BootsnAll Travel Community

OK, this is a bit of an off-the-wall question, but I am wondering if any of my fellow female travelers over 30 still are able to hit it off with the guys while you are traveling. I have to admit some of the fondest memories of my travels in Europe when I was in my 20s was the ability to meet men without all of the bullsh!t attached. This also happened to a lesser extent in Nepal. I have never been very pretty, but just by hanging out in a particular place(public squares, coffee bars, etc.) I often found men would approach me(I'm talking locals, but also fellow travelers). I am wondering if this will still be the case since I am nearing 40 - I've often been told I look like I'm in my 20s, if it makes any difference(clean living ). I have to admit I envy all of the stories of over-40 Western guys going to Thailand and other places, marrying local girls and settling down there. It doesn't seem so easy for women, though I have heard a few stories of (younger?) Western women marrying local guys and staying in Asia. And, yes, I have read and seen "How Stella Got Her Groove Back"...

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Originally posted by hawaiiansnowlion:
OK, this is a bit of an off-the-wall question, but I am wondering if any of my fellow female travelers over 30 still are able to hit it off with the guys while you are traveling.

The short answer is YES!

I started traveling alone when I was 26 -- did a year-long RTW when I was 38-39, 2 weeks in Mexico for my 40th birthday, and two months in SA at 41. On all my trips, I had no shortage of attention.

I'm a shy and insecure person, too, and usually only think of myself as okay-looking. I don't tend to attract many men in my daily life, and I've often been lonely. One of the many benefits of travel for me, too, has been how much more attention I've received from men when traveling than I did when I was back in the States (and I mean substantive attention, not just catcalls and the like).

I think this has a lot to do with how different *I* am when I'm traveling. I'm excited by everything I'm seeing and experiencing, and I'm sure that gives me a glow and brings me out of my shell. Also, I usually have a lot to talk about with any male travelers I meet, and I know it, so that automatically puts me at ease (well, with solo male travelers -- I'm still shy with groups).

Now, you didn't ask about the wisdom -- or lack thereof -- of fooling around with locals, so I'll restrain myself from lecturing. However, in my opinion -- and, I'm ashamed to admit, in my experience -- this is almost always a bad idea. It presents a host of thorny problems, and some ethical dilemmas as well.

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Originally posted by mini manta:

The short answer is YES!

Glad to hear it!

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I think this has a lot to do with how different *I* am when I'm traveling. I'm excited by everything I'm seeing and experiencing, and I'm sure that gives me a glow and brings me out of my shell. Also, I usually have a lot to talk about with any male travelers I meet, and I know it, so that automatically puts me at ease (well, with solo male travelers -- I'm still shy with groups).

I've found this definitely to be the case with me as well. I'm having more fun while traveling, no work stress, time pressures, etc, so I'm sure I seem more attractive than usual, and seeing a fellow traveler is an automatic ice-breaker - you usually don't need an excuse to approach the other person.

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Now, you didn't ask about the wisdom -- or lack thereof -- of fooling around with locals, so I'll restrain myself from lecturing. However, in my opinion -- and, I'm ashamed to admit, in my experience -- this is almost always a bad idea. It presents a host of thorny problems, and some ethical dilemmas as well.

Yes, I would admit I would have to agree, with some reservations. I doubt that I would be as willing to 'fool around' with locals as I did when I was in my 20s -I'll admit giving up alcohol has something to do with this) - though if I were staying for a longer time in a place I would definitely consider it - not on the first meeting though! I guess this is because I am a language buff and I have found through experience that the best way of learning a language is to be going out with someone who speaks that language - I don't think my Italian would be quite as good if I hadn't had a few Italian boyfriends along the way...

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I guess this is because I am a language buff and I have found through experience that the best way of learning a language is to be going out with someone who speaks that language - I don't think my Italian would be quite as good if I hadn't had a few Italian boyfriends along the way...

OK, I don't think the "no-locals" advice applies as much in Europe, or any place where the culture or standard of living is similar to what you'd find in the U.S. (and, yeah, those dalliances can be a *heck* of a lot of fun).

However, where there's a big disparity in culture *and/or* standard of living between you and the local men -- best to resist temptation there, or tread *very* carefully.

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However, where there's a big disparity in culture *and/or* standard of living between you and the local men -- best to resist temptation there, or tread *very* carefully.

Wise words. There's a certain - how do you put it? - peculiarity to the number of good looking young men dating older women who are visiting in Senegal, Gambia, Algeria, Tunisia and many other places. Young men from not so rich families suddenly declaring their love to some german or french woman who's on holiday. Avoid that. It's rather disgusting.

I have experienced plenty of attention from men while travelling as well. Last year, while in Europe I got 2 marriage proposals and one very obvious proposition. I'm 42. Most people think I'm in my "late 20's". Plenty of younger men prefer older women or don't even care about the age thing at all. And then of course there are the guys who are closer in age and are attracted as well.

And I totally agree, when you are open and ready for the adventures and experiences that travel can bring, that makes you even more attractive!

I don't see any difference morally in getting together with a European or African or Asian or for that matter any continent. A disparity of wealth is irrelevant aswell.My partner is from a poor African family and in comparison I have been brought up with more luxuries. But that does not make us incompatable or cause any problems. As long as you have genuine feelings for the local person then don't have any qualms about persuing the relationship.

Well, I am 48 and so far I have been offered the keys to an apartment here in Hurghada and a personal escort around Egypt. I have conveniently dodged that offer.

