BootsnAll Travel Community

Hi-- I hope others agree that this topic is right for the "spiritual traveler" board. I certainly do, but then again, everything in life has a sacred/ spiritual implication to me...

As a US citizen, while traveling, especially in my recent travels to Central America, I find myself face-to-face with this part-myth, part-reality that is my home country. Long ago, the United States took on a valence with all the weightiness of life and death. Obviously, people risk death every day trying to get to this country. Obviously, people die every day in places where the state of basic life necessities and military juntas make life "difficult", to say the least.

But is the US the answer? Are US tourists the answer? Is the answer "yes" on a temporary basis? Or is it a deal with the devil, a distraction that makes it even more difficult for poor situations to improve? (I am not inviting a political discussion here, I believe this is a spiritual, individual-level issue at its heart).

I want to say to the children and adults begging me to buy something from them: "I cannot save you. And you don't need me. You are as powerful and capable as I am. You can make your way in this world and be OK".

As long as the world believes that the answers lie in the US, and with US wealth, and that we are the model of success, they will be blind to their own answers, which already exist within themselves, as individuals, as communities, as countries.

On an individual level, as long as a young person growing up <anywhere> believes that they only formula for success is to sweet-talk money out of visiting tourists, that young person will not realize their own unique gift to this world. They won't see the opportunity that only they could make happen, they won't think creatively enough to really participate in their life.

As long as they believe that the only place they can really "live", whatever that means, is the United States, they won't ever live, or they will die trying to get here. What good is that? To me, this attitude is a supreme self-invalidation, and impoverishes anyone who is affected by it.

Do they know that US citizen as individuals are hurting too? Certainly not in some ways, but we are (mostly) overwhelmed with debt and in servitude to our jobs, where we are (mostly) not valued. There is a spiritual impoverishment here, just like anywhere else, perhaps worse. There is very little sense of community, of place, of belonging. Again, I intend this a spiritual topic, not one of "well, we don't die from drinking our water".. Ok? Do you see the distinction I am trying to make?

I guess one could ask, what good is a spiritual perspective when everyone is dying from the drinking water? and that is a valid question. I know how I feel about it, but I am curious about other people's opinions...

It is a funny thing, the expats and long term volunteers and other assorted US folks who I have met in Guatemala... for some of us, the greatest blessing in our lives was the loss of our lucrative job. Others have lived their whole life at the standard of the third world (i.e., no cash, meager access to health care, etc), and wouldn't move to the US for *anything*. I wonder what the local people of those countries think of we who are willing to leave behind "the answer" and join them in their way of life. Do they ever wonder what is up with that? Does it ever give them pause?

And, lastly, does it matter?

Ann-Marie

quote:

I guess one could ask, what good is a spiritual perspective

agreed

we see the world the way we want it, and for most, it is not quite "up to standards." it is very easy to think things are not "perfect" because we see things we want changed, and even on deep levels we FEEL they need to be changed. However, that has no bearing as to what is "perfect."

The world is the way it is, the way it "needs" to be, and people have chosen to live the lives they do.

quote:

"I cannot save you. And you don't need me. You are as powerful and capable as I am. You can make your way in this world and be OK"

Do you think they are not making their way? Do you think they are not ok? If so, why do you think that? you dont even need to reply to those! just think about them a little. Also consider how clearly begging teaches humility, and perhaps those "souls" are there simply to learn that difficult lesson through one of the most effective methods available.

QUOTE:

"Do you think they are not making their way? Do you think they are not ok? If so, why do you think that?"

Well, I can feel that energy coming toward me *from them, about themselves*. I believe you may have misunderstood this part of my posting. What I am saying is that I can feel their belief about themselves, and their own emotional state (desperation, fear) of wanting me to "save" them with my US$ (which are not mine but belong to a bank), and I wish I could tell them that they are OK... as you point out as well. It is the situation involving them, myself, the apparent discrepancies, the truth that we are all in the same boat, that I am processing. I only want to tell them that everything is fine because there exists a part of me that is uncomfortable with THEIR opinion about themselves that they are not fine. As if it is my business..

