BootsnAll Travel Community

Hi all, sorry for the long preamble, but I wanted to put my dilemma in context. I've got three children aged almost 6, 3.5 and 1.5 and live in London. I've travelled RTW pre-children but recently we've done bucket and spade holidays near home and put more challenging travel on the back burner. Last autumn I came across Six in the World and the Fleming Family blog and was really inspired, but didn't think it was something we could do. I showed the blogs to my husband and he surprised me by saying "we should do that" so we spent a very excited few weeks working out how we could manage it. We decided to take about a year to visit countries that are a long way from England (SE and NE Asia, California, NZ and Oz etc), when our youngest is four years old. We then tentatively started talking to friends and family about it. Our friends have all been really supportive, but my parents are quite negative. I'm really surprised by this as they have travelled extensively and my father lived all over the world as a child. Their criticisms are that my husband and I are doing it for our own benefit and that the children will not remember it when they are older. They also think we shouldn't take the kids out of school as we will lose their places if they miss more than half a term. We love our daughter's school and are hoping we will get places on our return (incidentally, we've asked the school head what she thinks of our idea and she's all for it). I guess I am looking for reassurance. How do any of you who are further ahead with your plans/already travelling deal with negativity from people you are close to? Also, how do you feel that under 10's benefit from extended travel?
Best wishes

Well... I'll take the first crack at this. Here are a couple of random thoughts:

1)Taking a year off to be with your kids is ~always~ a good thing.

2) You can't really take a year off and stay at home because you would not break your regular routine.

3) The longer you agonize over (or analyze) things, the more likely you are not to go.

4) There will always be naysayers. In our case, they largely reflected their own fears back on us: what if you get injured/ sick/ separated/ kidnapped/ etc. Honestly, I don't think it is any more risky to travel than it is to stay home if you take what would be considered normal precautions. We were in islamic countries within months of 9/11, and of course travelling as a family made us really stick out. Yet everyone we met was very nice/ helpful/ polite.

Luckily both sides of our parents were supportive in our case. I wonder what the root cause is for your parents? How is their health? Worried about your safety? Maybe they'll miss you & grandkids? Perhaps invite them to meet you at some faraway spot for a couple of weeks during your trip? Phones and internet are also relatively cheap and easy to find almost anywhere - they will not lose touch with you.

5) perhaps the kids won't remember the trip. They'll still get a heck of a lot more out of a year travelling than a year at home doing the same old thing. School should not be a problem. My 8, 11 and 13 year old did not miss a year on their return.

6) Most people my parents age think of travel as the 'ok, I've seen that Taj Mahal... now where's the bus and what is next on the list?'
Travelling as a family is different - yes, we saw alot of things, but we really were there to see people and experience different cultures. Your kids will (hopefully) learn tolerance, a willingness to try new things, and an ability to see things from a different perspective. These are great lessons to learn at that age... even if they don't remember seeing the Taj Mahal later on.

Oh gosh if I had 10 cents for every negative comment I have had to deal with over the past five years of being a mother I could fund my trip. It was five years ago to the week that became a first time mom and now I have five children

I have been questioned about birthing and how I birthed, to if and why I should adopt two "older" children...why I homeschool, why I don't let the kids play videos and how on Earth I could take them camping thru Europe for a month (which is nothing when you read about others travels). My parents were some of the biggest nay sayers of all, and now see things more from my view.

I don't know...folks and their thoughts don't deter me much anymore. and you know even your parents are correct and you are doing this for yourself what is wrong with that? Once we become parents we give and give and give and think little of our desires...

Your parents are probably correct in that your younger ones might not remember it, but you know you can keep it alive for them. Speak of your travels often, display pictures and art and surround yourselves with educating them pretrip and memories post trip and you'll keep alive.

My goal is to go in 7 years, 8 if my husband's company wants to make sure he has a FULL 10 years under his belt before he get a leave like this. My youngest who is days away from being 1 will be 7-8ishish which plays some part in the decision. Most of all (and this is the truth)...I have 6 pets and I know in 7-8 years that if I don't add to the family that all of my precious pets will be gone.

