I haven't been this unhappy for a long time. I literally cry almost everyday because I hate my living situation. I am a very creative and intelligent person, my art is what keeps me going, but I have fallen into a a rabbit hole and it's been extremely hard to pull myself out.
I'm a twenty something living with my my mom and step dad in a little town in Wiscsonsin, pretty much in the middle of nowhere. I feel like I am going crazy and I have cabin fever everyday. I hate it here. All of my friends are about 40 miles either side of me (in Milwaukee and Chicago) but I really feel lonely and like I have nothing here. I don't have a steady boyfriend, no kids, the job market is shit for my degree (BA in Interactive Media Design).
I keep feeling like... why not now? Why shouldn't I move to Europe? I've always wanted to. I've been it Italy once and I loved it. I didn't want to leave. I just hate it here so much and there are things I want to get away from (bad memories from a failed relationship), lots of negativity.
I'm also in love with someone who lives in England and I miss him everyday.
There's so many things that are holding me back but so many things that aren't. I keep thinking I am crazy. Surely, my friends and family will think that if I ever told them my thoughts.
I am thinking about schools. I want to go to school for art therapy or expressive arts counseling. I've been looking for 2 days straight and there are some but not too many programs in counseling. I keep thinking getting a MA will be the excuse I need. I have a little money saved but not enough, but if I were to move, I could sell my car which would give me a little boost too.
Ugh. I just go to sleep and wake up miserable. I think I need a change of environment.
Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated.
I met my husband at college in North Carolina in 2002. We fell in love (I realized after posting how cheesey this sounds --> my apologies) & after his first semester his parents pulled him out of school (bad grades) & sent him back to Wisconsin. To make a very long story short, we ended up dating long distance for 5 years before I came to the Midwest.
I moved to Wisconsin in 2007 because it fiscally made more sense for us. I moved knowing that I hate cold weather and snow, but also knowing that as long as I’ve got my husband, things wouldn’t be too bad. From what I’ve experienced, the people here are rude & the girls are extra catty. I still hate it and the only things I do enjoy are Corey (that’s my husband), his family and our cats. We finally got our act together and started saving money for our RTW last year. We hope to find our dream destination during our trip and eventually become ex-pats.
That being said, I’m not suggesting that you move to London for your love before discussing it and visiting at least 3-5 times to make sure it’s the right place for you. The last thing you want to do is move from one place you hate to another. Yes, I visited WI & yes I knew I wouldn’t like it, but Corey & I already knew what we wanted to do with our future & that we wouldn’t stay here to raise a family. At the time, we had to decide between NC & WI – WI won :/ . . .
As far as coping with your current situation I would try joining a travel community like couch surfers – they have a pretty active Milwaukee group. At least if you don’t have the means to travel now, you can at least meet or correspond with people with similar interests in the area. We’ve had one couch surfer over for dinner & we had a great time. I’ve never actually driven into Milwaukee for a meeting, but I like being a part of the group & knowing that I can talk with other travelers. They have been helpful on more than one occasion.
If I were you, I’d start saving like crazy! Think about getting another job too & just dig in your heels and save! Once you’ve got enough money you should look for study programs in Italy or just start researching places that you’ve always dreamed of going to. There’s no way I’d stay here longer than necessary & it really doesn’t sound like you have anything (other than money) holding you back.
PM me if you’d like to meet up some time – we can meet you halfway if you’d like .
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most"
I am about to start a new life in another country so I don't have much that can help you right now but all I can say is: whether you have so much to leave behind or so less, when you decide to leave, no matter how long it takes to happen, it gives you a great relief. I will be leaving my country in about 1,5 months, now every problem I have seems worthless.
I hope your wishes come true soon.
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