BootsnAll Travel Community

hello everyone,

i am just going to a hard phase of my living abroad adventure. very often i got this feeling like "i wanna go home". it's not that teary "i want my mooooommy!" homesickness but just feeling alone (not lonely) and in the wrong place.
i do have friends and a job here, but it just seems like my "heart" (or whatever it is) doesn't really want to be here.
has anyone had that before? any experience how coping with it?

It is normal to feel out of sorts from time to time.

Take this time to reassess your life and your key priorities...What would you really rather be doing...and why do you need to go all the way home to do it?

I felt like you do while on a sail boat crewing in NZ, and did the above...it turns out I really wanted a creative challenge...like a gig in the music business...so I made a list of the top 5 record companies in NZ...started at the bottom of the list...by the time I got to the #3 company...I had a new gig!

I was hired as the token Yank!

I din't need to go home to Hollywood, to fullfill my need for something more fulfilling!

Try it! Make that list!

Look for the thread herein..."Check this out" for more on it!

if youre heart is telling you something, its always good to listen.. if "its" saying "it" doesnt want to be there, then perhaps you should move on. its also important to find where the "here" is thats making you unhappy. sometimes its physical location, sometimes its mental location, etc etc.

like oldhippy said "what would you really rather be doing...and why do you need to go all the way home to do it?" you may find that that "homesickness" is simply a product of your unhappiness due to "where you are," in every sense of the term. accept that you may not want to be there, and do what you need to do to surpass it.

good thoughts here, thanks. it's true that homesickness comes from some kind of unhappiness. i am not happy with my life here anymore. i am tired of all those international superficial parties and of the people you can't rely on because you don't know them.
i feel like beeeing with my real friends and being closer to my family.
in the end i think it's a good experience bc you learn a lot about yourself and i relly feel that i realized where i belong and where home is. home ist not the coolest city in the world, it's where your true friends are. how deep...

i am scared to that i will go home and then realize that i am still unhappy...unhappiness comes from the inside, i know. but it's sometimes so hard to know why you're unhappy...isn't it?

so i've got like 5 weeks until i go back home and i can't wait. found myself a cool job in a ski resort back home and i am sooo looking forward to going there!

will try to make the best of my remanining time here...any ideas of strategies?

thanks for the advice, sinahptik and oldhippy, was really helpful.
i am still very intrested of hearing stories of other booties...if you feel bad it becomes better if you don't feel bad alone...

Sunne- the more I travel the more I realize that it IS the friends that make up the best part of life. It just so happens I made great friends in different places, and naturally, stayed there for a while.

If normal travel pales for you, and you have five weeks, consider volunteering in some capacity, looking for a job, looking for a challenge besides meeting other backpackers and trading bragging rights or looking for cute guys/girls to hook up with.

Look hard, and within yourself. ask yourself what you'd rather be doing in the country or place you are in, and how to accomplish getting there.

Go on a lark trip, out to here or there, see what different things you can do to make your time worth spending away from home.

One rule of thumb is this: The longer you stay in one place, the better the odds of finding like minded people who will relieve your loneliness.

Make sure you actually like that place, because otherwise, you're spending time in a place you don't like.

I hope you do feel better, and remember: The best part about travelling, as opposed to true vagabonding, is this: You actually have a home to go to, and home is often where the heart is.

I am headed to my families house in upstate NY for the winter, and yes, I might rather be in the tropics, but you know what? it's as beautiful there as it is almost anywhere else. So.. why not get beautiful location and friends at the same time??

Just a thought.

You can always go out again once your spiritual batteries are recharged, if they are truly emptied.

hey tortuga,

you are really right saying home is there where your friends are. it's so true!
i have got 4 more weeks left here and i already start feeling sad to leave...see how things can change. but obviously i only enjoy it again bc i know time is runnig out and it is so short time until my departure.
but hey, i made the best out of it and i really don't feel i ran away from my problems here.

so i better appreciate this wonderful place as long as i am here for i am going to miss it as hell when i am back in boring switzerland...
thanks for sharing your thoughts, everyone!

By the time you read this, you should be about a week ebfore heading home.

After 9 months of travel, one thing I miss most is the regular contact with friends I can be confortable with. Yes, I've met(still meet) tons of new people every week, but things can get a bit boring and superficial (your comment about 'international superficial parties' struck a chord with me). But, you can make friends anywhere - maybe you haven't given yourself enough time (dunno how long you were in BCN for) or looked for like minded people at the right places?

when you hang around international types, its normal for relationships to come and go really fast as well (this is one reason why I don't like big cities - and BCN is a big party city - everything is so fast and fickle...). But, it's my hope, some of the friends I've made through this trip(and out of hundreds of people, I can only say that about a handful), will remain friends for a long time to come. And that what's gonna make the place where you are, your home.

