BootsnAll Travel Community

So, in my few years as a human I've found that the greatest negative force around is fear. It stops us from doing things we want to do, and even things that we need to do. From simple things like taking a different way home, or asking that girl/guy if they want to become friends/playmates, to "bigger" things like traveling, and life decisions.
I'm curious, where has fear entered into your life, and what tactics/philosophies/affirmations etc did you emply to overcome this fear?
Where did this feat of choice take you?
I'm hoping to help other people that may be afraid to make a certain decision get past their fears by inspiring many to tell about what scares them, and how they got past it.

~~me? People scare the crap out of me. One day I made a choice to be the best I could be as a human being, and found that I was constantly afraid of saying the wrong thing, or hurting someones feelings, or making the wrong choice and after a while I noticed that I wasn't making any more choices. I was simply existing in a state of mild panic. It was a pretty unhappy time.
So I found things that inspired me to be more self-actualized. I found writings, pictures, sayings, and people that pushed me to be me again, and realize that every mooment is a choice for <ME>, to do what I want and think is best.
I've found that inspiration again...my way...
please share yours, if ya dig it.

peace,
grey

my biggest fear is that i'll regret what i don't do and that i will be tied down before i can do what i think i want. haven't really overcome it, but i find that running away from it helps for a while. i know that is very irresponsible, but if i ever feel trapped, i'll change my scenery to get away from that feeling. therefore, this leads to a rather large commitment problem!

Have Fun,

Crittle

i'm curious as to why you think that wanting to do things that are different from your society makes you irresponsible. not at all knocking the feeling, mind you...in my culture I discovered that what most of the people around me who were calling me irresponsible were really saying was "i'm jealous." or in other words, they were just as scared about it as I was, just I was doing it to see what the fuss was about. it turns out that I ended up meeting a ton of people who thought like I do, and I realized that i wasn't shirking any responsibilities...I was just choosing to live my life a different way.
Since this discovery, I've found that it's easier and easier to do these amazing things that I used to admire other people for. now I'm taking huge leaps and doing all these things myself. It was a great feeling to realize that I can do anything I want. well, within reason of course. The reason being that some of my wants might end up with a restraining order from Ani Difranco in my lap.
In Oz I've noticed (through the wonderful aussies i've met in my day--there are so many!! seriously!) that travel is more advocated than here in the west. is that true? do you find that your society is confining? or liberating? are there equal values on life experience and work experience or is one more highly valued?

scuse the questions but you got me going good...

peace,
grey

Hmmm, travel is sorta supported. My family support me to do what i want (mind u they weren't so happy about me originally going by myself) my cousins have travelled to bali several times, which sorta cleared the way for me. I do find that a few people disagree, but i think it just depends on the person. I don't find that my society is confining, definatly more liberated.

In all honesty, i think work experience is more valued to the majority of people, but for me, it's definatly life experience. (travel being a big part) I had a friend who had only ever holidayed with his parents and their holidays were a maximum 1 hour from their home. I hated that, so i took him away with me to port macquarie for a weekend (it's only three hours away but it beats one hour) and it opened his eyes a bit more. i can't believe how much of a sheltered life some people live. even my current boyfriend (who has admitted jealousy towards me going overseas) will stay at home as long as he can, and won't travel coz he is too scared that he'll be in a terrorist attack. he won't go to bali with me! The more i'm typing, the more i'm thinking society is actually confining. another issue is the whole sars thing. people think i'm crazy for travelling now, but if it's not SARS, it's a terrorist issue, and if it isn't that, it'll be something else. should i get sars or worse, at least i've done some of the things i want to do.

and i don't think doing things different is irresponsible at all. It's how i handle them. I'm pretty straightforward and that can be a real problem. If i don't agree, i'll say, just not always in the best/nicest way (my friends love me for it!) and i'll just up and leave where i am, or try to get away from a situation instead of dealing with it. I don't want to be responsible right now.

Have Fun,

Crittle

I agree with you totally about the whole being straightforward thing being a problem...A lot of americans don't deal well with honesty. I find a lot of times that I have to lead people in personal conversations to get them to be nhonest with me. It's a bummer. I consider myself to be pretty frank most of the time...if i don't like somehthing, either I bail or try to change it...and a lot of people would rather things just be left alone so they can deal with it in passive fear (or whatever state they dig)...personally--i like to affect my surroundings. I like to shake people up sometimes. a lot of my friends think i'ma bit odd, or silly. but my good friends know what i;m about and that's all that matters.

as far as responsibility...the only responsibilty people have is to themselves. to be the best they can for themselves. the rest kinda falls into place.

good convo---thanks!!!
grey

Hmm, i'd like to think the only responsibility i have is to myself, but sometimes, i feel that i'm not only responisble for myself, but for other people as well. i don't know. i just can't seem to grasp being only responsible for me.

