BootsnAll Travel Community

I'm English, by the way. Please allow me to explain: when folk hear about my extensive travels they usually asked all boggled-eyed about which is the most interesting country that I have visited, I firmly reply, "England." I am not being glib nor clever when I state that my indigenous country is the most intersting for me. When, I stared travelling 15 years ago, I would return home relatively unscathed. I would join my friends as if nothing had ever happened except bragaddacio rights in destinations exotica. Perhaps this is an age thing because 15 years ago I was in twenties. Anyhow, as my traveling progressed the severance between me and and mainstream society was compounded. Chicken and the egg? Was the oddness in me that which had propelled me to flee "the precious stone set in a silvery sea" aka as England in the first place, or my unique experiences and way of living-reading, writing, thinking, experiencing had fundamentally changed me into somewhat of a misfit. Okay, a likeable misfit but one all the same...ahem!
Things came to a head when I went back to do my Masters degree in England after ten years on the road. I was hit by culture shock: I would increduously watch people lining up at the bank, or talking about the soaps...nothing made sense, I was out of synch with my home society. Old friends appeared to me to have had a personality and intellectual lobotomy: we had nothing to talk about. People would ask me if I was English...different body language? Who knows, but, I heaved a mighty sigh of relief when I left Blighty.
After a certain time of travelling [if done correctly] one cannot go home again, as Faulkner [I think]said, "you cannot go home again, it only exists in the mothballs of your memory."
Sometime, to be brutally frank, there are times that I wish that I had never set foot out of my bloody country. Most of the time, however, I think I must be one of the luckiest people alive. The last fifteen years have at times been very tough, but they have never been boring. Personally, I would prefer a challenging life to a predictable if very comfortable one. Each to their own, eh?

I like what you wrote

But I have to disagree with some of it. I do believe you can go home again, only it's up to the individual to find their new place in their old world. I did it myself a few years back.

BTW, I agree that England is fascinating

I'm not so sure about being able to go home. I think I agree with Korky - I've been away from 'Home' for six years now and every time I visit, it seems less and less like home. I've tried staying for a bit, and nothing makes sense anymore. I don't like it at all. It's almost like being in a copy of home, where your friends are actors and the landscape is a cheap copy, because lots of the buildings have been knocked down and replaced. The icing on the cake is when people give you attitude because they're jealous of your travels.

Maybe it's different for some people? Anyone have a different experience? Libby, why do you feel differently?

I agree with Mark here, I'm english & over the years have tried really hard to fit back in to english society after travelling or working overseas, Ive tried a couple of times but I have realised I was doing it just to please family & friends.

I've tried living all over..north/south/midlands...however was constantly booking trips to get the hell out of there every chance I got. I was the weirdo in the pub who didnt want to talk about renovating houses or the new flash car or who's shagging who...my head was just full of places I'd been, where I'd like to go next & what if I just left & found a new place to live, where I may get some decent (or at least different) conversation....england was grinding me down: the weather, the cost, the lack of initiative & self respect in the average person & the obsession for claiming benefits, wearing nylon football shirts, getting pissed & fighting when the pubs shut...

Eventually I just went: sold up & left England just under a year ago & first stop a job in Italy for a couple of years & I really feel like me again.... as for the future I've got a visa to migrate to Australia so that should keep me happy for a few more years, after that who knows...? but one things for sure I won't be returning to England....Ive spent far too long on that "precious stone set in a silvery sea".... If I live to 70, I'm half way through my life & don't want to waste anymore of it there....

I understand why people from the US/Canada/Aus etc like to visit because of the history & there is some beautiful countryside but for me I'm afraid its part of my past.....or at least just a place for a short visit.

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I was the weirdo in the pub who didnt want to talk about renovating houses or the new flash car or who's shagging who...my head was just full of places I'd been, where I'd like to go next & what if I just left & found a new place to live, where I may get some decent (or at least different) conversation...

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Oh shit. THAT resonates.

Oh shit.

Mines a short reply - I could go back to England, some day, but not London. Lived in London most of my life, but after travelling, I don't know, there's more to life than busting your arse to get to work that takes an hour at least to get there and then another hour to get back... I don't know, just venting.. But its great otherwise, hence I might live near the sea instead...

