How do you deal with the negativity?

My group will be doing a charity climb up Kili for New Years. It's still a ways away, so we're trying to stay focused and motivated.

My Dad on the other hand, keeps finding articles of people who have been killed or seriously injured while climbing Kili.

How do you cope with the negativity from your family and friends who think you're nuts and can't do it??

I think one thing you have to demostrate is that you yourself have read all these articles, know the dangerous of climbing Kili and are prepared.

Statistics are powerful things find out the %ages of people who have died on the mountain vs who have come back alive. There is no gaurantee...we can all die crossing a road. But we are careful and we look both ways first. Same thing with Kili. Don't cut corners on training, equipment and knowledge. Also make sure you know who your guides are etc...your first instincts will tell you whether you can trust them, you should be able to do that.

More than anything tell them that if you feel that something is wrong you will climb down. You will put your life in danger. Only you can convince that you are mature enough to turn back if it came to that.That you will not put your life in danger....nothing is worth that.


If all this does not work...you just have to listen through one ear and let it out the other.You can only do that much.

My father was the same and basically I told him either he can stop his negativitiy or he can help me prepare for my climb..because no matter what he says I told him I was going. He did that latter...he collected articles on how somebody should prepare climbing who has asthma. They eventually come around and acknowledge that you are an adult.

Good luck...

This climb is for charity, right? How can your friends and family not be supportive of that???!!!

If you are actually questioning whether or not you can do it, my answer would be that any person of average fitness can climb Kilimanjaro. It won't be easy- but then the best things in life never are.

Get out there and go for it!!

Mark

Thanks for your thoughts. My philosophy in life has always been to just go for it. If it's your time to die, it's your time to die, no matter where you are.

I just need to keep positive and pushing past all the negatvity. Its just that some days are a lot harder than others... lol

quote:

Originally posted by Madhu:
My father was the same and basically I told him either he can stop his negativitiy or he can help me prepare for my climb..because no matter what he says I told him I was going. He did that latter...he collected articles on how somebody should prepare climbing who has asthma.

To second Madhu here I thinks the above is a better tactic than the "if its my time to die, its my time to die" strategy when speaking to a parent. Even if they hold the same philosophy they tend not to like hearing about the possibility of their kids kicking the bucket.

You might also say "This is something I am going to do. I would really like your help and support. Right now the effect you're having is only to make me more nervous. When I'm on Kili I'd like to be there with a positive and informed outlook rather than scared witless because of horror stories you sent me." Any climber or outdoors person can tell you that fear can be a dangerous thing. Being informed: good- being scared of all the "terrible things which can go wrong": very bad.

I think in some ways you might be asking a lot out of your father.

When I first started climbing mountains my mom used to send me articles she'd read about people who had been killed in the mountains. Then later when I solo traveled through Africa she'd send me stories about people who had been kidnapped, or went missing, etc. But, I never really regarded any of it as negativity on her part, it was more just motherly concern which I think is fair enough. After all it wasn't necessarily fair of me to put my parents in a place where they would naturally be concerned anyway. Hey, mom, I am going off to .......to climb....... I mean do you really expect them not to be concerned. They probably wouldn't be too good of parents if they weren't. And as long as it's a situation where you father isn't routinely berating about it, you might consider giving your father a little slack.

Anyway, these days I've learned to be more subtle with my parents. I don't give my parents all the details of my trips which causes them to worry less. Normally, it's I am going hiking with some friends. It sounds pretty harmless. And I don't leave them as the main contact if anything should happen. I leave that to other friends who I trust.

And for the most part parents are the easy part of the equation. It's the significant other that can be the hard one. Been through a few girlfriends because of that, but thats another issue altogether.

Thanks for all the advice. I actually leave my major details with friends and never all of them with my parents. i haven't thought of the whole love and concern angle. I've just been worried about the nagging part of it. lol

Either way, I'm doing this. i don't care what anyone says, I'm climbing Kili whether they think I an or not.

Canuck Girl,

The last statistics I saw were 5 to 12 people die each year out of 30,000 attempts. Heart attacks and acute mountain sickness (AMS) are the two main reasons.

If anyone is worried about their heart, get a stress test before you go. If you have chosen a good outfitter they will monitor your health and turn you around if there is any sign of trouble.

