose my nerve.

That week of working in a cube was the longest of my life. Friday finally came, and at lunch break I realized I forgot my book at home so I bought a USA today newspaper, and what should be in it but a review of Vagabonding An uncommon guide to the art of long term travel by Rolf Potts.

I was struck by lightning , I went out and bought the book finished reading it in less than a day. It saved my life, I talked to my friends told them what was really going on in my head and my heart. For the depression I got some help, and it worked, why because I have a lighthouse now to guide me, a life to look forward too.

I'm still searching for what it really is I want out of life. But I'm also doing the one thing I KNOW I want and thats to see as much of this wonderful terriable planet as I can before I go. That was and is my quarter life crisis!

I'd like to believe that this Darth character post is real...but as it reads more like a story or a script, I tend to think ol darth has us mixed up with one of his fantasy chat groups.

You are welcome here if you ever decide you want to get real...and stop hiding from behind your mask.

Wow a little harsh don't you think I try to explain where I'm coming from and what was a life changing event for me and a blessed wake up call and I'm suddenly fantasy script writing?

Sorry pal but you don't sound like a hippy to me, but I don't like to go into name calling so I'll leave that one there.

As for my screen name, well it is a relatively recent change as once I was thehillbillyhippy (funny don't you think) and will be again, we all need a little change once in awhile.

Well Darth if you are being sincere...what is the story on your tag line?

It doesn't particularly make it look like you stand for something meaningful does it?

If I read you wrong...I personally want to apologize to you. But with your writen desire to want to just hit and run with your post...and your choice of using a masked fantasy persona made me ask..is this guy for real or is this the work of a troll?

You do write an excellent story, I do want to add... But it was almost too good...so if you are being real...then do share the real you with us.

Would you prefer to be taken more seriously in the future?

Check the image you are projecting...[choice of screen name/tag phrase], it is giving off mixed messages...but I'd like to get to know the real you...are you up for it?

What have you been working on lately to continue your personal growth?

Nost people don't take such things as screen names seriously, if you don't believe me just check out these boards. There are some hilarious and some where you just go huh? Because your not in the know, with that particular poster.

As for my "growth" well I've tried to become more open with my feelings, and less scared of rejection. Basically I've learned that if you put something off and put something off because you're afraid you might be rejected, you're still going to be rejected. Though if you wait too long that rejection becomes a sure thing instead of just a possability.

Other than that I try to live my life with no regrets, and the way I want to live it not the way I think someone else wants me too.

well darth, I am happy to say I can actually start seeing that you are very much a sincere person.

How, you may ask?

When you mention investigating vulnerabilities like your feelings and fear of failure...it shows me there is a lot of maturity to you!

I am impressed and you are to be commended for your honesty!

How did you begin to find out about the importance of getting in touch with your feelings?

Most guys can't even seperate a feeling from a thought...many think it is the same thing!

Just to put the whole issue totally behind us...what does your signature/tag line, [the last line in your posts mean?]

I want to thank Darth "Hillbilly" for sharing and add that his newly edited screen name and signature line do reflect a more insightful, sincere side of his growth...so kudos to you Hillbilly for incorporating change to your expressive mix!

A reminder: This club is open for any others who would like to share/relate their personal experiences...and add, that venting is a good thing...as others herein will attest.

Great postings here. It takes me back . . . well, honestly, a decade ago when my friends and I were all there. The QLC seems to have about a five year period, so everyone from 25 to 30 can join. Yes, it's about confusion, money, direction, and most of all finding your place in the world and finding a comfort in that knowledge.

Some people have referred to some pretty dark moments. It seems worth saying -- hang in there! Time has more magic than you can imagine. Life has more delights than the ones you already know. The life of your mind has yet to bloom and create new and wonderful gardens.

Every morning of 35 is more precious and beautiful than it was at 25. Stay in the game -- surprises ahead. :-)

Interesting Concept

Quarter Life Crisis, perhaps when one realizes that life is not only what has been ingrained since childhood, but rather a search for what drives you forward.

I don't think you have to be in any certain age group, perhaps I will croak at 80 a very happy Man, thus 20 would be my QLC.

When the moment clicks, and you feel there is something more, it is up to you to forget about it or live in something more.

CB HWH

quote:

Originally posted by oldhippy:
A reminder: This club is open for any others who would like to share/relate their personal experiences...and add, that venting is a good thing...as others herein will attest.

You know, I saw this thread and was eager to read others' experiences and share mine since I had a horrific quarter life crisis, but I don't feel like this is actually an open club if we're required to tell our stories in an appropriate way to avoid such judgement. If you want openness you need to be open.

Sorry you feel that way cracker, but there are trolls on message boards and one poster had been called out only due to their use of both a screen name and a derogitory signature line that highly suggested the post was also of such jest, but both those items have since been edited out by the original poster and the issue clarified ...so all you may see now is the remnents without seeing the cause of the question of sincerety.

No judgement was or is intended for honest expression.

Sincerety is all that is asked for here.

quote:

Time has more magic than you can imagine. Life has more delights than the ones you already know. The life of your mind has yet to bloom and create new and wonderful gardens.