It's normal nostalgic moods come sometimes. I'm in the middle of one right now: remembering exactly how the houses looked in streets I used to pass, remembering exactly how the lights of the shops in Brussels looked, how the air smelled, ...

But... I refuse to give in to it. I have a dream, and I don't want occasional nostalgic moods come in between. I didn't dream of swifting away all my life then to give up so easily. It is time to move on from where I am now, and that's what I want to do. But returning to where I came from?? Despite the nostalgic moods and sometimes desire to be there again, it's also not where I want to live my life, and somehow I still don't want to return. It never felt like a true home, as far as I feel I never had a true home, and lately I got more and more ashamed of my native country. I just will move on and hope to find a place of happiness that combines the feeling of belonging somewhere (feeling familiar etc) with the fulfillment of being abroad and discovering new things.

I never had many friends, grew up semi-reclusive. I understand what some say here about "home = where friends are". But honestly: I am glad now that I don't have friends I left behind. And I am glad that I broke all contacts with 99% of my family. Not having people I left behind, made it somewhat easier to cut the ties. Now all nostalgic memories are about events and places, but I have no friends I really miss, only people I never actually knew that well and that could have been friends if I had stayed. But close friends: never had them and in a way I am glad I started travelling before I made some real friends.

Following the heart? My heart changes opinion every couple of days In the end I prefer ignoring the heart sometimes and listen to what the heart wants the majority of time. Planning a bit long-term while also trying to enjoy the things on my way.

Maybe I should be jealous of people having a real home. I don't know. Belgium, where I come from, is a place that I am deeply ashamed of. Maybe I am lucky in a way not to be patriottic, as wandering seems a more attractive lifestyle than attachment to a locality. I love Belgium for its beautiful cities that feel so familiar even though I've left a while ago, but I hate Belgium for its society. It's the most racist place in Europe, and if I could I would change nationality on the spot and just forget Belgium existed. I am sincere in what I am saying here. There's nothing to be proud of but bricks and cities. The people in that country make me ashamed. I am proud when thinking of those streets and buildings, I am ashamed when thinking of the people using the buildings. Sorry if this seems insulting to someone, I don't intend to provocate, just being honest about feelings of how the place I grew up in is so far away from the place it should have been IMHO.

i have to take exception here - even tho i am blessed with the ability to make good friends everywhere i go, and thse people are so valuable to me, sometimes one simply cant compare to peeps back home or family. or to other comforts of home of course.

i have had the opportunity to spend several blessed months at a time working overseas in the company of my best friend and hubby, but i tell ya, i suffered with homesickness a lot.

sure sometimes it may be matter of not being happy anywhere, but sometimes you're just missing home, and thats cool.

I missed being "anonymous" (being white in Africa lost its appeal on certain days, no matter how much I loved it there).
I missed the food of home - i had epic lists compiled after 9 months of foods to eat on my first day back
I missed my favourite coffee place, walks i like to take, places i like and of course, friends and fam.
Of course I live to travel. im a travel agent now to fund the habit. i have a business on the side importing music intruments.. sometimes im sick as hell of this shit hole home of mine But I STILL miss it when I'm away.

I have a slightly different take on the thing.

The reason I used to travel to the hills on weekends was to fight that feeling of being scared being alone. Over time the trips grew longer and I started heading out into the interiors and all of this happened as I was always aware that to get rid of my fear of being alone I'd rather spend some time alone and see what happens. And as long as I could keep my mind centered on that goal I'd set for myself, I could deal with the whole thing with a light heart.

I remember when I was a child I used to be so scared of going to school.. ..home was where I wanted to stay all day.

So travel had to be that love-hate-love affair for me. I travelled as I was always looking forward to bring that little change in myself. Just that little desperation in me that didn't let me be like the plants and the trees. Not exactly knowing what it was that I wanted of myself, I tried and do some of the things, and I could, and about the rest of the things I wondered.

M. Raman

Homesickness is pretty much inevitable (although it varies from person to person). I definitely felt it. Mostly when I was hungover haha! and didnt have my couch and bed and other 'comfort' materials. It passes though. And remembering the point of the trip (for me, it was getting out of my comfort zone and to learn more about myself and the world) helps put things in perspective. Nothing is forever.