Well, in fact...

The reason I am uncomfortable is deeply personal and private. I am almost done healing from the situation that has caused me a great deal of pain, and is related to this thing I call the great myth of "America". At one level, all is well, at another level, these lessons we set up *hurt* and it is bizarre to deny that fact. And of course, everything in life comes down to some personal lesson...

Would you be willing to summarize your view of karma? I would be curious to compare it to my own.

Ann-Marie

karma: it simply is what it is.

if i were to put it into words, i would say it has nothing to do with "right" or "wrong" but simply balance. One action puts things in one direction, and they will be pulled back.

I have found that the further i go in the spiritual direction, the more pain i experience (quite "opposite" from the general view of karma). I also experience greater happiness because of this. As i continue along, i find that events i go through are usually not exactly what i "wish" to experience, but it all adds richness to my life. The further i go in one direction, the further i will be pulled the other. deeply spiritual people tend to live quite "difficult" lives. Jesus Christ is a good example of this.

Everything is "ok," though perspectives of that may be different. They are experiencing exactly what they want to, and should be experiencing. The same can be said for everyone.

Hi,

I have to say I found your post rather provocative, I am not sure whether it is intentionally so.

What exactly are you implying? That people living below the World Bank poverty line should stop thinking about wealth and instead try to enrich their spiritual lives? Have you ever truly lived in poverty? Less-than-a-dollar-a-day poverty? have you ever had malnourished children, a leaking roof, no sewage system, and have you ever gone hungry for days on end because you simply didnt have any possibility of getting food from anywhere? Without social security, unemployment benefits, without pension systems and without access to medical care? I think you probably havent, just like I havent. (Just the fact that you have internet access puts you in a group so exclusive it hardly bears thinking about.) But imagine that you are for a second, this poor. How would you feel about the wealthy American tourist who has spent, by your standards, unthinkable amounts of money to fly to your country, who tells you that wealth means nothing, that you are just as powerful as she, that you should - effectively - pull yourself up by the bootstraps, and stop dreaming about living in a wealthy country....?

Second, I think if you go into some depth with the people you are talking about here that their view os the United Staes is not necessarily as rose-tinted as you think. People in central america are very well aware of the direct US support. The US dollar may be powerful, and but fall into the trap of thinking people necessarily have any admiration for the US beyond what they can buy with its dollar!

So no, I really dont see the distinction you are trying to make - sure I understand what you are saying about spiritual impovershment - but isnt that something for the spiritually impoverished to solve for themselves, rather than try to deny access to those who want access, and who see not spiritual impoverishment but a possibility to feed their kids?? I am afraid I think your argument seems a little patronising - why would you think that you know better than other people what they need??

I think your concern - which I am not saying is irrelevant or wrong - would be better placed if you spoke about this to the people you see as being impoverished. It is such a luxury to be able to be concerned about this in the first place!

oos half a sentence dropped out there -

I meant to say that people in central america are very well aware of the US support that has existed for atrocities that have happened all over the region. People are not 'in love with America' - they just want to get out of poverty!

Yes, I clearly provoked you.

Just to clue you in the slightest bit, yes I am in bankruptcy right now, losing my home, have a young daughter I cannot care for and must separate from due to my financial circumstances, and I am preparing to leave this country completely penniless, spend the rest of my life with my closest and best friend in the whole world, a man who was raised in a section of San Salvador (that he won't even take me to visit) during the US sponsored war, and not only do I understand, live, breathe and mathematically calculate poverty (of one sort) every day of my life right now, I am prepared to live in poverty (of another version, if necessary) in central america along with the people of that region for the rest of my life.

I will defend myself no further, and I am well aware that I needn't have said this much to defend myself as my message requires no defense.

quote:

Originally posted by sinahptik:
karma: it simply is what it is.