Thats an inspiring and beautiful paragraph

After chatting with Marisa the other night in the BnA chat room about our QLC's, I realized that it helps to hear that others are going (or have gone) through the same thing.

My story is a likely one, very similar to the others I've read here. For most of my late adolescent years and into early adulthood I pretty much had everything figured out. I knew exactly where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. Four years of college confirmed that, as I graduated with ease with my computer science degree. During college I worked for a large software company making great part-time money ($15/hr, great for a college kid) and getting amazing contacts in the industry. By the time I walked across the stage in the summer to receive my diploma, I had four or five companies in the area throwing money at me to work for them - I took the highest bidder plain and simple.

Over the couple years that followed I filled in my life according to what I thought was the "normal" way to go. I bought a house in a affluent neighborhood, purchased the expensive european import car, nabbed a girl I loved very much who was also uber-succesful, had her move in with me, bought a dog to finish our family, and cut the grass every weekend with the rest of suburbia. I'm not sure when exactly it struck (I don't have an exact date), in fact I think it was more a slow decline. According to everyone else, I would be crazy to be unhappy about anything (and they told me this repeatedly). Gradually though I was becoming more and more unsatisfied with it all. I detatched myself from the relationship and became very distant at home. Work was still a breeze, but I would literally float through weeks without even being cognizate of what I was working on. I hated the fact that what I was doing was so insignificant (or so I thought) and meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Working with software, I was creating something that didn't really exist in my eyes (or matter).

I think a large part of the problem was that I couldn't believe that "it" was that easy. Life up to that point had a been a series of goals and challenges: graduate high school, go to college, graduate college, get a job, buy a house, etc... and to me there seemed to be nothing left. I understand now how naive I was.

Also during this time, the political climate (Bush) in the US began to change and head in a direction that I didn't understand. I felt like I couldn't relate to a large majority in the country. People didn't seem to care about the things that I thought were fundamental ideals. I didn't understand how everyone could be so apathetic (friends, family, etc) to the world and its problems.

So - after around six months of the "floating" I planned my escape from it all. I started looking into all kinds of random things to do. I checked out buying property somewhere and opening a surf camp, I thought of moving to the mountains for a season, and I called all the relatives overseas I had and introduced myself. I finally settled of traveling. Day and night, both at work and at home, I researched and read about traveling around the world. During this whole time I had been saving, so money wasn't an issue. I confronted my girlfriend with the issue and it of course came as a shock to her. She took it personally and thought that if I wasn't happy now with everything we had, that it had to be because of her. This was a tough time for us both. I wish I would have handled it differently than I did. After a couple weeks - it was literally a blink of an eye - I broke things off with her, she moved out and across the country with a new job, and I put in my two weeks notice. I had a garage sale at my house, sold everything I owned except for some clothes, my bike, a couple surfboards and my books. A friend agreed to watch my dog for me and I found some great people to rent out my home. I bought a plane ticket to Costa Rica and spent the next 6 weeks surfing and decompressing...

So where does that leave me? Well, I'm now four months into my trip and getting ready to head to Africa for a couple months. Though not completely clear of the QLC, I feel like I'm growing immensely on this trip and learning more about myself everyday. I definitely haven't figured it all out yet though. I'm working through a lot of regrets for the way I handled things during the QLC. As far as career goes, I'm still searching for that magic idea/job that fits me perfectly (but beginning to see that I may be looking for the wrong thing). I'm basically just making it up as I go along now.

I have to say it's comforting to see that I'm not the only who hasn't a clue what the answers are. The one thing that I am confident about though, is that not having the answers isn't neccessarily a problem.

...so do I get a t-shirt now?

I think thats worthy of a t-shirt...

T-shirts for all

Doesn't it feel great to get this off of your chest? My friend, an old coworker at my last crappy job, started a yahoo group in town for a QLC club. It has a few followers

Dan, opening a surf shop sounds nice! I've been thinking in my head of opening a climbing/diving/snorkelling shop/hostel in Thailand. But it's just a dream at the moment. I'm happy where I'm at right now (jobwise, lifewise). Maybe in a few years...depends on the boy, too. He's not too enthused about my decisions, travel wise, but has finally opened up (after 4.5 yrs together), so he may be up for it. I can see that his job (integrated circuit designer) is starting to finally get to him a bit...it's the whole corporate situation. Maybe I'll just have to drag him away to an island...for a long time!

I hope I havent made it to my quarter life crisis yet... Wouldnt even make it to 70!

Yall can keep the t-shirts! I dont want one yet!

Well, I think am in the same boat as many of you. I pretty much followed Dan's pattern. His story sounds so familiar.

I was on the road for 6 months...to come to a realization that there is a time for everything..when the time is right things happen.I know that I cannot be a long time traveler..the same questions plauge me on the road.

I grew up a lot on the road and came to the conclusion that for now I need to be in San Francisco..work..try and change my career path so that I can be of "use" to the greater mankind. Sound kooky but we work for 8 hours each day and I want to do something where my hard work really benefits people. A motive other than just making money just for myself.

Also live my dreams of traveling...where else in world can you make enough money to do travel. Sounds selfish but I'm pretty selfish.