Hallelujah, brothers and sisters, but allow me to clarify, England is a symbol, right? A power logo...NIKE...ouch! We are talking inner core psyche in our formative years...the ones we have to face or continue to run and avoid ourselves...dig? Who knows?

I can't really explain it, but I treated returning home just like I would a place I was visiting. I try to fit in as best I can and make myself comfortable.

I might not hang with the same group of friends or do any of the things I did when I lived here before, but that's by choice.

Snazzy, I did the opposite....after being out of the UK for 2 years I found London was the only place in England I could handle, cos its the most cosmopolitan place & its full of foreigners anyway. I live there for a few years then the travel, cost & pub opening hours got to me, so I moved elsewhere...that was when I realised I couldnt stay anymore...

...I don't know, maybe Brighton ? ...but the weather is still shit wherever....

I suppose England is a symbol & a big part of me & want to think of it fondly...I just don't wanna live there anymore.

On a positve note I miss: Monty Python, Vic & Bob, Peter Kay & being in a pub when beckham puts a free kick in from 30 yards.....& a decent chicken bhuna, but thats about it...

Stiv, you hit the nail on the head with your comment about conversations at the pub. It's hard to get back into that big materialistic/local thing when you've been somewhere it is different, and have other things on your mind. I have a friend who's stressing about his job, and his doctor has told him he has to take measures to destress to prevent further damage to his health. I don't want to be like that anymore/ever again. I've done the warp speed career thing, and it's over.

Charles Dickens:"Travel is flight and pursuit at the same time." Complicates or clarifies? To be conservative, 99% of out character is formed by time we are seven...the age of [un]reason? We are born empty vessels with a few strands of dna which give us certain predilections and inclinations, but ultimately, by the time we are in a mental and independent position to escape, we are irrevocably trapped. The only option open to us is physical escape - a place free of the emotional and dysfunctionality of home. There again, we never truly escape because the programming in our childhood is insidiously pervasive. Is it coincidental that most travellers come from trauma? Their inabilty to deal with it or be in denial about it condemns them to continue to travel. Acceptance of the trauma means the individual no longer wants to go back, but is that satisfactory because at the end of the day we are all human who need love and acceptance from those most important - the main players in the trauma...thereby is this just another avoidance tactic? Damned if we do, damned if we don't. Be brutally honest here with yourself. Humans, eh?

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Originally posted by korky:
Is it coincidental that most travellers come from trauma? Their inabilty to deal with it or be in denial about it condemns them to continue to travel.

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...uuh that strikes a chord !

Life in england was pissing me off no doubt, but the one thing that finally made my decision was a traumatic marriage break up, which finally gave me the push. When people around me (those tossers in the pub)learned of my plans they said... 'youre just running away' 'you need to stay here & face it' 'this is where you belong' ...well bollocks to that! ...this just made me even more sure of my decision...

These so called friends couldnt understand me choosing an uncertain future of relative solitude, surrounded by unfamiliar people & places....well if escapism is bad...then I'm bad !

& just out of interest my bad day today involved breakfast in milan & lunch in a village in the italian alps...oh how I miss that dreary fine rain & eastenders omnibus...ha !

This is a great thread, and I love the title.

Just my two USA cents.

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Originally posted by stiv: I was the weirdo in the pub who didnt want to talk about renovating houses or the new flash car or who's shagging who...

Thing is, I think you get those type of people and those type of conversations all over the world, at least all over Europe and the US. Isn't it more about just choosing how to live? And I honestly believe you can do that anywhere. I know some people here who are all stressed out about making money and building a house. And I knew people like that in Los Angelese too. And I'm sure they exist in India too. Maybe the percentage of people in that mode is a little higher in one country compared to another, but it still exists everywhere. I think you can choose to drop out of that rat race and live a more simple, honest and free life anywhere because it's all in your head. Of course, the change of place can make it easier because you pull yourself out of one situation and it's easier to really start over. But in the end, you take your past and all that stuff with you anyhow, so at some point you've got to do some big time house cleaning up there, get rid of all the dusty shit clogging up your brain. I left too, and I remember feeling like I just had to, like I was suffocating. And I'd do it again anytime. I know I made the right choice. But the really tough, hard work came about a year later when everyday life started again (because you've got everyday life everywhere) and I had to start doing the mental hygiene. And that hurts. But that's the most important part. At least it was in my journey so far.