I enjoy your wording of difficult concepts, thank you. So, ya know what I have to ask next, if you wish to answer...

C'mon, you know what it is...

Where does free will fit in?

I find, in my experience, it is my relationship to free will that causes me the most angst. I can take the hard stuff, bring it on... but WHAT? FREE WILL????

Ann-Marie

Thank you, Ann-Marie, for starting this thread. It has been a very special opportunity for me to reconsider some of my own spritual travels.

"Under the trees, among the rocks, a thatched hut;
verses and sacred commentaries live there together.
I'll burn the books I carry in my bag,
but how can I forget the verses written in my gut?"
-Ikkyu

Please forgive me if at times in my reply to you I sound like I am putting you down. I do not mean to do that. What I hope to do is to encourage you to look inside yourself to find some of those verses that you don't even know are written there. Every once in a while, I am blessed by someone saying something or asking some question that helps me find another of those verses. Knowledge is the first step toward choosing whether I want them to be there.

>>is the U.S. the answer?<<
IMO this question is a wrong question. When someone comes up to you to beg, does she/he ask you if you are an American? Does he/she look to see if you are waving an American flag? All they care about is if you have money. Many of them see just as many Europeans, Australians, etc as Americans.
Perhaps a better question would be :

"Are the rich countries of the world where most people have access to jobs and health care the answer?".

>>THEIR opinion about themselves that they are not fine.<<
How presumpteous of you to believe you understand their opinion of themselves! I'm sorry, but you don't have a clue here. We are taught in the U.S. to believe that begging is beneath any human being and that a person who begs is scum and doesn't value themselves. That may be true in the rich countries(not just the U.S.) of the world. In many others, there aren't jobs available. Any source of income is better than none. Any source is better than watching your brothers and sisters, your children, your parents die of starvation.
How do I have any right to claim I understand these things any better than you do? I have little or no such right. I have never lived in such poverty. All I have are a few experiences:

Getting to know prostitutes in the Phillipines first hand (not well, but as well as possible when you sleep with them). Seeing a young girl with a cross around her neck telling you how many of her family she is able to feed with the money she makes from her job.

Watching people stand in line for hours in the middle of the night (not to be the first one to see the newest hot movie) for the priviledge of getting CLEAN water from a faucet at US military base.

Hearing an old man(in Vietnam) say: "Yes, I know that if I take my canoe up that river, it is a free fire zone and the Americans may kill me. But it is the only way I can get this rice to my family." And then hearing as American helicopter pilots (speaking of spiritual poverty), knowing the old man's boat has been inspected, blow him and his boat out of the water.

Listening to my own mother telling me about growing up in Oklahoma in the thirties where they lived in a tent because they couldn't afford anything else. Going to the homes of family and friends hoping they would be able to share a meal. And being so ashamed of these experiences that it was many, many years before she could even tell me about them.

None of these people believe that they are not fine. They KNOW that their situation is not fine and they will do WHATEVER is necessary to change that situation.

>> as long as the world believes that the answers lie in the US, and with US wealth<<
As a teenager I worked in the fields of California with "green cards" and illegals. Very few of them wanted to come to this country to live permanently. Most people from most countries LOVE their homeland. The US is a place where they can make the money to return to their homeland and not have to live in totally debilitating poverty and threat of physical death and torture (leaving that idiot George W. aside for the moment). Most people want to find some place where they have an opportunity to move beyond poverty. For better or worse, many become addicted to the physical riches available in the US. And, even more so, their children become addicted to them.
Why do they come to the US more than other rich countries? Why is this the country they choose? Could it be because we are more tolerant about allowing them (legally or illegally) to come into our country?

Am I sorry or ashamed that I was born in a country where I have the freedom to escape from such oppressive poverty? NO.