I'm not certain when you are looking to go...but the nay sayers fuel my lust even more I have to say when I share my plans most of the folks who have nay say'ed me in the past now look at me as, "of course you will do this!!!".

Follow your dreams!!!!!
I really think most can't relate to this way of travel and thank goodness we all have eachother here and can hopefully introduce such travels to others who never would have thought of it.

thanks zoinks, I agree with all your points, particularly point 3 - it's easy to talk yourself out of anything.

With my parents, I think it's just that they are quite conventional and this is not a conventional thing to do. It's the age of our children mostly. I've travelled a bit with my parents, including SE Asia - they are pretty adventurous for their age etc but we didn't go further afield than the USA before we were about 10.

One of our prime motivators for doing this trip is spending uninterrupted time with our children. So I guess if you look at it from that point of view, it doesn't matter too much what they remember.

it's nice to hear from someone who had such a positive experience - thanks

If they are strong experiences, I think children remember more than you think. I remember my grandmother & have a few vivid & specific memories and she died when I was 2 1/2.

My child's Godmother did a RTW trip when she was 5 and now she is almost 60 and says it had a PROFOUND affect on her entire life. I just talked to a man who went with his father to Kenya when he was 7 and has very strong memories of that time. One of my nieces went to Japan when she was 5 and has strong memories.

I think much depends on the child, but obviously I think taking a child that is 5 or older will have a big impact on that child. I am less convinced about taking toddlers, but I suppose even they have experiences that will impact them with travel, although I think mostly they need to be with mom or a parent.

Doubts and nay-sayers are just part of the process in this journey. Opinions are like noses, everyone has them. You just have to sort out what is true for you and what you want and what will work for you and your family.

Both sides of our family were not pleased with our decision, after all we would be far from them for a long time....... but in time they have come around to a certain extent and they have been very supportive. They did not really understand, but they have come to understand the value more as we go. His family joined us here for some travel together which also gave them more of an idea of the wonders we are experiencing.

You can do things (as Mamoo says) that help them remember it and it is really valuable to help prepare them before they go to an area. Part of the joy of travel, especially with kids, is just having the time to be together and explore new places as a family. The 4 year old will probably be more interested in the playgrounds and time together, but you will hardly be able to find a better preschool!

Four is young for such a trip, especially if you try to move too fast or see too many sites without time for play. Much will also depend on the child's personality ( how well do they adapt to change etc) and the family dynamics ( well oiled team, or utter chaos?). Only, you can decide if this is really going to serve your family or not.

There are risks & positive and negative points to every choice one can make. You just have to search your heart, look at your options and decide what you want.

There is no doubt in my mind that our "under 10" has been extremely enriched by our travel and it will remain with her forever. We decided to ignore the negative responses and just went on with our plans because it felt right to us ( even with some doubts and fears).

Since the school is supportive, it seems like your parents fears about that are unfounded. Even in the first two months, the educational value of a trip like this is astounding.

This is just all part of the process. You have time to ponder it, look inside and also give them time to get used to the idea.

This thread reminds me of the book "One Year Off" by David Elliot Cohen - he took his three kids around the world for over a year and then put it in a book. It was the book that put the idea of RTW travel in my head YEARS ago.

Since the book was older, I had wondered how a trip around the world at that age would affect a person's life, so I did a search on google for the kids' names to see if I could find what they are up to (if anything) these days. I found the college essay by the girl, Kara Cohen, and thought it related to how a child can be affected by world travel from a young age. Check it out, I think its good :-)

http://www.serveyourworld.com/articles/320/1/Kara-Cohen...ge-Application-Essay

Wow! I just read it and it's very interesting...

Thanks everyone for your comments and advice. It's given me loads to think about and I'm so happy that this forum is such a great resource, full of like-minded people.

If my children grow up to be like Kara Cohen, I shall be very happy indeed - she's a great advert for taking children travelling.

