BootsnAll Travel Community

Just wanted to hear everyones thoughts on travelling soon after the end of a relationship? Has anyone found packing their bags and taking off as a good way to refresh themselves and basically get a new lease on life? Or was it bad idea to take off when still in an emotionally sensitive frame of mind?

Personally, I wasn't in a very serious relationship, but it was a fun one, lasting only 6 months. It was soon clear I was far more attached than him when he walked away and it left me quite depressed, with a lot of self-doubt and what I was all about.

ANYHOW, fast foward 6 months and here I am almost all better again and about to take off for the first time to Asia on my lonesome for 10 weeks - I've come a long way in the past 6 months!! Im scared but excited and I can't wait to go! Do any others have experiences of travelling soon after a bust up? This is my first time as a solo traveller and I'm looking foward to the challenge of having only myself to rely on for a fair chuck of time. While I think it will be great to be in new surrounds and doing something fresh and different everyday, I know that occasionally (and most likely during those 'flat' days everyone has when they travel) the events of 6 months ago will pop into my mind every now and then and that hurt I went through will affect me, if only only momentarily. Can anyone relate to what I'm saying? I'd like to hear of your own experiences.

I'm glad there is a spiritual travellers section to post this, or I'd otherwaise just sound like a nut!

Taking a long trip is an excellent way to "move on" from a lot of things, including an old relationship.

I, personally, feel this way for three reasons: First, it keeps your mind off things, as you mentioned.

Second, it can mark a major transition period in your life. This is more if you're taking a long trip, because chances are you would be quitting your job, moving, or at least taking a long enough break from these things so that they seem a bit "fresher," if not new, when you get back.

Third, a trip is an excellent opportunity to meet someone else! (Hey, it worked for me)

Brentus, I hope you are doing well after the break up.
I resisted to a trip after my break up of a 5+ year relationship, but my whole family got me to go.
The truth was, I hadn't traveled much during that relationship, and I had forgotten how.

I went to China for the first time, which was a place I've always thought I'd never go (because i was born in Taiwan, and had quite some concepts about the "communists", some true, some not so, in my mind)

It did great things for me even though the trip wasn't all easy going. The thing with human relationships is that eventually you will find yourself all alone, and can only count on yourself. The better you get to know yourself alone, and feel comfortable, you better your next relationship will be, and your present relationship will improve.

I'm not saying everything good will happen instantaneously, and I'm still trying to figure myself out, and not all my friendships have been greatly improved, and I think I've lost some actually..BUT, the trip is great for perspectives, and for reflections. It's also good for realizing that it's OK to grief..(nothing better than an all out cry fest without having anyone you know around), to be totally melodramatic thinking back to the sad moments.

The best thing is that you will feel pain and feel joy, and all the things in between, and be able to know that you came through somehow, and so next time, you just have that confidence that even though you're hurting like crazy, you're going to be OK this time, too.

Have a great trip!

you'll be fine..

the girlfriend split with me 6 months before we where due to go on a RTW year. Luckily went with 2 females i knew from uni


the first few months where difficult, but then I seemed to get on a roll and at the xmas i was fighting them off with a stick ;o)

Of course you'll think about x's but you also think about family and friends too..


Looking back, I had the best year of my live !! and she was the one to miss out on it.

Actually, i am not taking this trip in uly because of a break-up, but i do understand what you mean by getting a fresh start...i am actually trying to AVOID a relationship because of my trip...how wierd am i? i figured, i dont know where life will take me, so i just dont want to get close to her..but one of the major reasons i am taking this trip is to "start over" but in a much different way...does that make sense?

Brentus, you are not a nut, you are human. I agree with the others going on a trip is an excellent idea! Leave it all behind including your heartache but not your heart even if it's broken for now.

100 years ago I had my little black heart broken, people told me that all I needed was time. So I waited. Waited. And waited some more ~ two years later my heart was still broken. Time was not the answer - I don't know if a trip is THE ANSWER but one thing I do know TIME alone did not heal my heart.

I hope and pray that time and travel (distance) will help you heal.

Good luck!

Thanks for your thoughts everyone Was great to get some different perspectives. Boarding time is less then 3 weeks now!! Exciting!

Hey there Brentus.... why do you think I am so well travelled? Solo travelling can be hard going at times.... well initially at least. However, it will force you "out of the box" especially when we are feeling a little bit more fragile than normal ie: coz of a relationship breakup.

Trust me it is going to be the best thing you ever did. I can guarantee that while you are on this journey you really will be blessed in many different ways because it's the start of a new chapter in your life. Time is an amazing thing. You are going at a perfect time in the sense that you've had six months to heal and nurture yourself. The best part is when you arrive in a new country because this is when you will look at life through a new set of eyes

I hope you have an amazing time and please keep us posted on your travels.....

Thanks so much Princi62, I do hope it turns out to be the best thing I ever did and yes it certainly is the beginning of a new chapter for me! exciting!

Hi brentus,

Yes, gotta agree with the others here - what an excellent thing to do go off to Asia! It's pretty inspiring.

I think it will be the making of you.

Namaste!

Benanakin

Brentus, did the same thing myself a decade ago, and have met many others with the same experience. (In bars. Many, many bars.) Best thing for you. Just remember not to bore other travelers with the sobbing details once you're on the road. Even when drunk. It is the golden rule of bar chatter.

I'm going ahead with travel that had been planned with that wonderful someone. Her religious family freaked out and forbade her travelling with someone she wasn't married to, so she ended it and is now travelling with her brother (?!?) for the summer...
I don't really understand what happened, but had made some decisions in my life that couldn't really be taken back so I'm going to make the best of things and give it a solo go.
Some destinations remain the same, but added a visit to friends in Sydney & Townsville, Aus., a volunteer project in the Seychelles, and some time in Africa too.
Excited, looking forward to it and eager get my mind off "it" and onto other things - to shed my baggage by shouldering a backpack and seeing somethings I've never seen before.
Great posts here, giving me some confidence I hadn't felt before. Best to all and the road awaits...

Good on you, go for it!

You'll find it a life-changing experience. For me, my first trip has had a deep impact on my life and basically freed me to make the right decisions about my future. I've been travelling on and off ever since. Solo is best.

Ah yeah You should go for sure. It will give you a new perspective, and at least you'll be away from everything.

I wen't travelling to Holland after my 5 year relationship broke down with my ex-fiancee.

All I can really say is that the constant meeting new people, especially fellow travellers who were quite similar to me made things a LOT easier.

Once you do this you'll have grown even more as a person and your break up will seem like a lifetime ago.

You'll be fine and who know's, you might even meet a nice exotic foreigner

Hmmm. The getting on with life after a break-up can be the hardest thing to do, but solo travel would force you to concentrate on your life and living in the moment, and a lot of good can come from that.

The grief process will happen no matter where you are and will take its own time. Maybe taking a trip would have been best every time I have broken up with someone special but I never thought to do that. I will next time.

Peace and love,
Carole.