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Originally posted by hawaiiansnowlion:
fellow female travelers over 30 still are able to hit it off with the guys while you are traveling.

i have always found it easier to talk to folks (men and women) when i am unfettered by my normal routine and comforts and i have the freedom and attitude the road gives me. i've always foudn folks to pal around with. i have zero interest in talking to immature alcoholics whether here or traveling so i dont hang out in a common room of a hostel getting drunk with them (actually, scratch that, i did just taht thing for 4 nights in 04 in kitty hawk, nc) nonetheless, i generally approach folks wtha more open attitude when traveling, so, i think your attitude is everythingo

couchsurfing.com really helped a lot to meet many many friends, and I have to say most are male friends. Although most are younger than my age (mid-late 20's), that really doesn't bother me. I'll do whatever and go with the flow with whoever I meet. It seems as if you have the best time when there's no romance involved though. Concentrate on having fun, and not meeting men, and next thing you know there will be tons of men you can hang out and spend time with.

Western women marrying Asian men... That does not happen very often but in my personal opinion and experience, stereotyping plays a lot of role on this. I will be brutally honest on this one... You get to hear people saying "Asian women are good in bed, Asian women really take good care of their men, Asian women are easy, you can walk all over them" and all that nonsense that somehow drives men to think they are worth trying. But Asian men? "Asian men treat their women like shit, Asian men have small 'thing,' Asian men are wusses" and hardley any positive reputations that makes them far less than desirable. But if you are an open minded person, would you care about all these nonsense? Would you care about if anyone else is doing it? Probably not.

Go on! Do not hesitate. Jump in and find it out yourself!

Nic

OK, getting back to this forum after a while, nice to see this thread is still around...

I answered my own question, and the answer is...

YES!!!

Just for the record...

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Originally posted by Destiny:

Western women marrying Asian men... That does not happen very often but in my personal opinion and experience, stereotyping plays a lot of role on this. I will be brutally honest on this one... You get to hear people saying "Asian women are good in bed, Asian women really take good care of their men, Asian women are easy, you can walk all over them" and all that nonsense that somehow drives men to think they are worth trying. But Asian men? "Asian men treat their women like shit, Asian men have small 'thing,' Asian men are wusses" and hardley any positive reputations that makes them far less than desirable. But if you are an open minded person, would you care about all these nonsense? Would you care about if anyone else is doing it? Probably not.

Go on! Do not hesitate. Jump in and find it out yourself!

Nic

I think there is a big difference between East/Southeast Asia and South Asia here - I've seen lots of the stereotypical East Asian woman/western man couples, but more South Asian man/western woman couples than the other way around - anybody else notice this?

As for your last bit of advice: you're preaching to the choir, sister! The first guy I dated in HS(and kissed) was Cambodian - haven't looked back since then...

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Originally posted by matengu:
I don't see any difference morally in getting together with a European or African or Asian or for that matter any continent. A disparity of wealth is irrelevant aswell.My partner is from a poor African family and in comparison I have been brought up with more luxuries. But that does not make us incompatable or cause any problems. As long as you have genuine feelings for the local person then don't have any qualms about persuing the relationship.

This is good to hear - I'd be interested in hearing about your experiences - did you meet him while traveling in his home country?

Actually it is a her and I am a man I was working in Botswana as a school teacher and my partner worked in an education centre where I was attending a workshop that is how we met. I find that the difference in cultures is ever entertaining and our mixed race bilingual daughter is extremely clever and beautiful.

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Originally posted by Zopa:
i have always found it easier to talk to folks (men and women) when i am unfettered by my normal routine and comforts and i have the freedom and attitude the road gives me.

yes i agree. I have a far greater tendency to meet men when I am travelling/on holiday/away from my normal routine, than when I am stuck in the regular work-life rhythm....its not because I am approached while sitting in a public place though, its all about my own attitude - I think the more awake, more interested, more enthusiastic self I project probably is more attractive than the slightly world weary me that emerges from the office every evening!

I would have to say, women who travel are just more attractive. They are more natural, less time in front of mirrors, less in "accessaries", they tend to be more tolerant, and let's face it, just not as high mantenaince as their "stuck in a rut" counterparts. I had the most amazing affair in Italy, a younger man (I was 45 at the time). I had no delusions of the relationship, just a grand couple days in Cinque Terra.
I then hooked with a few folks, (American) traveling around aimlessly, like myself and are friends still, 7 years later.
When it comes down to it, you will meet more people like yourself while traveling, all is stripped away except your ultimate desire to be where you are at that moment with those who are experiencing the same.
The hardest part for me was finding someone who travels like I do. I did, married last year at 52 and share a new destination each year with the man I couldn't have dreamt up any better!!

I don't understand the angst about being 30 plus and able to "hit it off" with men. Are you going on holiday to go on holiday, or to pick up blokes? Does it matter if you don't get a fellow?


Have a nice day, Whistler.


If you can keep a sense of humour and see the funny side of life, you will never be old. SMC

hawaiiansnowlion I think my post came across the wrong way. What I meant was you're going on holiday and you will feel carefree and relaxed. People always seem in a better "frame of mind" when on holiday and this shows.

A bit of "romance" will probably come upon you when you least expect it.

Have a wonderful time and lots of happy memories.

Cheers.

Have a nice day, Whistler.

If you can keep a sense of humour and see the funny side of life, you will never be old. SMC