I MISS THOSE DAYS, I MISS THOSE DAYS, I MISS THOSE DAYS!!!
Those days spent on the road...in Australia, Afghanistan, Jordan, India and beyond...those days when my life had meaning, when every interaction brought me joy, when my priorities were in place and I felt in tune with this planet.

Where are those days??? Lost and troubled I must assume, roaming around in despair, forever wondering why I had abandoned them after all we had been through...

It is now my mission to get them back.

Yes, I quit my job. A few weeks ago, after spending four years 'working at sea' onboard several major cruise ships, I said my farewells to the screaming passengers, the laxative-laced food and the strategically placed vomit bags.

With that out of the way, I now plan to venture along a path I have yet to tread - Tibet, Mongolia, the Stans, Azerbaijan, Georgia and Turkey. I crave the knowledge, I crave the surprises, I crave the dangers and fears, the friendships and human energy, the accomplishments and the defeats...I crave those days when everything I see, hear, taste, smell and touch is new to me and my brain must try its best to interpret what it encounters. I crave that greatest of education that results from such travels.

But alas, I find myself sitting here today, moments away from my 31st birthday, with my mind racing around in incoherent patterns, melting in a state of hesitation and frustration...I have not purchased a flight for my trip, I have not set an exact date of deprature, I have not even informed my backpack of its need to prepare itself yet again.

I don't know why, but I am having difficulty taking that final step, making the full commitment to this path...what am I fearing??? Is it just the powerful magnetism of practicality and normalcy giving one final attempt at preventing my dreams from being fulfilled?

Does anyone have any input?

for one, i will never take a ride on a cruise ship.
i'm in the same boat (oops, pun not intended).. though not really, considering i'm about 13 years years younger and have never yet gone...
but as far as the doubt and hesitation goes, i suppose it's just a human condition (an unfortunate one) to get your perspective narrowed down and your existence confined to one knowable space. maybe it's a basic survival instinct left from our earlier years.. change presents danger, and we are biologically programmed to avoid danger..
science and philosophy aside, there is always that inspiring (but seemingly never convincing enough) question: what can you lose?
god only knows that in your last years, you probably won't be wishing that you had cleaned up more barf bags.
so i hope you get out there, and i hope i do too.

I totally understand. I went through the same thing - many years of wandering the planet, seeing and experiencing so much. Then somehow, I fell into the routine of life. I had kids. I had my secure teaching job. Everything was safe and predictable. Sure, I still dreamed of those days when I was footloose and fancyfree, but somehow didn't act on it.

Two years ago my husband and I made the decision to drop out of the rat race and just go. We piled our twin boys on the back of a bicycle built for three and took off for a year. It was wonderful.

Now we are going again. In June we will take off to spend the next 2 1/2 years or so biking from Alaska to Argentina - with our boys. We are thrilled to get back on the road.

So - maybe you need to do something differently this time? for me, I'm not sure I would want to travel with just my husband. I love seeing things through the eyes of my boys. That's enough to keep me going. I don't know what that might be for you - but maybe you can think of what might add that "spark" for you??

Good luck!

Well, you did quit your job. You're in limbo until you're on the road anyway.

walking - I do hope you get out there yourself. my travels when I was around your age gave me such an education that I know could never have been achieved at home.

well, today was my big day of thought, and of course it was full of signs...here's what happened...

I walked off a bus and the first person that walked by me was a Tibetan monk. A few hours later I walked into a building and found myself face to face with a large portrait of the Dalai Lama. A short while after that I was buying a bottle of water in a shop and noticed an entire rack of the new Time magazine, with the Dalai Lama appearing on the cover...

Considering that Tibet is a priority for me to visit on this upcoming trip...well, let's just say, I'm going...

It's time to go...DEFINITELY.

And Nancy, I wish you the best on this journey of yours...I shall be following your trip...

You know, I have struggled with the same things myself. Last year I even quit my job, bought my plane ticket, and cancelled two weeks before I was supposed to leave because SOMETHING about it didnt feel right. I knew it was time for change, I was craving traveling...but something wasnt right. Anyways...

I always remember this book I read, or article, or something, years ago, that initiated my traveling for the first time. That said whenever you are in doubt or limbo or have fears or insecurities or dont know which choice to make...let your daydreams lead the way. Stop thinking about what you think you should be thinking about, or even what you WANT to be thinking about. Just hop on a bike, or on a walk, listen to some music, let your mind WANDER. Truly wander. And see where it leads you. What is it that makes your heart leap when you daydream? What inspires you? You could be itching to travel but your indecisiveness is what is holding you back from being fully excited. Maybe, like Nancy said, its about finding something new and unique about what it is you want NOW, instead of trying to relive something you once had. I just read your post and I thought...wow, I wonder where that mind will wander to without the pressure on it....maybe to a different place than you thought...or maybe its on a motorcycle this time, or maybe its with someone...who knows. Just a suggestion...

