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You know how every now and then you'll remember a moment in your life, or something you saw, which affected you so deeply that it's burned into your memory and must have influenced who you have become.
Most of them are poignant. Some seem insignificant as events but obviously touched something inside.
They're the kind of things which you imagine you'd remember on your deathbed, just as you pass away.
I just had one of those moments now and had to try and describe it :-)
Strange...

I have had quite a few. I think I have something that snags these moments into my life. For once, I feel without words to describe them. Perhaps, because two of the moments that keep taking over my thoughts were watching both my parents die, when I was young.

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Originally posted by pepdrug:
I have had quite a few. I think I have something that snags these moments into my life. For once, I feel without words to describe them. Perhaps, because two of the moments that keep taking over my thoughts were watching both my parents die, when I was young.

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Having experienced that, I think you might have a better understanding of what I mean then I do.

Borderland, no comparisons necessary - each moment is important.

Feel like sharing any part(s) of your moment(s). I would be interested.

Pepdrug,

I can relate in at least some ways. I wasn't *young* when my parents died, but more than young enough. My father died of cancer when I was 17 after a 3 year battle. There are a number of moments from this (defining me in different ways). My mother died from a massive heart attack when I 26. Another set of defining moments.

I am not sure that the definition is always as simple as a "moment", but maybe an event or several related moments.

But I very much think my path in life (and my current travels) have been and always will be deeply impacted by these moments

before i left for a trip, i went to visit my grandma at the nursing home. out of all the 20 years she's raised me, that halcyon moment in which i was sitting next to her, both staring out the window.. it was like, i knew everything would be ok eventually.

not to sound corny or mushy, but that was my goodbye to my grandma. she had just recovered (well, i'm not sure if she ever did actually 'recover') from an emergency operation a couple months before. it wasn't just a 'goodbye, i'll see you in 2 1/2 weeks when i get back!' sort of deal. it was like 'i love you, this is a necessary goodbye and we're fortunate to have this opportunity.'

when i got back, she never remembered who i was. my cousin and i were the last ones to leave the hospital late sunday night/early last monday morning. i hope she heard me talking to her.. the whole time i was there, she was passed out, doped up. we left a couple hours before she passed away. :sigh:

meh, bittersweetness at its best. cancer, pain, loss.. but i guess all that is forgotten in the long run and only the sweet things remain.

Its funny because I was just thinking about that goodbye thing.
It's such a cliche because its true. Its impossible every time, to really say goodbye to someone and make them appreciate what they mean to you. You just have to trust that they know it.
And if you are lucky enough to say goodbye to someone knowing its for the last time, then that's a gift which you can't put a price on because you can tell them how you feel.

4 defining moments in my life
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1) The day I left New York at age 11 was the one huge turning point in my life. I hated my parents untill I graduated high school. I was so lost through school in such a different environment. I never adjusted and it showed in my grades and my activities.

2) The day I finally realized that drugs did not make me happy and quit cold turkey. It was the easiest thing I have ever done because something touched me that night in Orlando and I never looked back.

3) The day I got up the nerve to finally go in for a job interview and have stuck with the same job ever since.

4) The months prior to leaving for my first and only solo trip. I grew up a lot and realized I can do anything if I really wanted it.

I don't think I've had any life defining moments... that actually makes me feel quite sad.
I think it may be because I tend not to analyze things, ever. I sort of just go with the flow and don't really sit down and think about things.
I guess one of the most recent moments would have been going to see my gran in hospital. She was real bad, she didn't even resemble my gran.
It upset me so much I couldn't even speak. I knew it would be the last time I would see her. But I couldn't say anything because my chest had welled up so much.
I take solice in knowing that I went to see her, and that I visited her properly when she was recognisable.
It was her funeral last week, but I still don't think it has sank in with me yet.

I don't know if I'm selfish, but when I've been with someone who's close to passing, I end up thinking about myself. I mean, I think those thoughts about mortality, life etc. and how it relates to me. Can't help it.

The situation with my Grandmother on my Dad's side did make make me vow I would never put anybody into a nursing home. It's one of the saddest things I can think of.

yeah, i've always hated nursing homes. it was so hard for me to visit them because it was always so heartbreaking.

when i was with my grandma before she died, all the thoughts that kept running through my head were memories of me and her. and ever since she passed, all i keep thinking about is how i only have my parents left that links me to the past. does that make sense?

hmm.. it still doesn't feel real yet.

