BootsnAll Travel Community

RE: http://www.bootsnall.com/articles/05-06/twins-hunza-valley-pakistan.html


I hope that you said good bye and thank you, that was a little strange.

I like the way that you're not afraid of meeting new people- but then I think sometimes right in the middle of it, you don't know what to do or what it means.

Forced ending. What do you really feel? Why the fear to write it down? It would look better than a forced, disjointed ending.

This article reminds me of you.

It seemed like an honest article.The ending ....hmmmm... maybe the writer could not take it anymore (the pain of the kids) and she really had to turn and run away. Different people behave differently. How would I have reacted I wonder?

"he" had to turn and run away,not she.

(Should I have just left that one alone? hee hee)

I agree the ending comes on fast, but I don't think he should explain how he felt. You can see how he felt. Show, don't tell and all that. Maybe a few more details would help, though.

Storytelling usually loses its impact when the writer stops and gives a monologue on his "feelings." Especially in a story like this. A interjection of feelings and/or opinion has to fit into the overall flow and style of the story. It can't be condescending. It can't be obvious. It can't be repetitive. It doesn't fit at all here because the story is all physical details. Facts. He shows pretty well.