There are beggars who live in spiritual poverty. There are beggars who are saints. There are Americans who live in spiritual poverty. There are Americans who are saints. There are people from every country who live in spiritual poverty. There are people from every country who are saints.

Is it your fault or mine that so many people from every country are so obsessed by physical wealth?

And I express my love for you for caring enough about this to start this thread. Edd

I am not presumptuous, I am psychic (clairvoyant, intuitive, telepathic, etc), so yes, I do know what energies are slamming into me when people come up to me, smash into my aura with a form of violence that most people are not even aware of, and then proceed to dump their life issues into my space and ask me to save them. I worked damn hard to reclaim this talent that we are all born with. It requires a willingness for unflinching honesty with oneself and dealing with the consequences therein to be capable of seeing energy and interpreting it. I am very good at it, and I went through a very rigorous, structured program to become so. I am not ashamed to communicate my method of understanding the world when it is relevant.

You can choose whether or not to believe what I say, because that is all you have to go on. Just as, when you report your experiences and opinions to me, all I have to go on is your word. If that trust breaks down, then there is no further purpose in communicating further. Due to the tone of your paragraph on this topic, my inclination is to not wish to discuss ideas with you further. Why should I give any attention to someone who exercises classic projection coupled with discounting techniques (well known forms of verbal abuse)? QUOTE: "How presumpteous of you to believe you understand <whatever-shrug>! I'm sorry, but you don't have a clue here." That is one of the more mundane ways that nasty energy gets thrown around. <yawn> I grew up with plenty of that and I am pretty much done with it. Not the sort of conversation I usually stick around for more of...

You are right in pointing out that I limited my wording to the US, and I stand corrected. FWIW. I am a US citizen, and my experiences are with latin americans, both in their home countries and illegally and legally living here in the US. So, sure, let's correct that point. I have no problem with that. IMHO it seems like latin americans end up in the US because they can physically get here more easily. I do not know why there have been periods of time in which asians have risked their lives to cross the Pacific to get here, like my friend in college who was from Laos and would probably never hear from nor see his family (alive?dead? who knows?) again.

The rest of your message elaborates on some of the issues related to my basic points-- the seduction of superficial wealth and how that can be so addicting that (anyone, everyone, to one degree or another) loses their truth to it, etc. etc... that is why I intended this a spiritual discussion rather than political. I am interested in internal power and wealth. I am interested in how the dynamic that you elaborate on in the last bit of your message relates to the internal power, freedom and knowledge of ultimate truth that dwells within individuals, communities and collectives such as countries. For example, not to become political here, but what about the spiritual underpinnings of revolutionaries vs. the spiritual underpinnings of reluctant but desperate immigrants, the spiriual underpinnings of the love of corporate brand names, and the complex reality that many individuals hold an amazing cauldron of all of these aspects (plus many more that I don't have time right now to describe here now), at one time?

I am not ashamed of growing up here in the US. It is not my fault that others do not. Just to clarify in case that wasn't clear.

You are welcome.

Ann-Marie (listening to Alanis "I'm a Bitch...")

I think perhaps a responsibility one has when initiating a debate in a discussion forum, is to accept that there are people who may disagreee with oneself.

This is getting ridiculous. Sinahptik and I happen to disagree. Did anyone notice this? Maybe yes, maybe no. It isn't a problem. I have enjoyed the small exchange we have had, and (perhaps because) I happen to not share with his views entirely, I appreciated the brief dialog with him. I love to hear someone else's considered and honestly shared views.

Judging my personal world experiences and views is different from disagreement. Personal experiences and views are inherently unassailable, but this tactic is the standard fare for people wanting to invalidate another for one reason or another. The text of messages composed by yourself and Itchy Soles attacked me personally in a way that is different from debating ideas. Invalidation and attack are different from disagreement. I would prefer to not even respond to items like that (or this last one from you in the same category yet again), but then, communication is completely killed off, and I prefer to not do that, at least for awhile.

