BootsnAll Travel Community

I sure have learnt one thing, when down with the blues, hit the boards, even if you cant hit the roads.

I am currently really worried about something at work, I was unable to sleep, it is 3.17 in the night, I hit the boards and now I am feeling a wee bit better.

BnA rocks, it is much much more than a travel site.

And oh yes, if down with the blues, dont compare your selves with people who have been with you thru colleage, they may be driven more by cars and flats and not the roads.....

Goodnight now, folks..

Thanx INON for helping giribaba and covering my lazy ass. What's up Rob? Bro, I don't know what commitments you have, but maybee you could go home for a while and try the "normal life" and just see how you feel and what life is telling you. Maybee you'll find out that you need a break from the road, or you might just miss it alot more. Take some time to see if you are treading water or getting anywhere, what matters is being happy and doing what's right for your life. Even if you settle you can still travel and if you travel you can settle any time.

Peace.

Wow. I have totally hit my quarter-life crisis. I have been going to school my whole life (for the most part I enjoy school) and now that i have graduated its like.. umm what now? the work until deal thing just has no appeal, especially when i am not enjoying my work.

i also have an engineering degree (civil), but from my summer jobs in traffic and transportation i know that this is all wrong for me. the 9-5 (or 8-430 in my case) seems all too much like a prison sentence. 30 years to retirement if you're lucky... sounds too much like 30 years in the state pen and then you might get out on parole. and that thought just makes me want to scream. EEEEK!

i want to go do something different, but i cant even figure that out b/c i cant even decide where to go. some days i feel like a huge loser, b/c about the only thing that i know for certain is that i cant stay here much longer without either going completely nuts or becoming completely depressed.

next year i am thinking i will go back to grad school, but even that is a huge problem b/c i dont know what to study. the thought of more engineering just makes me want to bang my head against my desk.

ARGH! thankfully this board is hugely inspirational and is atleast preventing me from becoming certifiable just yet.

-helga

"Live hard, love hard, play hard, fight hard, and die hard."
from Living Life the Viking Way



Get paid to read emails

Let me throw my tuppence (dime / Cent / Escudo / Peseta) into the ring;

Here's my take on the Quarter life crisis.

The culprit, society you live in folks. Im not narrowing it down to "western" society (although this is a factor), but the society in which you exist. The family society, the friendship society, the work society. All of these factors will influence the way you view your life. Even the most headstrong will be swayed by the opinions of others. Even if not outwardly, the seeds get planted and you will dwell on them - good or bad.

Society at large (western) has certain expectations and rules that we are expected to live by so as to function within society. No killing, stealing is bad, respect thy neighbor - hell you could intergrate religion into this too if you want. How to live your life (conform) is one of these expectations. However if there is one thing blatantly apparent is that its just not working any more folks. The expectations placed upon us by society is a concept thats 50 years old. Sure there's people out there that still buy it, but I see a growing number of people that just dont buy the crap. I know I didnt, I never grasped the appeal of uni - I guess you could say I realised I was just too young

We see now that more and more kids are dropping uni, failing at exams, committing suicide or committing shootings. This anarchic nature in my opinion is a dead giveaway of the ideals of the past falling apart in the face of a changing social mood. We see death every day and the pointlessness of life, glorified in the media quite often. I see people loosing the will to give a shit about anyone but themselves and become oppressed by the conformers (still a larger percentage). There is no support any more, and hasnt been for a long time.

Its learn or die. Conform or fail. Work or Starve.

Will it change? Over time. Will we see it? Who knows.

But this is why we find ourselves asking that bloody "am I doing my life right?" question. But noone ever wrote the manual to life. You see people with all the fame and money (supposedly the highest accolade you can get now) and hate it. The question you have to ask yourself I guess is are you old enough to give a shit. We've been forced to sell out our independence and innocence in the face of people who "know better" and these people dont own you.

Take the decision to conform ONLY for your own gain - its a liberating feeling (imho)

All done,

Dan

NB. Feel free to rip the above, I find im continously revising my perspective

Or take the Bill Hicks View

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park and when you choose to go on it you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and around and around and it has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud. And it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, and they say, "Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because... this is just a ride.

It's just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. "

[This message was edited by Dan W on 09 September 2003 at 03:25.]

Good one Dan.

Bear - It really is a weird thing, but I find my most introspective moments when I have a week or so to 'catch up' between bits of work. I'm generally still away from home and alone.

I have made a career that many would love and get to do a heap of cool things. Every day is different and half the time I'm in a different place.

I'm on the road at the mo, working for a couple of days from an office in Bonn, Germany. I suppose that soon I will get a chance to sample the 'settled life' a bit more. I'm back home in Australia early in November and will have about three months to sort things out before most likely returning to Europe for next year.

Maybe it is the cash thing this year? Until recently, it was unlikely that I would break even for the year, so that would mean that I was paying to work and live this life. Maybe that was causing some concern, because it means that I can't do this forever and would have to decide when I was out of cash, returning home to flip burgers or whatever.