Just those two things will minimize your risk.

If you have a chance to add a few extra days for acclimization
you have an even better chance for success.

You still have to hike to a very substantial altitude but 18,000 to 20,000 trekkers make it each year.

It is indeed awesome (For me, Western Breach 04')

Oh, and by the way, tell your family that they are at greater statistical risk of death, driving to work or to the store.

Last year there were around 800 people on the summit for the New Year. Many people at that time period means your chances of seeing people not making it will be greater. Don't get distracted.

Stay focused, TAKE YOUR TIME and learn to breathe.(Your guide will show you)

The very best of luck!

You really need to put things into perspective. You have the opportunity to do something that 99% of the people in the world will never do, and you're hung up about what your peers think?

Hope that's not too much negativity for you.

quote:

Originally posted by halfnine:
Anyway, these days I've learned to be more subtle with my parents. I don't give my parents all the details of my trips which causes them to worry less. Normally, it's I am going hiking with some friends. It sounds pretty harmless. And I don't leave them as the main contact if anything should happen. I leave that to other friends who I trust.

that's pretty much my solution, too. i am as vague as possible, leaving out things that they really don't want to know. then, i have a trusted friend as a contact, register with the embassy, and go for it.

in reality, you're probably in a lot more danger driving to the grocery store than climbing kili...

you just need to convince your parents that you are prepared to deal with emergencies and that you're going with a trusted group.

maybe take a wilderness first aid class to hone your skills? it will make both you and your parents more confident in your abilities. i took a wilderness first responder course, and i would highly recommend it to anyone. it was an intensive week, but i learned so much. we even had nighttime scenarios with almost no equipment and somewhat crazed people on the scene. it was a great learning experience.

You live life once. Make sure you do what you want and don't let anyone tell you any different. This will be a trip of a lifetime...perhaps leading you to even more exciting adventures.

If your family is a little negative, it is only an expression of their love for you. As long as they understand you need to live life. (your friends should be supportive of you!!!) You are not nuts!!!

And you can do it!!! Charlotte (a doctor from New Zealand on our trip) was told by many she couldn't do it (even one person who had failed). She took that as a challenge and did indeed summit. Once you decide you will do it, then it will happen.

Now, maximize your chances...
Be familiar with hiking/camping.
Be in good shape, make sure you are able to do a long hike or 5 mile run 2 days in a row.
Get warm equipment for summit night (chemical footbed warmers are nice). Gear List
Consider diamox (and if you do start on day 1, not when you are ill)

You WILL have the time of your life and I look forward to your report when you get back.

My Kili Blog

Well, you're probably more likely to die back home than you are on kili..let's put it that way. Car wrecks and things like that. Let's just stop driving and lock ourselves away in our house!

My parents are always paranoid, but I think they've stopped bugging me..or I've just learned to ignore them better as the years go by.

Kili is an easy mountain to be on, if you compare it to other high 19000 ft+ summits. There is no technical rock climbing involved, which eliminates the thoughts of safety about ropes and rock climbing gear (which tends to freak people out). Tell them all it is is a high altitude hike.

Just be aware of acute mountain sickness/altitude sickness, and make sure you listen to what your body is telling you. Not only that, educate your father about all this stuff...and focus on the good that your group is doing.

Best wishes!

Hi

I am participating in a charity climb as well Dec27-Jan-8th/08. I am from Ontario. I am doing the climb for the CML Society of Canada(this is a type of Leukemia -that I have). We are going with Tusker Trail and Safari Co. Who are you going with?

As far as people's negativity goes-just ignore it lol! Our group consists of CML patients,and let me tell ya, no one is going to rain on our parade lol!
All the best !

Of course you can do it! And it is a lot less dangerous than driving in rush hour traffic. Just stay alert and if you feel bad don't push yourself too hard. Your family and friends will be proud when you come back having raised money for charity and made it to the summit and safely back down again.

Its hard - people want to warn you, syc you out into thinking twice about it, etc. You just kind of have to go with it and deep down, be focused of why you are doing it and how many others have done it and you'll be just fine. Just find a trustworthy operator and since you're going with a group, you all can support each other. Good luck - its the most amazing thing I have done in my life.