Forced to do something?

So how does this work? What if you're just not up to do or eat something? If you say no and you're forced isn't that really just disrespectful of that person in that culture. I assume many travelers are just so open to new experience that they just say Yes not even thinking twice about this. But if someone is really forcing you to try something and you don't want to, what do you do? I'm sure there's a huge discussion that we're all having internally about travel and the mark we leave on other people and their culture. But shouldn't they be respecting us just the same?

I've never traveled solo internationally so I don't know these things. But what have been your experiences? And what do you all think? I'd like to be educated on this a little.

So I thought I had left a pretty thorough and sincere post. Is there a reason it was deleted?

There are numerous threads on vegetarian and vegan travel that will help.

I had also mentioned that the current topic indicates something more serious than diet, and I originally expected a topic on sexual or other physical assault. So "Forced to eat something?" or something along those lines would be more clear.

Several of my other posts disappeared, so I'm going to assume BootsnAll had a minor meltdown.

The gist of what I said was, you need to try and be more like that quote in your signature.

I've never been "forced" to eat anything I didn't want to eat. I'm a very, very picky eater, but I still try and eat a bite of a dish that's offered to me. If it doesn't sit well, I smile politely and firmly decline. Most people are happy that you tried something they suggested, even if you don't end up liking it.

If I didn't at least try new dishes, then a) what's the point in traveling/expanding your horizons, as you're probably reserved in other ways as well and b) I would have never broadened my diet beyond the microwave and boxed dinners that used to be all I ever ate.

But I have my limits, too. I haven't been able to bring myself to eat an insect. Maybe in the future I'll be able to climb that mountain. But I've also never had anyone hold me down and force me to swallow a cricket.

As for whether or not "they" should be respecting "us" just the same, you're not entitled to squat. You're a guest and/or traveler through their country. If you don't want to engage in their culture or try something they suggest, they are perfectly within their rights to be disappointed. Just by interacting with you someone is giving you more than you're entitled to. You can refuse, and if they're crossing the line into rudeness you can leave or otherwise remove yourself from their company, but no one owes you a thing.

Obviously, smiling and being polite can go a long way. Which is why I suggested doing a search for vegetarian and vegan threads, as people who don't eat meat often have to deal with overbearing individuals who don't understand their dietary restrictions even within their home countries. I've seen people suggest everything from trying a bite (even if it's meat) just to be polite to pretending you're allergic.

Here's another thing - in the places where you see a lot of tourists, you aren't going to have any locals really very interested in you or concerned with you for anything outside of trying to sell you things. In places where there are few tourists, at the worst the people will just be curious about what you do or don't do, eat or don't eat. What could they possibly gain from "forcing" anything on you?

There is nothing legitimate that a smile and a polite decline won't cure. If somebody is persistent or strong about something, flags should be going up in your head.

Yeah... the boards here at Bootsnall have been really screwy lately. I'm actually pretty disappointed in the fact that my post was deleted because I had seen yours and responded to it already with something pretty lengthy. Now I don't feel like responding again...

But I guess the gist of what I was trying to say was that I firmly believe and live by the quote in my signature. I'm not asking this question to use the answers as an excuse to say "No" to everything when I'm traveling. It's not even really a personal question. I was just curious because I hear all the time about how people say yes to a lot of things and I have to wonder if some of these people just don't have a backbone and give in to any sort of pressure. Doesn't only go for food. I'm talking about people pushing products on you in a market or something. I know how to be polite and say No when I'm not interested in something. And even though I'm a vegetarian at home, my beliefs are pragmatic in that I won't deny meat if it's offered while I'm abroad. I'll always try something new, especially insects!

There was one occasion in Hawaii where I was walking through a market and a woman was sampling a bit of a smoothie she made. I politely said, "No, thank you," but she then began demanding that I try it, raising her voice and everything. So I tried it and it was obviously tasty. She begins to serve me a large cup of it and telling me to buy some. Now I was annoyed but I smiled and politely said, "No, thank you. It was good, but I'm not interested." She started muttering obscenities under her voice and I walked away.