Best wishes

great essay!

wallop,
as we progress in our plans to travel with our kids (that are a bit older) i know that we will encounter some of the same sentiments as your extended family has voiced.... which is why we are still waiting a bit to tell them. my family is very excited and supportive and know that this is a venture we will be fine with....
it is always hard for family members to accurately articulate what is really eating them about doing something so non-traditional with your family. you know your kids better than anyone and only you as their parents can make the final call. we don't know what lies ahead for us, or for how long we'll be gone for that matter....but for the sake of family harmony we are going to say we will be gone for a few months and then if it extends....we'll deal
i say if you have the opportunity to do something like this, the benefits far outweigh any hardships you may need to overcome. that's what we finally had to say to ourselves...why wouldn't we do this? for our kids, because they are older, there has been constant participation on decisions and their voices have been heard throughout. i know it's a little different bc of the ages, but honestly your children learn more than anything through your example. and your adventurous spirit while dealing with what comes your way will be an amazing lesson for them for LIFE.
follow your heart! it would be way different if one of the parents was being dragged into this....but with you guys being a unified force....the examples you set are endless in their impact on your kids in the long term.
jean luc godard said....
He who jumps into the void, owes
no explanation to those who stand
and watch

peace,
b

I agree with everyone here that you should just do it and not worry about naysayers (even grandparents).

My son is 12 now and he longs to stay home. He thinks we travel too much. I think he's found the one thing he knows he can rebel against that will bug me.

All our trips were shorter trips than yours will be, but we've taken that kid everywhere we wanted to go. At 2-1/2 he went to Tahiti, Bora Bora and Easter Island. It was great for him to be exposed to other languages when he was at that language learning stage. At 4 he went to Eastern Australia, Port Douglas to Melbourne. We made sure to find trains everywhere we went because that was his passion. Plus plenty of playgrounds. At 5, Germany and lots of castles. He drew so many pictures of castles and spaceships and castles blasting into space. At 6, back to Australia, this time a train from Sydney-Adelaide because he still loved trains, then lots of camping and animals from Kangaroo Island to Kakadu. At 8, he explored Rome and the volcanoes of Italy. At 9, I took him to geysers in Iceland and Scottish lochs with monsters and sleeping in a castle. At 10, I dragged him (now kicking and screaming unfortunately) to the Amazon where he told me he hates birds and animals and only wants to play computer games. I still had a great time though, because I did that trip for me.. Then last year, a science fiction convention in Japan, made time for side trips to a Ninja museum plus I brought his cousin for companionship so it went much smoother.

Will he remember all these things? He remembers quite a bit. I have pictures to show him of what we did. Did he enjoy the trips - definitely when he was young, because we always incorporated his interests into our destinations.

Why did i keep going when he finally got turned off by it? Because it's part of who I am. I believe you have to be who you really are and live your life the best way. The essence of what you value is then shared with your children. They learn acceptance of other cultures, love of adventure, etc. Eventually, like mine, they will rebel against some of it. Still, he really has a good outlook on the world because of his travels and that is worth more than lots of the stuff he learned in school.

So go! Have a great trip!

I agree with all the supportive comments that have been made and would add this thought:

You should go when you can, because you never know how long the opportunity will last. If you have the inclination, the money, and the family situation that will let you pursue long-term travel, then go.

You can second guess yourself into paralysis trying to figure our the perfect time to travel with your family. But the perfect time may never come.

I like to remind myself: The perfect is the enemy of the good. If now is good, go.

quote:

Originally posted by CAJ:
The perfect is the enemy of the good.

LOL. Haven't heard that before, but I just read a book that used the same comment stated the other way around: "Good is the enemy of great... few people attain great lives, in large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good life." That was from "Good to Great" by Jim Collins - an excellent management book.

In this case, I'd argue that few families step outside the box and do things like RTW travel. Its just too easy to stay at home.

A "good life" sounds sounds pretty great to me

A good life sounds pretty great to me too! I too feel strongly that you should take your opportunities when you get them. You never know what is around the corner. Here's hoping that we can sort out this RTW trip!

Wow - what a great thread! I'd throw my support in with everyone else: Go!