PS I've never lived in the UK, but I think this is a pretty universal topic so I just posted my two cents worth anyways.

I agree with both Stiv and Elis. After a RTW trip we landed in KL and lasted 6 months and are now in Thailand where BF has job. After KL and extensive talks (ha ha, a bit of a chat) I could've gone home then quite easily. Now I live near the beach, even if it isn't a great one, have no stress - apart from can I be bothered to go to the gym down the road - which sounds great, but living it? I need to work. Which I can't do here unless I fancy being a bargirl (at 35 I don't think so), I can't be a holidaymaker all the time. I sound strange but its something that really pees me off. Gis a job! Sorry just venting again.

Anyway after venting, getting away from London was the best thing ever, but....

I love this thread, I substitute GB for England, having lived in England, Wales & Ireland. Numerous trips to Scotland help me complete my mental images of this great country. Which i sadly changing for the worse.

Well I have been living in Hong Kong for the last 15 years or so, and the annual trip back to the UK these days is to catch up with me brother and his family, and me Dad. Last summer we took a fortnight in the Scottish highlands which was amazing but that is about it.

As with others above, I love to go into a pub and have a few, watch and listen to English accents on the TV (good British ads are the best!) but listening to the moaning and seeing the drabness of city life....err no thanks.

I still have plenty of friends still going down to the same pub, and effectively still having the same conversations (Beckham from 30 yds etc.). I have lived all over the UK, and a fair few other parts of the world - a benefit of being a miltary brat - but for me, England and UK is a fantastic place to visit - see the highlights, and then git the heck out of dodge!!

I should also perhaps add that I am a card carrying British (Euro these days) passport holder, so not sure what that makes me!!

My HK$0.02 worth!!!

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Originally posted by Alberto Eggplant:
I still have plenty of friends still going down to the same pub, and effectively still having the same conversations (Beckham from 30 yds etc.).

...my British patriotism now comes down to watching England playing football & cricket & Ive realised its more fun when living overseas... if you can find a bar with the game on the TV then you get a few hours of contact with your countrymen...if we win, its fantastic...if we lose you walk out the door where no one cares & you forget about it (usually the case with England)...

Anyway...the next England game vs Wales, Sept 3rd...I'll be in Venice for the day...anyone know of a bar where it will be on...?

ps. Italians have never heard of cricket, so I have to make do with online reports...

Everytime I return to where I grew up the gap seems to get wider. I have lived in many places and I left "home" when I was in my teens to study in London. Home was very provincial and it seems that people who remain in such places change in other ways than people who keep moving around, and maybe the change is so much smaller. They see me as the person who left way back in the beginning and now 30 years and more have passed. But if I return it's as if time has stood still. It is possible to find people in the same place doing the same things as they di long long ago. It seems impossible to relate to anyone who is still there and now with all my family gone and with sons in Brighton it is probable that I will never return. We become the sum of our experiences and maybe that explains this. It's a little sad but I have no energy to bridge the great divide between myself and those that I left behind.

Sometimes you have to go home.

At 42 I returned to my parents house to take care of my sick mother. I live in a town of 70,000 that feels more like 700. All travel has been cancelled indefinitely, and life has moved back 30 years. Everything except me.

The conversations are the same. My friends have become thier parents. The habits that everyone swore they would never pick up, they have. It seems that you could change everone's clothes and put them in any era.

But not me. That is what others tell me. The people I hang out with now are people who moved here after I left. The conversations are similar, but different enough to be interesting. These outsiders don't look sideways at me because I strayed from the path - they don't know any better. And they are outsiders so we have a bond.

The road is different for everyone, and you don't always get to choose which turn you will take, but it's still full of simularities. For me, the fun is looking at the scenery.