The dream is to go back to Goa one day ...have a Bed and Breakfast place and teach Cooking classes...meet travelers from all over the world and just plain try and "be happy".

My crisis is to some extent dormant now...i have formed a plan in my mind..now need to follow one bullet point at a time. One step at a time....

It's somewhat fitting that my first post on this board is on this topic. You have to forgive me; I had most of this post typed out and I accidently pressed a few buttons and it all disappeared. This is take two:

quote:

For those of us who struggled to find work out of college, do you think the system failed you? Sociologists, and economists I guess, here in the US suggest that this QL generation will be the first in about a century or more not expected to become more successful (financially and materially of course) than their parents.

I don't think, personally, that the system failed me. Of course, this is coming from someone who got her BA whose acronym is WAC and even the staff and faculty have a hard time describing what we do...so I just think the system never worked in the first place After reading a few articles on this whole Twixter phenomena (and being one of them myself), I think that though we may not be financially or materially more successful than our parents, we're better off as we strive to be more successful by being content with our lives in general (at least, one can hope).

With that said...introduction.

Just turned 25 just over a month ago. Graduated from UCLA just over two years ago. Got out of college with a degree, a handful of dreams, and a disappointing amount of debt. Six months later, still unemployed, uninsured, deeper in debt with no savings left, I got in a car accident on Christmas Eve. A month later, I landed a job I'm currently not doing and typing this up instead.

Even before I took this job, I knew this place wasn't for me. But when you have desperation riding your back for a while, you go for anything to shake it off. I still would never trade in my experience working here for anything, however, as I'm a firm believer in "Everything happens for a reason," and that working here has taught me a lot about myself and the many personalities of people there are out there (I guess I was getting too comfortable in my PC, idealistic, often pretentious, neo-hippie-like department and thought everyone thinks like we do). I'm also medically insured (unfortunate necessity), I'm no longer in debt, and I currently have a bit of money saved up. It was also with the money I've earned here that I was able to make a short trip to Europe last October completely financed on my own, and though I'm obligated to actually purchase the car I've been driving to call my own + insurance (it's a family thing), I'm sticking to this job I've been SO CLOSE to leaving oh so many times through the end of the summer (wish me luck), from where I'm taking off to volunteer (anyone know of any great places in Germany?) then meet up with some friends with Europe (again). When I come back I'll still have a bit of savings left to keep me afloat, though I'm planning on taking a big paycut to pick up some retail or food service gig just so I can get buy, save some money, but have more time to do what I really want to do.

What is it I want to do? That's still a little foggy.

I'm currently torn whether I should just lay low after my return, get my certification in TEFL or CELTA and just see the rest of this country and the world in the next few years or if I should stay here in LA where I know a lot of things are happening and I can get involved in some great projects/organizations/initiatives that are just getting off the ground and I'd love to get involved with them at this early stage. There's my photography/performance, too. My parents injected the value and importance of travel into my veins, but I can't deny that I love this city and actually becoming involved in something that I truly support and believe in (and would actually put my degree in use, fancy that) is a pretty rare oppurtunity that's hard to pass up...especially if this leads to an actual paying job I can actually live off of...

I'm a Gemini, so I'll always be torn no matter what...

In the meantime, I do know in the next few years I plan to run at least one marathon (possibly next year in NOLA again), do an RTW (already thinking of the best route), live in one place outside of California for more than six weeks, etc. etc.

Found this thread through a link on some other thread.

I think QLC happens right about the end of university years, and the beginning of 'real life'. Up until then, for me at least, life had been string of goals imposed by society - finish high school, finish university. And then, what happens afterwards? none's there to tell you anymore.

So I did the job thing, became a web designer working for a small company. Small companies can be great, but also can be hell - nothing was structured, and for instance there was no set rules for vacation time. We all had to put in 50 hours plus, and in a familial environment of 5-6 coworkers, when I left early I couldn't help but feel like I was somehow deserting the team. So my life was a total bore for about 2 years out of school, peaking at about the time when I broke up with my gf of 3 years. At that time I had nothing that I felt I had accomplished, or proud of.


To make a story short, with only work as my friend, I really started questioning what was life about. I got lucky and found a way to make my skills work for me, and that allowed me to travel and do what I want with my time. I'm still very much in the process of finding out what I want out of life, but the 9 months I've been out on the road have given me a couple of hints. (and well it should, I'm almost 30 ) It will be most interesting when I go back home in a couple weeks to see what/how life has changed back home. Probably not much, I reckon...

I am really going to stick my neck out here and stir a bit. Please don't take any of this personally but also realise that it may be worth thinking about what I say.

I appreciate all the honesty, baring of your souls etc etc but don't you all think you are just a mite self absorbed? Have any of you thought about how fortunate you are? You all have been to college, had the opportunity to make choices in you life, be they good or bad. Do you have any idea how many people there are in the world who do not have that? No choices, no education, and in some cases not even something as simple as food. If I look at the people I work with I cannot help but think that some of you do not know how good you have it.

So many threads on these boards deal with depression, life crises, homesickness, and other negativer aspects of life. How about something a bit more positive?