In many ways, I think under 10's have the most to gain. Our daughter missed a half a year of school - she was five - but it was so inconsequential compared to what she gained during our time away. I'd pull her out of school anytime, at any age, for that kind of experience.

Having done it, and seen the impact on her and our family, I can't imagine denying her that experience. It was, by a very broad margin, the most important thing we have ever done as a family.

And the negativity? I think there comes a time when you decide whose life you're living. I find it's best just to respect the differing opinions of others, and as a result, at some point they come to respect yours.

It's not about remembering the trip. It's about the way your family and the people in it are shaped by the experience of living your life on purpose.

Go! Have the time of your life!

Thanks for the link on Kara Cohen, Brooke! That was one of the only books out there on family RTW world travel ( with a nanny no less! lol) when we took off.


It is also interesting that the mother grew up traveling the world with her own mother and siblings on a tight budget, that inspired her to pass the experience onto her kids.

I have read several things from kids who have had the RTW experience with family and are now grown and each of them was so grateful for the experience and it impacted their lives and choices from that point on. How could it not?

In the comments section of the NY Times article on family travel around the world, several grown kids with the experience wrote in and some families that did it a decade ago, are still raving about the experience.


No doubt about it....in a world where most American kids can not even find European countries on a map....family world travel is a good thing!

I agree totally with what everybody else has said - go for it and live your dreams!

As for the kids not remembering - it doesn't matter. Our brains develop by growing dendrites - connections between cells. Basically, the more connections (dendrites) you have, the "smarter" you are - or the more readily you can see the relationship between ideas and concepts. Dendrites grow as a result of being in stimulating environments - and travel qualifies as a stimulating environment. So - even though your child may not remember the trip, does NOT mean that it hasn't had an effect on her - she has dendrites that she will have for life because of her experiences.

And as far as losing "school" - hogwash! I have been a teacher for 21 years and I'm convinced kids learn way more from travel than in the classroom. Yes, I try to make my classroom interesting and stimulating and all that stuff, but I can't even come close to the experience a kid will get from travel.

My husband and I (both long-time teachers) took our kids (twins) out of school for their third grade year to ride our bikes around the USA and Mexico. One of my boys is quite gifted, so we weren't concerned about him. The other one was just slightly below average - so we were concerned.

However, on a bike ride, there are lots of times when "school" takes a pretty low priority, and that happened quite a lot. We did try to read to the kids on a fairly regular basis, but there were plenty of times when we finished reading our books and couldn't find any kids books so we didn't read at all. We had the kids write journal entries every once in a while. And we took advantage of educational opportunities at national and state parks. But mostly - we just let Mother Nature be their teacher.

And you know what? Now that Davy is back in school in fourth grade, he is in the top third of his class! So - we basically didn't "school" him at all for a year, but encouraged him to learn from his surroundings - and he ended up being a much stronger student when he came back home.

In other words - don't worry. Just go and enjoy yourself.

Just wanted to throw in my two cents with everyone else's. My two kids were 6 & 8 when we took a year off and "homeschooled" them during our RTW trip. Our version of homeschooling was lots of reading (on planes, trains and automobiles), doing math on the beach (sorting shells and scratching sums in the sand) and pleanty of field trips to way cool places (Angkor Wat, pyramids, Himalayas). How can anyone say that kids are going to miss out on an education with those kinds of experiences?

When we came back, the kids were starting in a new school and there was a bit of a transition period (as with any kids changing schools). A lot of the other kids thought ours were making things up when they talked about their travel experiences. Finally, my kids each did a slideshow presentation to their classes about the trip and the other kids couldn't get enough! Everyone wanted to be their new best friends. Since then, it has been smooth sailing. They are not one bit behind their peers and are thriving in their new school.

I totally agree with the importance of talking about the trip in order to reinforce the memories. Putting together my kids' slideshows with them was a fun experience as we got to relive the experiences and talking about it with their peers made it even better.

Don't let anyone tell you your kids won't be positively affected by travel. The worldwide classroom has no equal.