I'm glad i'm not the only person who people have a problem with being straight forward!!! Unfortunatly, i haven't always been straight forward, only in the past 6 months, due to a horrid breakup and being someone else that wasn't me for 2 & a half years. i struggled! and when it come down to i didn't HAVE to be something else to suit someone, i just went wild! My mum keeps saying "It's a phase"! i think shes coming to terms with it now!

So, what does everyone else think? What is more valuble, work experience or life experience? And does anyone else find society comfining?

Hey Grey, i think this is one of the deeper conversations i've had in a while!

Have Fun,

Crittle

Good for you both! This is what I'd call a meaningful dialog.

GreyCat...I'm glad you dropped the "time-space"signature line. You are a lot more real and incredible without it!

You both raise "very real topics" of personal and spiritual growth and awareness, and are both an asset to the title and purpose of this board!

Carry on...Carry on.

I guess that this is where I should be posting my responses, since most other boards seem geared towards more practical topics. So I have been thinking a lot about life, responsibilty American way of life, etc. and why there aren't more people out there who get such a jolt from living life a little differently, I am not saying like a man who wants to live as a woman or anything, but more like not following the usual track, house, job wife kids etc.
I am driving home from work the other day (don't worry I am on a countdown to my departure next year..for NZ) and I am wondering why a lot more people don't just pick up and leave and live in a nother place for a while.

I have been at the same job for 5 years, and it's coming to an end. I started to think for a while that I no longer had control of what was happening, like I would just work for the rest of my life and that there was nothing that I could do about it. However I have realized that the power to choose is the greatest power a person can have, moreso now because I am single, not kids, have few financial responsibilities, etc.
So now I am on the track to getting rid of my bills, and going to live in a different place for a little while. After that, who knows, maybe i'll come back, and try the 9 to 5 again or maybe i'll try something totally different...(hopefully something different)
The point is that I have the opportunity to do this now, and I am not going to waste it, and I am glad that I didn't discover this too late..
Sorry for the babbling,...and thanks for the ear..

"Happiness is to know when you've found it"

Oh, I forgot...
I think that society is confining to an extent. Being from the East Coast, there is definitely a materialistic mindset.... I mean the drive here is about owning a home, car, having a job, making lost of money, etc. Lots of times this is how you are judged when you meet people. For example, if you go out, and meet someone the conversation usually starts out with "What do you do?" and it goes on from there. If I were to say "I shovel shite for a living....does that make me anyless of a person than anyone else?"....not that I want to do that for a living you understand...
Anyhoo, my point is...that I think that if you aren't settled by a certain age, then you're "spacey" or "loopey" or just not able to make a decision.
I just feel that life can be more interesting, and not as routine and maybe less ordinary because we only get a chance to do it once. I think that there are lots of things to experience and this won't happen if you stay in the same area forever.
Am I wrong? Anyone else agree? I think that society is confining in terms of traveling, but you have the ability to choose wether or not it has to be that way.

"Happiness is to know when you've found it"

Sorry, last thing I promise..
For me in a way it's a little bit more complex because I come from a West Indian family..
an that means that you have to be either a Doctor, Lawyer or go back to school eventually..
So for me it's even more restricted and confining....but i'm still going..
Ok..that's it..

"Happiness is to know when you've found it"

Kinda on topic...

I've been amazed at the number of intelligent/educated/financially comfortable people who have told me that I was either brave, or lucky, to be traveling for a year.

I was neither.

I PLANNED this trip for 5 years. I lived like a student, I delayed buying a new car until my old one died a painful death, I only shopped discount clothing stores (I worked in fashion), I paid off all my school loans, AND I saved enough money to support myself during a year or more of unemployment once I returned, all as part of my 5-year-PLAN.

When I've said 'You could do it, too.' I've heard responses like 'I'd have to sell my Porche.' 'My parents would kill me.' (from a 35 yo man) and 'I like clothes too much.'


The only positive thing I can think about these poor souls is that they keep the economy running (creating stability as a result of their fear of the unknown) while I travel, so hopefully there will be jobs for me when I get back.