I hear ya though....definitely been there....and will be again!

That's the thing, each time I do let my mind wander I find myself back on the road...I could go hours with the same thoughts in my head, my pace quickens, my smile brightens and my mind tunes out everything around me.

It is a NEAR perfect feeling...but I suppose what it lacks are the specifics, and that is what leaves me hesitant. I know enough to realize that aimless wandering is not what I want and what you and Nancy said about finding that unique aspect of what I want now makes perfect sense.

I like the daydreaming concept, just need to wind down my brain from the four years in the intense cruise ship environment, that might be part of the problem at the moment...thank you Erin...

quote:

Originally posted by FoldinPillows:
I like the daydreaming concept, just need to wind down my brain from the four years in the intense cruise ship environment, that might be part of the problem at the moment...thank you Erin...

It'll take some time to get out of the routine - I taught for FIFTEEN YEARS between our India trip and taking off again with the kids. It's hard to wrap your brain around the idea of dropping out of everything that's expected to do something like wander the planet.

Have you considered that maybe you're not in love with the route you picked out? I say this b/c quitting your job says - "I'm doing this" - but not booking the ticket and packing your bag says something in the details might be amiss.

quote:

With that out of the way, I now plan to venture along a path I have yet to tread - Tibet, Mongolia, the Stans, Azerbaijan, Georgia and Turkey.

Maybe you'll feel more excited if you replace one of the countries with a place you visited last time. New experiences are great, but nostalgia is a wonderful thing too.

I believe you were exactly right RobinMarie, I actually just started to figure that out. And as soon as I realized it, I put my plans into action - now I will be starting off in India, a place I have already spent almost two years in....a place that I simply can never get enough of.

Suddenly, after that decision, everything else started making sense and I am ready to go in about two weeks from now!

Thats great to hear. I actually read your post two days ago and didn't have advice to give. I started thinking about your post while I was falling asleep, and somehow that conclusion jumped out at me, so I had to share. (and yes you should be honored that your post stuck in my mind as I went to bed).

I've had similar experiences with the destinations not feeling right. I'm glad you're excited for your trip all over again.

I can relate this as well...once I made the decision on the place to start my journey things have started to fall in place. Before that everthing was just an idea...abstract.

I start in India as well...going home for me. But before India will spend 5 weeks in swizzzzland and around with freinds. After India I don't know... but India can keep one occupied for months/years on end.

I think sometimes starting the journey in a "old" place or with friends help...you ease in.

Hey foldinpillows....was really excited to check up on this post and see that you are feeling a little more excited and have tweaked your trip a bit. That was great advice, to go back to places you've already vistited. I am really excited for you! I think the most important thing to remember, for me, you, all of us, always, is to constantly remember to ask ourselves what it is we truly want. Because one of the biggest problems I think with being PURSUERS OF A DREAM, in that we have a dream, and take the time to make it happen, is that we often forget that LIFE happens in between the idea of the dream and the reality of the dream. Sometimes, we have been so focused on our IDEA for so long we forget to stop and go..."okay, but is this really what I want NOW?" The trip I started planning a few years ago, for example, focused mostly on SE asia, but in the past few years, when I re-evaluate, most of my excitement lies in the middle east and north africa, where I hadnt even planned to go!

Anyway, I think you are totally on the right path, and I admire your openess and willingness to constantly choose your own path. I cant wait to hear more about it!

Erin

Hola FoldinPillows,

Nice post...and thanks for being so honest and open.

Take it for what its worth, but from my perspective, travel (like life) with a purpose, rather than just aimless wandering, is so much more rewarding.

By purpose, it can be anything. It doesn't have to be some grand thing like saving the planet or finding spiritual enlightenment. Maybe it's just to see if you can do it. Bike from one end of Italy to the other. Walk across China. Learn to Tango in Buenos Aries. Build an igloo in Norway. Ride with reindeer herders in Russia. Hell, be the first person to pogo-stick around the world.

The point is to find something unique about the trip that make its special, and meaningful to YOU. Once you know what that purpose is, whatever it is, each step you take towards it will be a step towards achieving that goal. It provides motivation, and inspiration. It also makes you unique among travelers in that you become an explorer, and part of the place, and not just an aimless wanderer.

Most importantly...dare to dream. Imagine what you want and then get it.

The hardest thing is figuring out what you want...after that it's just a matter of putting on your boots and take the first step...

On this subject, this is one of my favorites from Mark Twain...

"What we fear doing is most usually what we need to do. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

-Twain