I cannot help it. One last try. Here is an example of how someone could DISAGREE with something I wrote in my first message in a legitimate way: "Wow, I have not come to the same conclusion you have about people in latin america. I see them leading difficult lives, yes, but I have noticed a deep commitment to their own culture and country, a commitment to preserving traditions, and a commitment to family. They seem to have very rich spiritual lives that provide a fundamental satisfaction in the midst of what might appear to us to be almost unthinkable conditions. Most of the families I know do not care whether or not anyone is able to immigrate to the US and they are actively working to find permanent sustainable income that is not dependent on foreign visitors. Maybe you are just running into people with a different attitude, but that is a very limited number of people, according to my observation" Man, I cannot tell you how enthusiastic I would be to continue a discussion from that point. I would be HUNGRY for more, and for additional opinion... you get the point, I hope. That would be disagreement with my initial basic characterization of what I have seen myself but would be fair play and would encourage, rather than discourage, a discussion, which is what this board is about, supposedly.

This topic is full of amazing depth and complexity, with or without agreement on so many levels, but if no one is interested in discussing these ideas, that is fine with me.

I structured this topic as I did because it is relevant to my own travel experiences and some of my spiritual experiences, those related directly to this exact topic, the depth of which I have not even begun to share with this group, and don't worry, there is *no chance* I will share anything sacred with this group at all. If people cannot get comfortable with an honest discussion of other cultures from a spiritual perspective, and if people feel like I violated some big rule about that, just say so. Don't attack me personally about things you have no right to judge. My comfort levels about (actual) spiritual *discussion* are very high.

However, my energy is precious to me.

Thus....

I am just saying this here and now that unless I see a post that actually addresses my original points or some related point that is relevant to discussion rather than relevant to *judging me* (whether that relevant post is in agreement or not), and unless there is some opening for discussion available, rather than rehashes of the stuff already said without any contribution to an honest discussion, or nitpicking, I will not respond to any more messages on this thread. This exercise is just simply not worth my time and I don't care how my decisions from here out appear to anyone else; I have given my explanation here ahead of time.

Ann-Marie

I am sorry – but you can’t just dictate HOW people should disagree with you. For the record, my post was seriously meant as a response to you which I thought about and took time over, and it just so happens that I disagree not just with the ideas that you have put forward, but the way you have asked the questions – it’s the fundamentals of the query I can’t come to terms with. And how you pose a question will always define the answers you get.

This is entirely different from saying that your experiences are not valid. Of course they are valid - and interesting. But I wonder whether, if you used a different framework to interpret them, you might come up with different conclusions – possibly. I think it is unfair to categorise this question as a personal attack or as ‘judging you’. I have been nothing but polite – and I think any understanding that I wish to dominate you or invalidate your opinions must be a misunderstanding. Please just read my post and see what you think, and try and forget that you are annoyed with me…..maybe I have something to say?

Now. I think part of my problem is that you see this as a spiritual, and not a political question. I am not saying it cant be both, but I don’t think you can separate out the political, socio-economic element here. Thinking about precisely these things is a luxury one has once one has achieved a reasonable standard of living and a satisfaction that one is safe from physical harm and danger to oneself and one’s closest. So when you say you want to disregard the political aspect for a moment, I think that’s impossible. I think they are intertwined. Many people do choose to live in what could be termed as relative poverty – scaling down - , and no doubt there are many positive and constructive reasons to do so. I have only respect for people who chose to get out of the rat race, live a simpler life, and gain perspective on consumer society and material values. But this is, at least where I come from, very much a phenomenon common among very highly educated people with a potential to earn a lot of money, own many things and keep up with their neighbours in terms of social status. In short, it is something that only gives you insight and spiritual wealth if you have chosen it yourself, - and not something that we can go around advocating in areas of the world where there really is poverty of the most brutal sort. Poverty effectively means a lack of choice. A billionaire can choose to live in the street and eat rubbish, but he is still rich, because he has the choice.