DavidAM wrote:There was one occasion in Hawaii where I was walking through a market and a woman was sampling a bit of a smoothie she made. I politely said, "No, thank you," but she then began demanding that I try it, raising her voice and everything. So I tried it and it was obviously tasty. She begins to serve me a large cup of it and telling me to buy some. Now I was annoyed but I smiled and politely said, "No, thank you. It was good, but I'm not interested." She started muttering obscenities under her voice and I walked away.

Exactly - crazy people don't count. A smile and a decisive "no" will take care of you all over the world whenever you're dealing with a normal, rational person with no ulterior motives. Being "forced" to do something is a non-issue, so don't worry.

DavidAM wrote: I have to wonder if some of these people just don't have a backbone and give in to any sort of pressure.

No, it's just sort of the point of travel, isn't it?! Nobody travels the world just to keep everything the same. And if they do they go to all inclusive resorts staffed with people who speak their language, and I don't think I'm alone in suggesting that THAT isn't really "travel". It is what it is, and I'm not bashing having a relaxing week in the sun in Cancun (on THIS thread, at least...), but it's not travel.

Of course people are going to try to sell you things. People in the street will congregate around tourist areas to beg for things. When you travel around the world, you ARE rich, and will be treated as a walking commodity. It's just the way it is. Unless they have a weapon, you're not being forced. Try what you want, don't try what you don't want. Don't feel guilty. It's that simple.

I don't think that your experience in Hawaii is a case of this, but when traveling it's useful to understand that "no" means different things in different cultures. In the western world we do, for the most part, say what we mean up front. In much of the world, conversation is more of a ritual, and starting with a "no" doesn't mean you're not interested.

It can be difficult to navigate sometimes, but I've never encountered anything that would qualify as "forced." Sometimes people will be aggressive, sometimes they'll be manipulative, and sometimes doing what they want is just the easiest option. But I've never encountered a situation where I had no choice about something.

Now that I'm living here in West Africa, this actually happens to me much MORE than when I was just a tourist. Particularly by friends and family. They feel obligated to feed you because it's part of their culture. But I will be honest, there is a lot of Togolese food that I don't want to have anything to do with (read: Fufu, fermented Akoume, dried old fish). So it's become almost a part of my daily life refusing foods. I've given them all a shot, but it's hard to eat something that makes you want to yak.

I find that if you don't know the person, a great way to say no is to say it's your religion. Obviously it works better refusing meats than vegetarian things. People don't quite understand vegetarianism, but they do understand religous things. I actually was raised Seventh Day Adventist and a vegetarian because of it, so I just revert back to the same thing I had to do back then when my friends moms wanted to feed us chicken enchiladas for dinner (on that note .. I could really use a chicken enchilada right about now!). You will get questioned about it, but I can almost guarantee they won't push anymore. West Africa is easier because many people are Muslim, who do not eat pig and even other kinds of meats. So they can relate in that respect.

But now I'm married to a Togolese man and his mom is bound and determined to cook for me everyday, mainly - I think - because she is totally against me using money (which drives me nuts!). I don't mind spending $5 on a meal that I actually like as opposed to getting free food that makes me naseous. Instead, I have found a handful of Togolese dishes that I do like to some extent (red pepper sauce with meat and rice, non-fermented Akoume with veggie Moyo, and yam fries). So instead I ask for that. I let her cook for me about 3-4 times a week that way, usually for lunch. So if you can plan ahead (i.e. if they haven't already cooked) then you may easily be able to avoid "eating crickets!" Otherwise, I simply tell them I just ate 5 minutes before arriving, I have a stomach ache and just want to drink tea, I want to take a nap, etc.

Wild Jasmyne wrote:Otherwise, I simply tell them I just ate 5 minutes before arriving, I have a stomach ache and just want to drink tea, I want to take a nap, etc.

All handy tips, but I think an important point is how you adapted to the environment and when you have to be, you're stern. A vital element of being social!

Yeah there are the times are rare (because honestly people are just so nice) but sometimes it is necessary to just flat out refuse. "No SERIOUSLY.. I JUST ate. Five minutes before coming. But Thank you all the same." "It looks delicious but there is NO WAY I can eat right now." "I'm sorry but it IS against my religion." It's all about finding the balance between being nice and still getting what you want... or not getting what you don't want.

Anyway I think it really eas a learned skill, it becomes easier the more it happens and even though you have to tell some little white lies - it doesn't hurt anyone.