Maybe we should thank them for being so fearful?

Definitely...One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn is that no matter what, you cannot change another persons life...or rather "save them." You can affect the way a person thinks, if they are impressionable, and you can manipulate people pretty easily, but in doing so you are not strengthening them, you're making them weaker, because it was your strength that showed them a side other than fear.
basically what I'm saying is, be kind, and loving, but don't waste your time trying to "show the people the light." I mean, of course do what you will, but i'm telling you i've really learned this lesson hard lately.
All you have to worry about is what you're doing... and the rest will take care of itself. It feels really good to convince someone else of the way you see the world, because it helps you to feel better about yourself, and your reality...but it's your reality, not anyone else's, so you really, in essence, can't share it.
uggh...too much for monday.
one last thought...is it fear that holds these people down? or is it apathy?
peace,
grey

Why fear traveling

Maybe it is just laziness of mind. Lack of curiosity. Caused by utter boredom...? This one I do not really understand.

Or vice versa: People are so insecure in their life in general, that once some kind of security is established, then you do not want to part it.

You must have a home to leave from. If you have no home (psychologically, mentally, you are a refugee etc.) then you cannot leave home to travel, not in any fulfilling way anyhow.

Do you see what I mean?

I think so...

You're saying that you need a base to expand upon,,,sorta like, "you can't build a house without a foundation" dealy?

I agree. Although the trap here is that I notice people comparing instead of experiencing. Rarely are two moments alike, and still somehow people are able to find life mundane and boring. I think it's because our perception works on a pattern recognition system and therefore most of our perceptual logic does as well...so if we see a pattern that is similar to one we recognize we compare said patterns and file the experience away as "been there, done that." So no matter where you go or what you do, you find you are always in the same patterns, because even though each place in the world is different, each place in the world is the same as well.
So it could be said that having ths soolid base allows us to let go of our patterns and see the differences in our environment, and experience them as new and exciting.
I definitely notice that a lot of my friends have a hard time with this kind of existence. I figure that it takes all types tho...and more for me.
peace,
grey

I guess the next question is how much has society formed you in becoming the person you are today?

we all seem to find society confining, but how much of a difference has this made to YOU?

Have Fun,

Crittle

Society? Not that much of a differene actually..
I have always been one to march to my own drummer..well..as much as I am able anyway...
but for me..I think that the fear that I still have from striking out comes from my upbringing.
Coming from a West Indian immigrant family, the thinking has always been.."Be a doctor, or be a lawyer or be an accountant or go back to school and get your Masters so that you can have a stable job.
All of which is great if that's what you want to do...and I am all about stability...
but picking up on a whim is looked down on and considered risky and flighty...which is why I guess I never really discovered it (traveling) until now.
So for me the fear of picking up and breaking away from the familiar is the scary part because it's been all about stability for me...then there is the after...I mean I gotta come back right? No job.....etc.
In a way the argument to get a stable job has always made sense.
I mean, I don't have to worry about where money is coming from, and can take care of myself and can afford things.......but.......I feel like there is something that i'm missing....like seeing other things and places...
Am I wrong? It doesn't make sense to me sometimes, and so I am just gonna go and see what happens....which like I said is no like me...and new and different. Yeah scared...but at the same time, encouraged because now I at least feel as if I have control over myself and what I am doing...which I was starting to lose before I made my decision, etc.
Yeah..

"Happiness is to know when you've found it"

Um..yeah I can't spell..

"Happiness is to know when you've found it"

Personally I think that that feeling, the one where you feel like yer missing something...is a result of knowing that there is more out there.
Some people live entire lives without stepping outside of themselves. Their whole reality consists of what they think about what's going on around them...and therefore what's around them is the only thing that exists.
For those of us that have travelled both in reality and in our minds (call it daydreaming, fantasizing, etc.), we have seen that there is an endless possibility factor going on here...the world contains so much that I couldn't see it all before i died, so it kind of drives me to see as much as i can.
And as far as wrong...? to a lot of people it is wrong to go off and do your own thing, whether it's because they feel that altruism is an important factor in one's life, or because it is considered irresponsible to just go somewhere on a whim. to them I say "whim this, pal! I have bigger plans!"
ummmm, lost my train of thought again.
you guys are greyt.

greyt!
Get it?
Ha!
Thanks for the responses guys..

"Happiness is to know when you've found it"

and gals..

"Happiness is to know when you've found it"