BootsnAll Travel Community

Me and my wife are at that wonderful age (early 30's)where we need to decide to have kids or not. One of my favorite comedians Mike Birbiglia hit the nail on the head when he said "I only want to have kids when I know nothing else good could happen in my life". I sort of feel that way. My wife on the other hand has that "ticking clock" thing going and really wants to have kids very soon. My biggest fear besides the health of the child is that I'll have to stop travelling. I like to travel about 10 weeks a year, most of which is hiking to some pretty cool places far away from home for a few weeks at a time. I guess my question is: Does anyone here travel for pleasure without their kids? Or do you prefer to travel with your kids? Does travelling pretty much stop for the first couple years until the kid can walk and talk? Lastly,( please don't be offended by this last taboo question): If you could go back to the decision where we are at now knowing what you know now about raising kids, would you choose not to have kids? The only person I asked that answered "yes" to this (I've asked many) was someone who did extensive travelling all over the world before having kids. Thanks for your honesty.

I've always traveled, hiked, etc and continue to do so, both with and without the kids (I have two, both unplanned, ages 5 and 7). We took the first kid on a two-month trip, which included 12 hour plane flights, etc, when she was 3 months old and the second kid on a similar trip when he was 4 months old. We currently live overseas and they think of it as an adventure. Both kids have nearly full passports, are fluent in two languages and working on a third, and love traveling, hiking, camping, etc.

Kids will only change your life if you use them as an excuse to change. I am admittedly a pretty selfish asshole at times, yet I have zero regrets. Also, the kids have made some of the things that I thought of as routine/boring to be fun again since it is new for them (its one of those things you'll never really understand until its your own kid).

Having said that, I occasionally need to escape for something a little more hard core or high altitude, so I ditch the whole family. Luckily, my wife understands and lets me (at least I think she understands). Good luck.

Thanks for that awesome reply. I'll show it to my wife. What's the longest you've been away from the family on a vacation?

Thus far having a child has not hindered our travel. In reality we have actually traveled more in the past year. My daughter is just over 1 year old and she has already traveled to 10 different countries. Before any comments, I know that she is not going to remember any of it. Though my wife and I have enjoyed traveling with her.

The longest that we ahve traveled with her has been about 4 or 5 weeks at a time. The one thing is the type of travel has changed. Where we use to be able to just pull over and sleep anywhere, we have to think a little more of location and eating time (which my wife is happy about). As for flights, no problem. She has flown around europe with no problems and from the states to Europe and back.

This year we are expecting our second child in March and planning our around the world trip through Asia, Australia and the states.

As of yet, we have not really traveled with out her. Only one weekend away. So that is a major difference from before. Looking at the positives and the negitives, the positives far out weigh the other.

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Originally posted by poochythedog: What's the longest you've been away from the family on a vacation?

The longest VACATION without them was only a week, but I've spent significantly longer stints away for work several times. Sometimes the family goes with, sometimes not (depending if its a locale the wife wants to visit or not). The longest without was when she was pregnant with No 2. I took a gig in Honduras that was supposed to be 4 months, but it ended up being a year. I'd fly home once a month and stay for a week (SF at that time). After No 2 was old enough to travel (4 months), they'd meet me somewhere in Latin America instead.

Hmmm, it doesn't sound like you are ready for the comittment that being a father entails.I think every child deserves 2 parents who are willing to be fully devoted and attached to them. When you are fully attached and in love with your child,you don't WANT to be a way from them,but realize that you have the greatest gift on the planet ( pure love) in your arms and want to enjoy every second of those fast moving years.

Just the fact that you are thinking like you are thinking and enjoying that quote says to me that you are not ready.Nothing wrong with that ,better to be honest with yourself and your partner than to bring a child into this world that you are not fully committed to.Yes,they might be born with a disease and you might never travel again,but most are born healthy and most people travel with their kids and enjoy it very much.Once you have a child ,your life is less about you and more about giving to the next generation so that they may be so enriched that you support many ,many generations to come.

No hike or travel in the world will ever compare to the miracle of a child.When you feel that baby growing in your wife's belly from your seed and hold that angel in your arms,you will see that you would gladly cut off an arm for that child let alone give up a hike.

No you do not have to give up travel and personally we have found some of our best travel in our long lives have been that which we have done together as a family.Our pleasure is being with our child and together as a family,so we just take our child with us where ever we go.It is easier with one than more than one,but some do it with a very large family.She was barely 2 weeks old when we took our first trip and she stayed in her first hotel snuggled in bed between the two of us.