Just thoughts at the moment. I don't think that I have a crisis any more. I think that I am more in control of the decisions that I'm making and that really helps...

--
Rob - http://www.robstravels.com

Rob,

I still think that the introspective thoughts are social sluice thats just a part of your personality, hammered in by those around you as I said before. I often felt a level of guilt while I was out and about swanning round seeing amazing sights. I felt guilty because I was doing what I wasnt .... is "allowed" the right word - I dunno - but at times I felt guilt at my freedom. Caused only as I can see by the internal conflict of what I "should" do to what I "want" to do.

Now im back I have to do what im expected to do and I get the feeling you'll feel the same if your planning on returning for a while. On the other hand, my desire to go again has diminished as my brains been poluted again. Now ive had (just to conform for my own benefit) to revise and go back to the institution where they feed you crap - university. Unfortunately, I need the paper to get where I want....

Sometimes the battle with yourself is the hardest to win because the environmental influence just feeds the fire....

Its not giving up - its learning about your role in different societies and their expectations... probably I need a smoke..

Dan

*mm, better"

[This message was edited by Dan W on 10 September 2003 at 02:46.]

Hey Rob! Good to hear things are getting better. A lot of the time when we're not happy with a situation we make it worse on ourselves because we know we can just quit or leave or whatever, but we tell ourselves that's not a option. The truth is it is an option and the consequences are not always as bad as we think, and sometimes knowing we can just leave is all we need. Sometimes though it is necesary to just end the situation.

Dan - I think introspection can be a very important tool. I see what you're saying, but it can be a great thing too! Peace.

Bear,

I guess what I was getting wasnt so much "dont" introspect, but more be aware of the influences that may or may not affect you subconsciously.

I guess another thing is that I lost a great deal of time looking inward and only learnt to understand how easy it is to get lost in the mire of social influence.

Its an important skill, but you just need to know what mental noise to listen too, and which to filter out.

Dan

I hear ya man, that's very true!

Of course, reading the above you could make the comment that im Schizophrenic

Dan

Quarter life crisis? Good on ya for thinking about it now, because if you wait longer the odds are pretty good that you won't have a choice and will be stuck for good. I have given this lecture to so many backpackers that I can say it after several glasses of Jameson's. (In fact, it is usually only after several glasses of Jameson's that I do it)

[rant]

Here is the problem. We look around and see what people are doing with their lives. It has been taught to us since we were children:

Go to school, get job, buy car, get married, buy house, raise kids, look forward to grandchildren, die an ugly death.

Well bugger that!

Look around you when you are traveling. For the most part, you will see a very limited range off ages out along the backpacker trail.

As someone who is roughly double in age (cough-cough) than the rest of you, I see it all the time. Travelers like us, for the most part, are between 18-30 years of age.

So what happened to all my cool friends? The ones that used to travel along the backpacking circuit that the Generation X'ers are now on?

They fucked up.

• They went to school, and now have massive college loans to pay back.
  
  
• They got a job, and now have precious little vacation time (particularly if they are a Yank)
  
  
• They bought a car, one that is cheap enough, but after you factor in the interest, they just paid an ungodly amount for a piece of shit car made mostly of plastic. Because it is new, they are making a bank rich. Because the bank wants to preserve their investment, they are forced to get full coverage insurance which is hundred of dollars a month. For a Kia or a Hyundai. Oh yeah, THAT's a good investment!
  
  
• They got married, and instead of just going to the Justice of the Peace and getting a marriage license, they spent between $5,000 and $10,000 on a one night party. Just pissed the money away! Money that could have been used for the downpayment on a house.
  
  
• They bought a house, which means that now both of them have to work full time and they now spend their time at Home Depot or Lowes (DIY stores) that is, when they are not paying off their furnature that they HAD to buy.
  
  
• Then, someone got pregnant. Oh, they always say that they are waiting, but someone always gets pregnant. It happens. Most pregancies are not planned. Besides, something seems to happen to women when they get to age 35.
  
  
• Then they raise kids. Kids who cost a lot and have their own needs and wants, so 2000 baht dorms on Khao San Road become a distant memory.
  
  
• The kids grow up, and with any luck they move out at age 23 or so. Now they have a big house that they don't need anymore.
  

Then you get to go backpacking again. Oh yeah, like that's gonna happen. Sure, I meet people my own age along the backpacker trail, but we are few and far between. Believe me. Something happens to people. I wish it were not so.

How do avoid this?

• I rent my place.
  
• I pay cash for most things. Fuck Visa cards!
  
• My cars are old and long paid for. I work on them myself.
  
• I don't have, want or can produce kids, and
• I date women who don't want any "loin fruit" either!
  
• I still party with the best of them (and can drink/smoke/snort more than any of you can ever hope to (amateurs!)
  

What I am saying is for all of you to PLAN what you want your life to be, don't wait until the "schedule" does it for you.

Right now, your life is pretty much a blank piece of paper. You hold the paint brush, so YOU should paint the picture.

Not your parents, or society or your school guidance counselor.