Your personal financial circumstances I can obviously not comment on, but speaking generally (or for myself, say) I would say that having debt and financial difficulties on a more or less constant basis, as I do, does not make me poor. I may lose my job, for instance, but I still have an education, family and friends who can help temporarily, the resources and physical & mental ability to work so that I can find something new. I also come from a place (and granted, I guess the US isnt very generous in this respect….) where I can get unemployment benefit, and I can get free, or almost free, medical care, should I get ill. There are unemployment offices that I can go to for advice, and I can get support from the government to take further education or learn a new skill. Furthermore, I am protected by an extensive legal framework which ensures I am not discriminated against or exploited. All this means that really, I am ludicrously rich compared to most people in the world - regardless of how much money I have. Because I have so many choices.

So my feeling is that people who are truly poor in developing countries may look to you, as an American tourist, for help for their next meal, and they may very well want to move to the US because they have heard exaggerated stories about self-made men and the American Dream – alternatively they may have a very realistic impression of the US and still think it is right for them. I have friends in poor countries in South America who are deeply sceptical of what the USA stands for, and they fear that they will be exposed to racism, that they will have a hard time, and that they will be unhappy. Yet if they want to give their kids a future, some stability and opportunity, they need the cash. So they are trying to go – I don’t know if they will make it. Of course it depends on who you talk to – people are different – but my feeling is that we make a mistake if we believe that people outside of our rich countries have any silly illusions about us.

Maybe this is not the kind of response you were hoping for to your post. It is, however, something that I find interesting and which I think is important. I guess you wont be responding to it, but as long as you stop quoting Alanis Morisette I guess we’re OK 

quote:

Originally posted by amsong:

quote:

Originally posted by sinahptik:
karma: it simply is what it is.

I enjoy your wording of difficult concepts, thank you. So, ya know what I have to ask next, if you wish to answer...

C'mon, you know what it is...

Where does free will fit in?

I find, in my experience, it is my relationship to free will that causes me the most angst. I can take the hard stuff, bring it on... but WHAT? FREE WILL????

Ann-Marie

as its "commonly" understood, i do not believe we have free will. We make our decisions, and experience the consequences, however i believe these things have already happened/are happening/have happened. There is a very good quote about it, however, i do not have to book with me right now! should be able to get it in a day or two though

quote:

Originally posted by Lost76:
And how you pose a question will always define the answers you get.

only if you are relegated to such boundaries.

"what is enlightenment?"
"MU!"

"Poverty effectively means a lack of choice."

I am in a hurry and plan to write more later in the day... but I appreciate the majority of this message. I particularly am drawn to the rich implications of this sentence! I will be mulling it over throughout the day, since freedom is one of my favorite topics! I want to ask you for a spiritual framework of your own to assist me in understanding where you come from. Do you mind telling me your views of karma and free will as large structuring forces of reality (including your opinion that they are a bunch o' crap if that is the case; with someone who doesn't like Alanis Morissette, anything is possible )?

Those are spiritual concepts that to me, seem important to perception of reality. I don't believe there are any right answers to them, every person will carry their own relationship to them, but as concepts, they are helpful contexts to place perspective. Maybe ours are radically different, and that could explain your disagreement with the fundmentals of my query... or not..?

To me, free will is the kicker. I truly believe that we all have it, and we *could/ can claim it completely* (in theory). That gives us a great deal of responsibility (coming from "response able") in the face of ANY circumstance, and also implies infinite choice. Yet, this world is clearly limited. And I acknowledge that. But is any one singular person actually limited? Are they as limited in their choices as an animal in a cage? And if there is any hope for an answer "no" how does one turn the latch and open the door? What resources are needed? Physical? external? internal? religion? etc. For example, there was a guy who gained a tremendous level of peace and spiritual freedom (internally) while being imprisoned in a Nazi death camp. I apologize because I cannot recall his name at all right now, he is fairly well known in the US intellectual world.

