Not sure this is necessarily the correct forum, as its not really about volunteering or working, however I think if you read the posts on this forum you are more likely to know what I am talking about.....!

I have a fairly international career, in that I work for an international organization, currently in Asia, with the potential of being posted to different locations around the world. I really like it, its what I have always wanted, have worked bloody hard to get here, and, though I had always realised that it might make relationships more difficult, always figured that would slot into place and/or I'd meet someone who either had a similar job OR was willing to move with me.

Its proving a little tricky. I was fine with being single but now I have, over a period of about a year and a half, twice met people I think I could - and would - have gotten seriously involved with if it weren't for my expat status - its so difficult to get anything off the ground! I dont want to have a partner on the other side of the world, and so prefer to 'keep in touch, meet up when we can and see what happens', but now I am in my 30th and its starting to feel like actually it would be so nice to just have a normal relationship with someone who is in the same city. Or at least country. Or - even continent??!!...

I would be willing to comropomise a lot. I think I'd be happy living almost anywhere for the right reasons, and while I enjoy my career, am not dead set on prioritising it. The thing is, I seem to meet people who live in different countries, and even though we meet up and try to get to know each other better, its hard to get to the point where those comrpomises are realistic. I mean, I am not just going to meet someone and after a couple of days inform them that I'd be happy to move countries - might seem a little psycho...

I am not really asking for your solutions or advice, just want to see if people know what I am talking about - tell me I am not alone!?

quote:

I am not really asking for your solutions or advice, just want to see if people know what I am talking about - tell me I am not alone!?

I hear ya, big time. You are not alone.

You're not alone!

Yep. It's especially hard because there is very little wiggle room and flexibility with jobs abroad. You would have to meet someone who is able (and willing) to move whenever you do to wherever you need to move to next. Even if someone else has that kind of career or likes to travel, what are the odds of a match that works out like that? I definitely hear you!

oh ok, thats good. I take heart knowing there are at least 4 people in this situation. Are any of you male, reasonably attractive, with a full set of teeth and cooking skills? (joke, dont delete me)

My story is the other side of the coin. I dated someone for over 3 years. It was always a long distance relationship. Most of the time he was living about 300 miles away. That was pretty doable most of the time. But he was getting back into international work and did several overseas stints. I knew that this was the direction he was go to go full time once his kids got out of high school.

We broke up (I broke it off) when it was clear that he would be a long term ex pat. I just couldn't figure out how it would ever work out. I didn't want to live out of the country even though I love to travel. I still want to live here. So sadly we broke up and shortly thereafter he moved to the middle east....which is where he is now.

That was about 3 years ago. In August he was back for a couple of weeks and we saw each other again. Then back to the Middle East. He offered to meet me in Dubai after he left. At the time I didn't have my passport(was having pages added) so I passed. Now he is asking again for me to meet him in Dubai around the holidays.

I want to go but I still don't know how I would do a relationship with that much geography in between.......

I dunno.....sigh.

quote:

Originally posted by Lost76:
Are any of you male, reasonably attractive, with a full set of teeth and cooking skills? (joke, dont delete me)

I could not cook myself out of a wet paper sack.

Sadly, i have this Warped Colorful Toxic Maple Leaf Freak stalking me day and night from continent to continent. Knock him off and i am all yours.

Maybe he can cook?

quote:

Originally posted by scubamama:

We broke up (I broke it off) when it was clear that he would be a long term ex pat. I just couldn't figure out how it would ever work out. I didn't want to live out of the country even though I love to travel. I still want to live here. So sadly we broke up and shortly thereafter he moved to the middle east....which is where he is now.

I can see that that must be, if possible, even more frustrating, - at least when you are the ones doing the moving away you are in control of your decision - I just have to learn to take responsibility for my choices.....whereas you are suffering the consequences of someone else's choices.

I have moved from country to country literally my whole life and dont know any different, so for me its always hard to understand why people dont want to just move out and join me. But I can see why it would be hard.

I've come to the conclusion that I just need a husband/boyfriend/male in each of the countries I spend the most time in.

It's not only relationships that are tricky, but friends also when you are moving from place to place or are away for long periods of time.

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Originally posted by ivybell:
I've come to the conclusion that I just need a husband/boyfriend/male in each of the countries I spend the most time in.

Gawds, that sounds awful. I can barely keep one woman happy.

That said, I know a few people who do this. Regular disasters, but I think they secretly like the drama. Masochists.

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It's not only relationships that are tricky, but friends also when you are moving from place to place or are away for long periods of time.

I've always been OK with that. It is cool, especially as a person who likes to travel, to have really, really good friends all over the world!

Nah, it's just a joke. I'm quite happy on my own at the moment.

As for the friends, yes, it does work, but it would be so much fun if I could just gather them altogether in one place.

quote:

Originally posted by Bideshi:
Yep. It's especially hard because there is very little wiggle room and flexibility with jobs abroad. You would have to meet someone who is able (and willing) to move whenever you do to wherever you need to move to next. Even if someone else has that kind of career or likes to travel, what are the odds of a match that works out like that? I definitely hear you!

Yup, I hear that too. While my job, 'IT', lets me live in many places...i have started to develop a career whose health I care about. Moving is bad for that. In fact, my 'professional network' is very European and I would have to effectively start from scratch if I moved back to America or somewhere else desirable. (Oz & NZ have been on the radar for a while.)

I also am sorta uncomfortable with the idea of having my (currently non-existant) partner move to me just because I am here in Switzerland. That instinctivly feels wrong.

This all leads to another topic: settlement. I am half way there. Last year I bought a couch. A new one! I like it. It sleeps well, is really big, and don't want to give it up. The itchy feet still itch...but not as much any more. Lucky me, I can travel to somewhere semi-exotic (e.g.: somewhere notably different culturally and linguistically) in just a few short hours.

quote:

Originally posted by Lost76:
oh ok, thats good. I take heart knowing there are at least 4 people in this situation. Are any of you male, reasonably attractive, with a full set of teeth and cooking skills? (joke, dont delete me)

Lol... I've always thought that a full set of teeth was important to me until I found myself recently seriously attracted to someone with no front teeth.. No joke..

I was wondering... what about dating local people in your host country? Or even other expats?

I did the 5,000-mile relationship thing for several years. We'd see each other for a few weeks, a couple of times per year and we'd break up every now and then when we knew it would never work out in the long run.

Our 12th anniversary is coming up in Dec.