[/rant]

[This message was edited by Joe Ehrlich on 11 September 2003 at 10:29.]

Spoken like someone who truly doesnt give a shit about society

I enjoyed that Joe Even more if i'd joined you on the scotch!

Dan

Now I wanna share that part of my life. Went to school, and straight gone in to college, finished my degree just mid of this year, dad said 'go take a holiday', spent 2 months in Europe, half sponsored by parents, the other half on me own savings.

Now that I'm back, I'm feeling too lazy to apply for a job. Got a degree in Mass Communication and as you know, the field is wide. Wanted to go into Advertising, but doubt I'm tough enough for that line (if u know what I mean), thought of PR, but I hate writing, am feeling choosy but all I want is a job that I can excel in and earn enough money to pay that education loan I took (not much tho), support my retired parents, pay bills and I don't even have to move out yet. Cause a starting pay will not cover all that. And I wanna save for more trips.
But the question I'm really asking myself is, do I wanna have a career and climb some kinda corporate ladder (GOD knows what type of ladder I get to climb), or work enough for a trip, then go have fun, come back, look for another job.. It's hard to decide. And tomorrow, I'm going for an interview with a mate for the job as a writer in 2 new magazines. I don't even think I can write. But the Editor seems to have a lot of faith in me. I'm just gonna go give it a shot. Wish me luck people. I still don't know what I want in life. But I'm beginning to count the number of friends I have.... Like, true friends.. Am worried bout my financial status as well.... At least you guys don't have to support your parents 100% financially yea? I wanna move out and learn to be more independent, but don't know if my salary gonna allow that.

You need money to travel. To travel normally that is.

Loved your post Joe!

SleepyAngel - I wish you luck. Lots of BNArs seem like their searching for something more in life. We might find it we might not, but as long as we stay honest with ourself and keep an open mind I think we'll be ok.

Ya know Joe, I'm gonna have to print that one out! LOVE IT!! So, I guess there really is such a thing as quarter life crisis because I was 25 when I decided to quit waiting for friends to travel with me. Alot of people use to tell me I needed goals in my life. Well, just because my goals are different they don't see them as achievements. I have never had an interest in advancing in any job I have ever held. And I definitely don't have a desire to go to college just so I can work in an office. Well, I'm rambling now but ya get my point and it's nice to find a place with like minded people. :-) I was really starting to feel like a slacker at times. haha

Yah, I think most of us(BNA'rs)are um....different, but that's definitely a good thing.

Ya, i def felt out of place, till i discovered BNA

I turned 20 yesterday...

I reread the post that I made in mid-July on this same thread... turning 20 did freak me out. Haha. I didn't sleep at all... just tossed and turned. I've done a lot, but I also feel as though I haven't really accomplished anything. I know I'm still quite young (I mean... 20?!?!), and the 20's are supposed to be some good years, but it's still freakish. Someone asked me today how old I was, and I had to stop and think for a second!

Being 20 feels a little weird... and it's such a useless age! 19 is the big one to turn here... and then some people who live along the border want to turn 21 so they can easily go to the States.

"Never for me the lowered banner, never the last endeavour." -- Sir Ernest Shackleton

i think it's because most of us went to school, where the system/society did everything for you: made choices for you; babysat/sheltered you; told you what to/not to do; so you didn't have much time to look into your interests; and coming out of that you had to adjust to independence without much direction

imo

i don't care what anyone says about the above

anything is possible

The quarter life crisis. I have been having this for a couple of years; ever since I graduated. Reading the original post made me cry!!!! Because it's exactly how I feel.

Torn between my desire to be this successful independent career woman with a husband, family, house, car, pension, savings account etc and my desire to just be free and see the world.

I'm doing what I want to do right now, I'm teaching English in China so I have the travel and skills aspect sorted but I can't help feeling that I"ve been wasting my life.

Does anyone else know what I mean? Because I could have been a vet, a lawyer, a doctor, an engineer, an accountant all these things that you dream of doing when you're younger.

I remember careers day in year ten when I was fourteen years old..."What do you want to be Jennie?" "I'm going to be a lawyer" In my head that's all I was ever going to be. Eleven years later I'm not a lawyer and I know I never will be but it's hard when you realise that you haven't been able to acheive these targets that you had set yourself for many years. I don't even want to be a lawyer but I can't help feeling a failure because I'm not a lawyer.

I have to try and see the positive. We all make mistakes, we all have regrets I think it's better to make mistakes than to lead a safe life and not experience anything.

We're all worried about the future, worried about the choices we've made and have to make. That IS the problem; so much choice now as an earlier poster said.

I remember thinking on my 25th birthday that when my dad was 25 he had three children, ran his own business had bought a house and was decorating it. I remember how anal he was about us kids ruining the house with our playing but now I can see how he felt. I just can't imagine having three kids, a husband, a business and a mortgage at my age and now I respect my parents more because I think that it must have been a scary time for them too, you know, they've got these three children that they need to provide for.

I suppose at least I know if I really truly cock up the consequences only affect me.