This is not to say *which* choice one makes, maybe that is where the political aspect becomes intertwined with the spiritual??? And the cages may look different (again, politics), but the issues of cages and escape are inherent to life on earth, regardless of outer, financial, political, etc. circumstance, (again, my opinion, so I am curious what you think in a more general sense).

Really gotta run.

Ann-Marie

OK, this thing about karma and free will coming up for me twice has helped me focus this a bit better (for myself). I think this is the deeper thing that I am having a problem with and today I have made some degree of peace with it.

I think everyone will agree that humans are not complete automatons. Even sinahaptik states that the way one responds to a question has a measure of free will in it-- there is no need to be limited to any boundaries at all. You are free to answer from your own truth, or any alternative set of rules you choose to follow.

There is a continuum of situations from something as simple as choosing whether to join a conversation, how to word your communication, what type of groceries to buy, where to buy them (or do you grow them yourself) etc. (Forgive me if these are not easy choices, I am trying to come up with examples). Then the continuum gets a bit murkier... what about the choice of career? I don't feel like I had complete freedom in my choice of a career when I was younger, for example. Jobs? Once you go through college, how much freedom is left there? What if going to college is not even a possibility? Insurance plans and payments? Do you choose whether you get a certain illness or not? Do you have a choice in healing? Do you choose when you die? How you die? Etc. The continuum I am trying to describe is one of easier/ lighter = more free situations to heavier/ more difficult = less freedom in situations... as best I can...

I am thinking of this continuum as important, because it distinguishes between situations in which maybe most people would agree there exists free will, and situations in which at least some, maybe a huge majority, of people would argue that free will is irrelevant, (even if a few would grant that it is theoretically possible). We are "only human" after all, and this world is full of pain, obstacles and all manner of challenges. I personally would still hold out that choice is possible but I would easily grant that it is extremely, extremely difficult to manifest real changes in one's life within timeframes that are comfortable when you are the one struggling to get there (to make a change, for example, get indoor plumbing into your home or heal from a debilitating disease). For example, a person may have a relatively simple goal in life and may work for years and years and years to reach that goal, or may die without reaching it. And this could be a goal that isn't as "heavy" as life or death, this could be a person in a wealthy country with a goal of learning a foreign language, or achieving a level of excellence in sports, etc etc. "Pure free will" would say, hey it is yours, just grab it. Realistic experience knows there is more to the story than that alone. What if it is as simple as this: at the end of your life, you look back and realize that your obligation to your job prevented you from learning Japanese and you realize, it actually had been extremely important to you, to learn Japanese for some reason...

So this is where I am right now. The issues that face people in impoverished, politically oppressed nations fall toward the "more difficult" end of the continuum in terms of the weightiness of the "goal" until it is often equivalent to "basic life requirement" let's say, (a place I have come to visit myself, in a way, through a roundabout sort of spiritual path). So although I can see that anyone fundamentally could have anything they desire, I am not giving full consideration to the hurdles that stand in the way.

The hurdles that I am interested in are internal ones, not the price of gasoline, or the distance between rural Guatemala and Los Angeles, nor the latest presidential election. Those are important, but only to the degree we allow them to be. For me, internal reality trumps those things every time. Yet even internal reality has hurdles, and *those* are the ones I have been dismissing and not really thinking about. How to gain control over one's internal environment that holds the key to experience of life... (how to forge a key to the cage). My challenge in this is no less than anyone else on Earth, if spiritual growth is my goal.

I am aware that many will dismiss me as too "idealistic". Yet miracles happen all the time. I don't want to "honor" the limited and false reality that people are complete victims of circumstance and have no hope of overcoming circumstances = external "reality". I just have a very hard time letting go of that belief. And I know that never will, it is part of my own internal truth. I am just seeking balance within myself of these various tensions. Perhaps it could be summ