Have you heard that "everything changes when you have a child" ? It is true.Your perspective changes too and I am not sure anyone is ever fully ready for the awesome responsibility.But I would be careful of having children just because of a ticking clock when you are not ready.

I love freedom ,so I had my own fears about having a child and how that especially impacts a mother.I can honestly say that having a child was the best decision we ever made and has brought us more joy than anything else ever has.You really can not know what the experience is until you do it and live it.

A father often misses so much of his childs life due to needing to make money,why would you ever want to spend 10 extra weeks away from your love made manifest??? Let alone your poor wife who will need your support and coparenting help as it helps to play tag team with a young babies endless needs.Do you realize how much time that is in an infants life? Most attached dads look for ways they can spend more time with their infants and children,not to miss the joy ,play and aliveness that the purity of childhood brings and touches all those willing to be touched.If you bond well with your child ( by spending quality AND quantity time with them) thru the pregnancy and early days and years,you really won't want to be away from him or her...even when it is hard and sometimes parenting is hard.Kids are not something that you just pop out and pay for,put in day care and school so you can ignore them ...they need constant attention ( food ,laundry,education etc) and love and they reward you back like nothing else.

Your traveling will be different once you have a child ,everything will be different ,including your perspective.But I think you will find it more rewarding than anything else you have experienced thus far.

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When you are fully attached and in love with your child,you don't WANT to be a way from them,but realize that you have the greatest gift on the planet ( pure love) in your arms and want to enjoy every second of those fast moving years.

I'm willing to bet your kid is still young. I wonder if you'll feel that way when he/she is 15 and gets busted for smoking pot in gym class I'm kidding. Seriously, thanks for the kind words. I know my whole perspective will change. I just feel having kids on purpose is somewhat selfish, considering the world's problems with overpopulation, pollution,etc.
I once was hiking in Iceland with my uncle (who doesn't have children) and asked what he thought about having kids given my concerns about the negative impact it would have on the world. He said, "Go for it. The world's going down the shitter whether you have kids or not." I thought that was pretty insightful. When I came back from that trip, I was ready to have kids.

poochythedog, I admire your honesty. I don't see anything selfish in wondering about adding to the world's population or admitting that you have fears about how your life will change.

I don't think there is a parent in the world who didn't say "this baby won't change my life..." before they had kids. And I don't think there is a parent in the world who could say that having kids didn't change their life, after they had them of course. Having kids changes your life - it just does and it would be bizarre to say otherwise.

I find it interesting to read the comments above. The replies from men on this topic tend to be a little different to what women have to say. I think a mother's life changes more. That may not necessarily be a good (or fair) thing, but it is generally true. There is no doubt that, for the first few years of their lives, the practical needs of children are greater and your time is not your own in the way it was before. For the later years, I believe the emotional needs of children are greater. It would be very difficult to find a parent in the world who would say that they regretted having children. When you have them, you'll know what I mean - you may miss some of your former freedom but you will love your children so fiercely you won't be able to imagine what you ever did without them.

Having said all of that, there is no need for you to give up your travelling and, as you will read in the travel forums, travelling with children can be a very rewarding experience for you, and your children will be always grateful to you for introducing them to the world.

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I agree with WT, it does sounds as if you are not quite ready. I also agree with rmeg, that things change far more for a woman. So I'm hoping that you and your wife keep up some really good communication!! I'm a mother of two. The first is 9 and the second 6 months. My husband was not ready to be a father first time round, and although he loved our daughter madly, he still ultimately saw her and 'family life' as a thing that was encroaching upon 'his' time and freedom. That is really tough for a family to cope with! The second time round, he's 'grown into' it. We are off to Morocco shortly and he finds looking after the baby a breeze compared to the first time round, because his attitude is different. I suppose I'm trying to say, that although the love will be there, that may not be enough - your attitude to life does not automatically change too.

I am sure that it's impossible to find a parent who regrets having kids. Even when they're fifteen!

As far as the 'burden on the planet' argument goes - the world is indeed going down the shitter. It needs caring people around to do their bit. Ie conscious caring people need to have kids!!

Technically, travelling does become a bit more difficult. I've had to take a lot more care about living conditions and comfort than I used to. But that has its own charm. And it's worth it.