Life's pretty generational. I mean, you know your Grandparents if you're lucky, but most really only know them as old people who you see now and then. You don't really know what their life was like when they were young. At least that's my situation.
And they're your parent's parents. To your Mom & Dad they're... Mom & Dad. But to me they're a less vital part of my life.
So make the most of your time, because within a generation or two, even if you have a loving family, you could be someone sitting in a home, or maybe just a photo on the wall.

i guess part of my frustration is just dealing with not knowing anything more about my own culture. sometimes i wish my parents stick to chinese traditions more so that i could at least know what some of them are.

ANYWAY.. so, steering away from the macabre..

another life defining moment.. although i don't know how a little thing like that managed to change my life. a long time ago, i was in hong kong with my parents. we were out on the sidwalk waiting for someone to meet up with us for lunch. there was a homeless man with deformed legs with.. string tied around them so that it looked like segments..? i handed him a 20 note (that is, in hk currency.. not USD) and he turned around and looked up at me; his eyes just said it all. how grateful he was. not just because i gave him more than what people normally give him, but that i didn't shrug him off like he was just a thing that was inconveniently occupying walking space on the sidewalk.

the thing that changed my mind from wanting to be one of those people that go on a week long trip every couple of years or so, to actually wanting/needing to see the world every chance i get.. i was walking around the old town square in prague. i happened to look up at the grey sky and then i pulled my scarf tighter around my neck. i thought 'i'm in prague.' and that was it.

That's a very cool one about Prague. It can do that to you :-)

And as for homeless people, I don't know why I think about them as much as I do. For some reason I always wonder if they have any family who knows where they are, and I also imagine them as little children, maybe starting out like everyone else, and if they ever thought that one day instead of a home and a family they would have nothing and be lying in the street.

I'm so selfish. My defining life moments have nothing to do with the death of a loved one. They're more to do with me.

One was when my parents opened the house to perfect strangers in need of a place to sleep. I still do that and feel it is necessary.

Another was when I had a Conversion Experience and became a Christian. That has been a defining factor in all my life decisions since then.

And the first time I got onto a plane. THAT was defining! It changed my world from 2-nation to 300-nation. There can't be anything more defining for a confirmed Traveller than that!

For all of those travellers
We all deal with goodbyes. When leaving on a trip or the death of someone near. I heard this quote on one of those stupid chain letter email thingies and it has stuck with me." Do not be dismayed at goodbyes. A goodbye is necessary in order to meet again. And meeting again after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are friend." It's pretty sappy--I know, but when I'm having to deakl with a hard goodbye, it kinda helps a little.

My most defining moment was on a New Years Eve and it came out of nowhere. I had gone out by myself that night and arrived into the city at 11.40pm and decided to go sit by the river and watch the fireworks go off at midnight. I sat there alone and looked around me. Peoples' faces were turned toward the sky and bright with happiness and hope. I knew that for just this tiny amount of time, these people were enjoying being alive, and having bad thoughts about no one.

Everything around me just looked so perfect to me. I felt so happy that I wanted to just explode... I knew that the world, for all it's imperfections, is just how it's meant to be. I felt that everything's ok and I was just completely overwhelmed by the fact that I was lucky enough to have my life and the fact that I truly wouldn't change it - or myself - one bit.

I realised that there must've been nothing I did to deserve what I have and so it's up to me to appreciate my life by living and not being held back by anything. I just felt... peaceful and realised that I'd never worry about things that don't truly matter ever again.

These feelings have never left me.

I called my brother and sister to tell them that I love them more then anything else in the world, then got up and danced in the street all night with smiling strangers.

That's a great one. There's a book or movie there. I can see it in my head.
I think Parker Posie should play you.

Once I get it all organised in my head, I'd love to write a book. The last couple of years of my life would be more than enough to fill the pages.

lol, as for a movie, I can definately see Parker Posie playing me. Maybe more of me comes out in my posts than I realise, cos you chose someone pretty spot on.

quote:

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Originally posted by FemaleNomad:
I'm so selfish. My defining life moments have nothing to do with the death of a loved one. They're more to do with me.

!

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FemaleNomad....Obviously, defining moments definately have to do with you, after all it is your life. Therefore, your not selfish at all.